Only half an hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[worriedson1]

About 9pm tonight i said to my mum, who was watching tv that i was going upstair to call a friend.....

In the Midst of the phone call only 10 mins or so, my mum shouts up the stair"Have you wejnt to your bed" i said i hadnt and that i was on the phone and i would be down shortly.....

About 20 mins later i hear my mum coming upstair and i'm still on the phone and i asked f thinbgs were ok and she saya to me "I'm going to my bed, i'm fed up sitting myself and i said to my self "WTF,i'm on the phone i told you that i would be coming back down"

I came off the phone and said "Mum, i told you i was coming back down" and she sai9d "I'm fed up of sititng myself, everyone has ******ed off".

She also tried to wake me at 9.30 AM saying she is fed up sitting all DAY herself.....at 9.30 am!!

I sadly think this is the dementia ...right?.

[SWMBO1950]

Got it in one I recon

About 9pm tonight i said to my mum, who was watching tv that i was going upstair to call a friend.....

In the Midst of the phone call only 10 mins or so, my mum shouts up the stair"Have you wejnt to your bed" i said i hadnt and that i was on the phone and i would be down shortly.....

About 20 mins later i hear my mum coming upstair and i'm still on the phone and i asked f thinbgs were ok and she saya to me "I'm going to my bed, i'm fed up sitting myself and i said to my self "WTF,i'm on the phone i told you that i would be coming back down"

I came off the phone and said "Mum, i told you i was coming back down" and she sai9d "I'm fed up of sititng myself, everyone has ******ed off".

She also tried to wake me at 9.30 AM saying she is fed up sitting all DAY herself.....at 9.30 am!!

I sadly think this is the dementia ...right?.

[worriedson1]

Got it in one I recon

[worriedson1]

I was not fully awake when my mum woke me at 9.30am when she said what she said i was like"Ehhhhh " and looked at my clock and was bewildered.......at first...

[SWMBO1950]

Thing to remember about dementia is the obvious it's progressive and secondly never be surprised by the behaviour or rational of a dementia sufferer.

Maybe you should try and be up at the same time as your mum in the morning and have breakfast with her and if you are tired have a 'power nap' later in the day (that is what I do).

Unfortunately this is the easy end of things so make the most of it whilst you can as you don't know how hard it will get until it arrives !

I was not fully awake when my mum woke me at 9.30am when she said what she said i was like"Ehhhhh " and looked at my clock and was bewildered.......at first...

[worriedson1]

Thing to remember about dementia is the obvious it's progressive and secondly never be surprised by the behaviour or rational of a dementia sufferer.

Maybe you should try and be up at the same time as your mum in the morning and have breakfast with her and if you are tired have a 'power nap' later in the day (that is what I do).

Unfortunately this is the easy end of things so make the most of it whilst you can as you don't know how hard it will get until it arrives !

I truly understand that.....and i slowly have to brace myself and i still say that the memantine that mum takes does help a great deal in slowing it down, not a cure and nor would i dare say that but a damn good drug that slows the insidious disease..

I stay up late at night online to 3/4/5 am in the morning to have time for myself and when i wake up whether it be 9/10/11 the "normal" sleep deprivation tiredness and the mental exhaustion that i have and glady have from looking after my mum, if you see what i mean?? leaves me quite shattered and the mental exhaustion which sneaks up on you at any moment, anywhere.

[worriedson1]

I truly understand that.....and i slowly have to brace myself and i still say that the memantine that mum takes does help a great deal in slowing it down, not a cure and nor would i dare say that but a damn good drug that slows the insidious disease..

I stay up late at night online to 3/4/5 am in the morning to have time for myself and when i wake up whether it be 9/10/11 the "normal" sleep deprivation tiredness and the mental exhaustion that i have and glady have from looking after my mum, if you see what i mean?? leaves me quite shattered and the mental exhaustion which sneaks up on you at any moment, anywhere.

I'm watching that Louie Theroux docuemntary at the moment about Dementia, they seem so happy and content and a hilarious group of characters(meant in the most POSITIVE way)

I see Echos of my mum in this, sad and uplifiting at the same time..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...Love_Dementia/

[FifiMo]

Hiya Worried son,

I agree that a lot of this is to do with dementia, but I wondered whether you could find some important tasks for mum to do - I was thinking maybe along the lines of it being the time of year for doing a spring clean. Do you have socks that need sorting out into their proper pairs? Maybe some drawers that need going through? Photographs that she could perhaps sort out and you could put them into albums? These are of course important jobs that need doing and would not only keep her occupied but would give her a sense of being in charge of something too perhaps?

Only other thing that I can suggest is that you contact the likes of your local alzheimers society to see if there are any clubs in your area that your mum could go to and that might give you some time to yourself too whilst she is there. Doing something like that is likely also to make her tired so she doesn't feel that she is sitting around with nothing to do maybe.

Hope you find something that suits you both as you both need space and time.

Fiona

[PurpleJay]

My mum lost track of time while she was living with me. I remember one time I told her I was going for a bath (she was unable to get upstairs) and would see her in a bit. After about 20 minutes she started shouting 'Jane where are you?' and I shouted back I was in the bath but she is deaf so couldn't hear me and kept shouting and started getting in a panic. I had to get out of the bath, go and remind her what I was doing and go and get back in the bath! I was really cross at the time - I wish I knew then what I know now. At the time though she said 'I thought you must have finished by now - I don't know what you mess about at!' when really she probably just forgot what I said I was doing. She always wanted me to sit with her but having her live with me meant she could come in the kitchen when I was doing jobs or cooking and she would do jigsaws with my son. If we watched a film with him (she doesn't like childrens telly and would sit in her lounge) or I had a friend round for coffee, she would come looking for me 'hasn't it done yet', or 'is she still here'!

After that I would say 'mum I am going for a bath - it is 3pm look. I won't be back until 4pm and then we will get tea together.' Mostly that worked ok. Sometimes I would have a bath when she had a visitor. You need a bit of space at times. In other cases would keep popping in to make sure she was ok during a film/visit. Funny how you start to adapt what you do.

Jane

[Bedelia]

I'm afraid this behaviour is due to the extreme lack of short term memory. Unless you are actually in sight, it feels to her as if she is in an empty house and has been abandoned - the length of time you are gone is immaterial, as five seconds will feel the same to her as five hours, or even weeks or months. The resulting sourness of comments such as "I never see you now" or "you can't be bothered to spend any time with me" is particularly hard to bear when you know you are there often and may only have been gone for a moment e.g. to put the kettle on, go to the loo, do the washing up, take washing to tumble dryer etc.

This acute separation anxiety can also cause the person to burst in on you during the night when you are asleep - either to reassure themselves that you are still there, or because they have forgotten that you are there and expect the room to be empty.

My mum's behaviour for many years was just as you describe, and it did get worse over time.

With regard to phone calls, there may also be paranoia issues to do with suspicion of you contacting other people "behind her back". My mum would often be obsessed with this, shouting out "who are you talking to?" or saying in accusing fashion, "I hope you don't talk to those people about me".

It got to the point where I had given up trying to speak to friends on the phone or even check emails or texts openly because of the trauma.

I'm afraid there is no real solution; but at least if you understand that it's because she can't remember how recently you were there, literally as soon as you are out of the room, it may be a bit easier to accept. I do think it's much harder if you are on your own with the person though; distraction techniques only work up to a point if you haven't got other people to help, and equally giving tasks to occupy the person will only work if they have enough concentration left to do this. (It wouldn't work with my mum; in the last few years, for instance, it would take a whole afternoon for her just to sign a set of Christmas cards, even with me writing the names, addresses, and messages and putting the stamps on, because she couldn't concentrate even for long enough to do that, but would constantly wander off mid task and do something completely irrelevant or just stop in her tracks.)

Ultimately, she needed to be somewhere with 24-hour supervision and is now in a specialist dementia unit. Even there I have noticed that she hardly ever spends time in her room - despite often finding the other residents annoying! - because she can't ever be alone. Mostly she will be in the lounge or other public areas where there is constant company.

[jude50]

have you looked into a day centre where you Mum could go for some company. You ' could have some 'me time' during the day and then you could get to sleep a bit earlier and get up a bit earlier to reassure your Mum. I would get in touch with your social worker to see what your options are. Have you had your carers assessment which will pinpoint your needs as well. My mum has to have someone with nher 24/7 as she gets anxious on her own so I have carers and day centre for when I'm in work and then I take over with my brother also giving me one evening a week for me.

Jude