My father has had 3 strokes over recent years and with each one become more confused. The most recent has seen him in hospital for the last 6 weeks and still there. While there he has had every test known to man. He has had a blood infection (now clear) a urinary infection (now clear) but is dehydrated. He is incontinent and becoming more aggressive each day. My Mum is getting very tired after 6 weeks of daily visits as the hospital is 15 miles from her home and takes 5 hours with the traveling and visit. On yesterdays visit my Dad really upset Mum telling how useless she was and how he hated her and if he gets the chance will strangle her in the night or burn the house the house down if he comes home. This has really worried Mum and she doesn't think she can deal with him at home as she has her own medical problems at 80 years old herself. Social services are dragging their heels as to what to do, although they acknowledge she will need help (maybe up to 3/4 times a day) Mum is still concerned that the aggression and threats are not something she can cope with.
I and my sister have Homes and families of our own to keep on top of (I have a 60 mile round trip to Mums) but both try as hard as we can to help, but are made to feel guilty that we are not doing enough (like drop our lives and move in with Mum).
We all have concerns about having Dad sent to a Home, what with recent reports of abuse etc, yet can't see my Mum managing at home, even with 3/4 visits daily.
Where do we go from here?