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  1. #1
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    ok, decisions made...

    Well best interests meeting yesterday, in attendance SS, CPN, Trainee CPN, 4 x Doctors from out of area hospital, OH and me! So 4 vs 5

    We really didn't get much say in the matter. Ward doctor had a bit of a rant about how slow the system was in West Sussex, obviously East Sussex are far superior. SW on first meeting decided that Mum was in need of EMI care . We have always been lead to believe that Mum really wasn't that bad and I was making a mountain out of a molehill.. After that conversation I have felt guilty for months. I was made to feel a failure, pathetic at not being able to cope.

    In reality I had coped with a lot more than I thought I would or could. I m not sure I knew what I was taking on, Mum was my Best Friend and would very soon become my enemy. She became the very opposite of what she had been my whole life. Everything she brought me up to respect she destroyed over the past few years. My beautiful, mild-mannered, introverted, smart, funny, forgiving and gentle Mum has become an angry, hostile, rude, embarassing and violent person that I no longer knew

    My OH and I have suffered, depression, anxiety, stress, pleurisy, possible ulcer, heartburn, insomnia, alcoholism and friend-avoidance over the past 15 months... We no longer have a social life, suddenly we appear tohave somthing nasty and unspeakable, what we actually have is a big heart to love someone who needed extra support.

    Sorry for the rant guys, looks like Mum will move into her future home next wekend, we will make the transition as smooth as we can, she will be close to home and Iam looking forward to re-building my relationship with my Mum. I love her so much, but over recent months I haven't liked the person she has become.

    Many of you have walked this path already, I am sorry I haven't been here much recently, but honestly I have been enjoying being a wife and Mum again. I am gonna need your support over the next few weeks/months without you allI probably wouldn't have got this far

    Jan
    Trying my hardest to be a good daughter...[SIGPIC]
     

  2. #2
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    Good Luck Jan with it all. It is surprising how much people change. Mum went into residential 5th April. Every single day is different. Good days, bright and happy, days pacing up and down, days quiet, days eats little. days eats loads, days sleeps all night, days sleeps away most of the day. She does things she would have never have done like wipe her nose on her skirt rather than use/ask for hanky. We have to remember now she is safer than at home, warm, well fed. She is unsteady/shuffling at times and it isnt going to get better. Take each day as it comes, its been hard for us, the guilt, the tears but then remember what is best for them too.
     

  3. #3
    It sounds to me as thoug the right decision has ben made - for you all.

    Of course you will do your utmost to make your Mum's transition as smooth as possible.

    And, in the right CH setting, our loved ones can be settled and happy(ish)

    My lovely, sweet Grandad has been in full time care since Sept 2010. And in his current CH for over a year now.

    Every time I visit I think to myself, and say to my Dad, that it was the best thing we could possibly have done for Grandad. He is certainly better than we ever could have imagined he would be, given the rate of decline when he was living at home on his own.

    Stay strong. Know that people will be here to support you through it all. And be confident that you are doing the best you possibly can by your Mum.
    Love Sal xx

    Carer to Grandad until he passed away 1st January 2014
     

  4. #4
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    Lupo

    Thank you for your support, it is so heartbreaking when they suddenly break all the rules they have built into you from birth. I am slowly learning to ignore those feelings and realise I need to take each day as it comes

    Jan

    xxx
    Trying my hardest to be a good daughter...[SIGPIC]
     

  5. #5
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    Sally

    Thank you for showing there is light at the end of the tunnel, every stage is new to me, we have been fortunate to not come across this previously as a family/... Not sure how to cope witht he next stage but will no doubt get there .
    Isn't TP a life saver


    Jan
    xxx
    Trying my hardest to be a good daughter...[SIGPIC]
     

  6. #6
    It`s a timely decision Redwitch. I hope all goes well. xx

    Sylvia

    Former Carer and Volunteer Moderator .

    I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet

    About me
     

  7. #7
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    Thinking of you and your family and the extremely difficult times you have had whether its the right thing to say, what I thought when I read your post was..... At last redwitch.

    You have been and still are a wonderful daughter. Now is the time for you to hopefully rebuild the good relationship you have with your mum.

    Huge hugs. Much support for the coming weeks. xx
    To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone - Reba McEntire
    If only it was that easy - 2jays

    What you don't need are bruised bones
     

  8. #8
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    What a time you have had Jan. I'm pleased to see you are starting to enjoy your life again, and your mum will be well cared for. The next stage will be emotionally difficult but you will manage it with the help of your family and the care home. I'd be interested to know which one it is as a local myself! Lots of luck to you xxx
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  9. #9
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    How very true your account is, you have lost your Mum, she has changed from a loving mother to a frustrated agressive person.
    You will find her again, even if it is only with one of her happy smiles, once she is settled (with a few set backs along the way, our Mum, after we thought she had settled, was adamant on Friday, that she wants to go home and no longer stay with all these strange people).
     

 

 

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