Granny not talking to me again, not sure if it's dementia or just her!

[Lisa74]

Hi Everyone,

My granny who lives with us didn't speak to me for 5 days last week for little reason and has again decided tonight that she won't and went around hugging and kissing everyone else just to make the point that she's not speaking to me.

I know this shouldn't be hurtful, and might be partly her disease, but it is!

I just wish I lived in a normal house and perhaps she lived elsewhere

[jenniferpa]

Oh Lisa. Of course it's hurtful. And it would be foolish to think it wasn't intended to be hurtful. All I can say is: can you think of this as if it was the action of a child? My own children on occasion told me they hated me, and their intention was to hurt me, but while they may well have felt it at that time, it's clear that they don't still mean it.

I sometimes don't think it's helpful to say "it's the disease" but better to say "this is the person AT THIS TIME". It's not a long term, inflexible opinion but just one of those things,

Of course you feel like this: it would be pretty odd if it didn't hurt and concern you.

[SWMBO1950]

I agree Jennifer but sad nonetheless

Oh Lisa. Of course it's hurtful. And it would be foolish to think it wasn't intended to be hurtful. All I can say is: can you think of this as if it was the action of a child? My own children on occasion told me they hated me, and their intention was to hurt me, but while they may well have felt it at that time, it's clear that they don't still mean it.

I sometimes don't think it's helpful to say "it's the disease" but better to say "this is the person AT THIS TIME". It's not a long term, inflexible opinion but just one of those things,

Of course you feel like this: it would be pretty odd if it didn't hurt and concern you.

[Witzend]

Hi Everyone,

My granny who lives with us didn't speak to me for 5 days last week for little reason and has again decided tonight that she won't and went around hugging and kissing everyone else just to make the point that she's not speaking to me.

I know this shouldn't be hurtful, and might be partly her disease, but it is!

I just wish I lived in a normal house and perhaps she lived elsewhere

It's very hurtful, isn't it? But do try not to take it personally, though that's easy to say, I know. I used to have a fantastic relationship with my granny, but once she got AD she went through phases of referring to me as 'that girl' in a highly disapproving tone, and told my mother I was stealing her nightdresses! My mother said, 'Why on earth would she want your nightdresses - you're sixty years older than she is!'

This only made my granny highly offended - 'Do you mean I'm old fashioned?' so it didn't exactly help, but we did have a laugh about it. Sad to say, my mother's the poor old demented granny now.

[TriciaD]

It is very hurtful but you have to keep telling yourself it's not your Granny talking, it's that dementia again! Sometimes when I would visit my Mum she would whisper to the other residents in the CH "I don't know who that woman is, she's weird!" It was hurtful at the time, but we've laughed about it since.

[Lisa74]

Thank you guys Jenniferpa I think you're right- she is a bit like a toddler sometimes! and I just have to see it as temporary.

Tricia D that sounds hurtful too! especially with your Mum saying it

Witzend, my granny sounds a lot like yours was! I hope you're coping okay with your Mum's illness, it's so difficult.

SWMBO1950- thanks : ) at least she's being okay today!

xxx

[Lisa74]

It's happening again! this time just because my mum and I went for an evening walk (she was too tired) and she was furiously angry about it! (she doesn't really like us to do things together!)

She'll probably be hideously horrible tomorrow!

[Onlyme]

Its that toddler thing again, you stole her best friend so she has gone to sulk in the corner as you aren't her friend anymore.

Mum is at this stage and thinks that the resident next door gets more attention than she does. Even when no on is next door Mum tries to listen to see if nextdoor is getting more of something than she is.

[Farmergirl]

It does hurt......and they do mean it to........but you have to be the Teflon grand-daughter.....easy to say...my mum can be a total horror to me, but I can see the toddler in her, and this makes it easier for me.
I remember once my then 2 year old having a real strop in the middle of Toys R US in Preston. I almost threw her back into the trolley seat, wheeled her out screaming at the top of her little lungs (you know that really piercing scream - the one that has the power to move earwax?) and i got into the car and put the radio up full, lighting up a very necessary ciggy, while watching her scream into the window at me, while the rain poured down.
After about 2 minutes when she realised i just wasnt going to give in she stopped screaming. I turned the radio off and opened the window.....she said 'sorry mummy' and I got her out the trolley and strippedoff her wet things and put her in the car seat and drove home.
She was like this almost every day for 3 years - so I use the experience a LOT when I have to deal with mum, who stomps her feet just like my daughter did.

Its really hard and upsetting. You have to find some sort of trigger in yourself that allows you to switch off - self preservation.