Does anyone else feel like I do? I was a carer for my lovely Mom,passed 3 yrs with dementia, I would have, and tried to do anything and everything for her and now my Dad has it.
Thing is we have never had a relationship and it was because he is a very selfish, nasty man. All his life all he never spoke to us unless it was to call us very nasty names-queer,bent -his names for abnormal and continuously called us stupid.
I grew up and lived with it and still tried my best to please him and be a good daughter. I realized some years ago what a terrible life Mom had-Dad always in pub, or at social club committee meetings and mom never went out after she had us three He never let her spend any money on herself and would never allow her a washing machine!
Moving on to 2007 and Mom got dementia, I was on these boards-a different login I have now forgot- in tears how he treated her, very physical and extremely rough in man-handling her, refused to allow carers in because of the money (has thousands stuffed in loft-mainly all Moms attendance allowance!) When she went into respite because he was in hospital the day he came out he got her home, because respite fee was going to turn into more expensive permanent fee, social workers yelling at me on phone as I left the home with her to take her back but I could not because he wanted her home. He was in a wheelchair temporarily and used to bash it into her legs in temper, she was full of bruises. When he was well enough to go out again to his social club he would leave Mom alone,severe dementia by now, with no fire on in winter because it was "too expensive"
I did report it to social services and if I remember rightly they "told him off". When he was in public with her people thought he was wonderful, I used to think if only you knew.
The day she died we were all at the hospital and he was talking about his funeral plan payout whilst she lay there. He left at 6pm to go home, via the pub with my brothers and she died at 8pm. We were told she was dying but he went to pub! I was alone with her, sad but special,just us two, I was actually willing her to go because I was worried she could hear dad, the catholic priest who gave her last rites asked how often she had been "home" she came from Ireland at age 18, when I told him never because Dad would never take her to visit her family over there he had a tear in his eye.
Up to date, he now refusing to interact with the carers they have MADE him have, not letting them assist with personal care at all to prove a point, wants them as his maids-house is disgusting. I am trying my best to keep him safe, doing all I can, doing all the liasioning with healthcare professionals and seeing him everyday.
He is nothing but nasty, horrible, insulting-god you look fat today! putting my fiance down-who has the patience of a saint and just being awful, BUT...with everyone else is mr jolly the clown!!! has the doctors, shop assistants, recently the CPN and occy health lady rolling in the aisles with laughter so why is it only me???? my brothers hardlly see him and he is nice as pie to them.
My thoughts have started to go black, I want my life back, I have health problems that are ignored, school-age children I hardly see, my partner is finally getting fed up of how much I am having to take off dad- getting married in October and have not given it ONE second of thought. I live, breathe,sleep and eat Dad!
Even a thank you would be nice off him,I still keep going there and taking the daily abuse ( like poor Mom did) and please can anyone tell me why? Its not love, hate is a strong word but its popping into my head more frequent now....I hate my life at the moment.
Sorry to rant, dont think anyone can help but just maybe someone is feeling the same, I feel like the anger at him and the guillt are in conflict, I see an Ill, frail, old man and feel so sad but then I see red mist about how he treats me.
Thanks for "listening"