mum is so rude about people when we take her out!

[bhb]

Has anyone got any ideas of how to manage this? She has always been critical of people in her (loud) whisper - but now she doesn't bother to whisper and is especially critical of people that are over weight. It is putting the carers off taking her out which will make her more isolated and she does still get enjoyment from being out and about. I tell her that comment is not appropriate mum but she just laughs! Any suggestions gratefully received!

[jenniferpa]

Ooh this is so difficult. And I do know that this is something that has been mentioned before. I hope that someone will be along with some practical solutions.

I remember someone suggesting having cards printed up so that you could hand them out: "My apologies, my mother has dementia" but it wouldn't always be practical to do this, nor appropriate.

My mother wasn't often inappropriate but if she started in (and at most it tended to be along the lines of "what a pretty coloured girl" ) I would start to talk in a very loud voice about something else. For her it was about reverting to the terminology of her youth. And of course, she was in a wheelchair - people tend to overlook stuff (everything actually come to think of it) when you're in a wheelchair.

[Witzend]

Has anyone got any ideas of how to manage this? She has always been critical of people in her (loud) whisper - but now she doesn't bother to whisper and is especially critical of people that are over weight. It is putting the carers off taking her out which will make her more isolated and she does still get enjoyment from being out and about. I tell her that comment is not appropriate mum but she just laughs! Any suggestions gratefully received!

Oh, dear, don't know what you can do about this. We had same problem with OH's old aunt who didn't even have AD. We'd take her out for pub lunches and she'd say things like, ''WHY ON EARTH DOES THAT WAITRESS WEAR SUCH SHORT SKIRTS WITH LEGS LIKE THAT?' at the top of her voice. Or, 'JUST LOOK AT THAT HAIR - WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?' ditto.

TBH I was glad when she got so fussy and moany about whatever food she had - (too hot/cold/tough/sloppy/God they don't know how to make pastry any more/THIS IS BLOODY AWFUL!) we stopped taking her out and I'd just cook something in her own kitchen, instead.

I suppose you could try saying, 'Mum, if you say things like that out loud, people will think you've got a screw loose,' Only - as always with AD - I guess she wouldn't remember for more than 2 seconds.

[Redwitch]

I found some cards on a website called zazzle, thay have been amazing. I always keep a couple in the pocket of my handbag and OH has his in his jacket pocket. They have been a rael life saver.

It saves us having to explain in front of Mum which stresses her out, a smile and a nod from the recipient does put us at ease, and allows us to relax a little more in the knowledge that people know she can't help herself sometimes.

Mum moves into a home next week so I will take most of the remaining cards to the next De-cafe and pass them on to someone else who maybe able to gain peace from them.

Jan xxxxxxx

[LadyA]

Thankfully, it was a brief phase, and the people didn't overhear, but William did, at one point go through this. It literally only lasted a long weekend - the docs said it may have been a vascular incident, although a scan showed nothing. Going into a supermarket, there were two very overweight ladies bending over a trolley outside, and he came closer to me and whispered loudly "I really don't like ladies with such fat a****!" I almost fell over with shock, as he was a Church Minister all his working life, and never, ever used such language! Later on though I couldn't stop giggling. He does occasionally still comment to me about people - but hasn't said anything to be overheard. So far. It seems to be a common thing though.

[SWMBO1950]

Oh I am sorry Lady A but your fathers comment is so funny - coming from a church minister.

Someone I know whos husband had AD used to stick his two finger up and use the F Word - he was a eucharistic minister at my local church - this was when she realised they may be something wrong.

As I have said before we have to laugh - keeps us going

Thankfully, it was a brief phase, and the people didn't overhear, but William did, at one point go through this. It literally only lasted a long weekend - the docs said it may have been a vascular incident, although a scan showed nothing. Going into a supermarket, there were two very overweight ladies bending over a trolley outside, and he came closer to me and whispered loudly "I really don't like ladies with such fat a****!" I almost fell over with shock, as he was a Church Minister all his working life, and never, ever used such language! Later on though I couldn't stop giggling. He does occasionally still comment to me about people - but hasn't said anything to be overheard. So far. It seems to be a common thing though.

[meme]

sounds like my x husband!!!..who did not have alzheimers (diagnosed anyway) in supermarkets it was awfull and he embarrassed me and used to eat the pick and mix sweets walking round!! anyway that is beside the point....I think mouthing "she's not well" may be a temporary solution....reminds me of Roy Walker on catchPhrase.."Say what you see"!!

[2jays]

My mother also talks loudly about her bodily functions ...... she had bad constipation a few weeks ago, and all that entails, and went into great detail at the restaurant.....
TMI?

[Ellie315]

Goodness, when this happens with my Grandmother I just want the world to open up and swallow me! The Only thing I've been able to do is ignore it at the time, and try to laugh about it later.

The other week, in a cafe, a waitress walked past us and my Grandmother said "Ooh, I'm glad I'm not as fat as her, aren't you?" I have no idea whether she heard, I just tried to hide behind my menu and 'shhhed' my Gran. Sometimes, if it is obvious that the person has heard, I will apologise for her.

Difficult though - I have no solution.

[bhb]

they have made me laugh anyway! Just thought I would also share some recent ones - "we will have cross the street darling we will never get past these big fat ladies"
on a very pretty little baby with a white mother" do you think her daddy is a n****r"
also swearing as others have mentioned which she never did before. Also farting- lots! Anyway thanks for your support and for making me smile

[Onlyme]

Mum makes very loud racists comments to everyone, abuses them to their faces and questions if they are mental which is ironic really considering she is the one with AD.

[2jays]

Oooh racist comments! Let's not go there PLEASE!
Mum lived in Uganda in the 1960's before independence - if you have seen white mischief you may get the idea of her life then..... She is re-living her youth!!!!!

[edgetop]

my mum is just the same.She is always saying," That big fat lass came too see me today, shame cas she,s nice just fat",also i took her for a walk & she said look at those two boys with their black faces.Oh my goodness i could go on & on.She was never like that.

[creativesarah]

Lucy could be like that "what are you here for??" to some poor unsuspecting visitor
"You are going to put your hair up arent you Sarah?" one day I got so fed up with her saying it I scraped it all up on top and when she got in the car she nearly had a fit!
this isnt me by the way !just wanted to give you the general impression
We will miss all her outspoken comments!

[Sue J]

Sarah, with that hairstyle you just need a nice hat and a ride on that back too front tryicycle