Nats birthday bash!

[Bastan]

I think I have mentioned it was Nats 61st birthday on 21st April. We decided to bring him home for a few hrs and invite friends and family to share his day.

Well the table was laden with food, the black cab booked to meet me at the home and I was telling my grandaughter we had to leave now. The phone rang and I recognised the voice of one of the nurses at Nats' place.

I heard the words, "Nats, not well, been violently sick, very low blood pressure, racing pulse, shaking all over" My reaction, NO, he cant be, I've got all this food ready and over 20 guests on their way.

Such a caring wife!!!!!!!!

Told me they'ed ring back in 30mins. !5mins later, phone goes, they now have an ambulance on the way. I ask them to let me know which hospital they take him to and I'll meet him there. Tell guests to eat drink and be merry and wait for info.

Turns out, when the paramedics examine him they say he's better off staying there. We bring him home 2hrs late. He looks ghastly and a friend bursts into tears as she can't comprehend the deterioration since she last saw him. She is a carer of her husband so understands what this means. I observe the looks on some faces, shock, horror, despair and I am glad. I want people to see, really see, the reality of Alzheimer's disease. The total loss of a loved one, the devastation cast upon the family.

I guess the poor man should have stayed at the home, tucked up in bed. However he stayed with us for 3hrs, despite the children asking me to order his taxi at least an hr before I did. When he's here I find it so hard to send him back. Selfish I know but sometimes I have to put myself 1st!

much love to one and all. xxx

[ggma]

Just wanted to say, glad you managed something, and that your friends and family now know what you have to manage all the time.

Celebrations never go acccording to plan, so I guess the old addage, plan for the unexpected is true!

Best wishes to you and hope Nat is better now.

[sunray]

I'm sorry things went so dramatically different to what you had planned for Nat's birthday but you did what you had said you would do - bring him home for the day.

Once our loved ones are in a Care Home it is out of sight, out of mind for a lot of people and that can include former friends as well as close family so I understand that you wished to show people the reality of it all. But I can also imagine their shock at seeing what he looks like now. We hardly notice the changes as we see them so regularly.

It is hard on us all.

(((hugs))) from Sue.

[Saffie]

I'm so sorry that what you hoped would be a pleasant day for your husband turned out so differently - but that's dementia for you and now at least a few more people will understand.

Once our loved ones are in a Care Home it is out of sight, out of mind for a lot of people

Very true - and we, of course are just carrying on with our lives as happy as sandboys!!!

[alicejude]

Hi,

Sorry to hear your day didn't go as planned, but you made the most of the time spent with Nat.

Take care xx

[jan.s]

Hi
So sorry to hear that events didn't go as planned, and it must have been so disappointing for you having worked so hard to make everything so special! Glad things turned out in some ways as you had expected

I think you are very brave to bring Nats home - being selfish, I don't know that I will be able to do that, because much as I want to, I don't think I would be able to take him back again. Also I'm not sure he would go back!!!

I hope Nats is better now and you are recovering from the events.

Love
Jan xx

[Necion]

Dear Bastan, just want to send a few words of support. Sometimes we just have to take the chance and plan things 'normally' and wait to see what happens, or does not happen, as the case may be.

A very difficult situation for all, that's the reality of dementia.

Lots of love, Necion. xx

[Loopiloo]

Dear Bastan

I have replied to what you wrote in the other thread ( Loo and Saffie etc) and here I echo what others have written.

Sunray:
Once our loved ones are in a Care Home it is out of sight, out of mind for a lot of people and that can include former friends as well as close family so I understand that you wished to show people the reality of it all

Sadly how very true. It hurts. It angers.

Jan.s
I think you are very brave to bring Nats home - being selfish, I don't know that I will be able to do that, because much as I want to, I don't think I would be able to take him back again. Also I'm not sure he would go back!!!

I also think Bastan is very brave, not selfish. I also wouldn't want to take him back.

Also like you, Jan, I don't think my husband would go back. He would never understand. A straight jacket would be required.

You are brave, Bastan.

With my love and admiration
Loo xxx

[Izzy]

Bastan, so sorry things didn't go so well for the day. I hope Nats is a bit better now. x

[Soobee]

Thank you for posting with honesty about how you felt. I am glad you got Nats home for a few hours and hope that he did get something from it despite being ill.

Today I was watching a christmas programme to clear it from my hard disk and I already can't remember who was where last Christmas, only how sad it was with mum in a home and dad in hospital. It really is these family/friends gatherings that bring the reality of how things have changed home to people.