Anxiety (my own!)

[angelmarbella]

At last Mum's room in the care home is ready - sooner than we expected - and we bring her down from Leeds to London next Saturday. Of course, she doesn't know, we keep mentioning we are bringing her down for a little holiday but she completely forgets.
She is still putting herself in a lot of danger - standing in the street in her nightwear, directing traffic etc and we all know it is the right decision - in fact it was the Mental Health Clinic who made the final decision she must be moved into care.

Thing is I am starting to suffer from extreme anxiety - I don't want any medication (that is another story) - I am trying to hold myself together for the move and everything that will follow but it is hard.

Does anyone else here find their nerves are frazzled (and I mean completely frazzled, GI problems, nausea, high anxiety) because of their situation? Is this normal? And, if so, how shall I deal with it.

Sorry for this to be about ME.

Thanks.

Angel

[CollegeGirl]

Hi Sally,

Yes, I think it's perfectly understandable to suffer from high anxiety and physical symptoms such as nausea due to your situation. I know because it happened to me!

I was suffering horrible physical symptoms, nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, shaking, and a really bizarre sensation in the back of my neck that would spread over my head and down my arms. Really weird.

Unfortunately I had to go onto medication, but that's not the only solution. I also tried talk therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and hypnotherapy too. None of these worked long term for me unfortunately, but that's not to say that they wouldn't work for you.

The talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy were accessed through my GP on the NHS; the hypnotherapy I paid for privately.

Why not give one of these a go and see if they help you?

With best wishes, and a hug because I think you need one!

CollegeGirl

PS - Also you could try relaxation CDs, deep breathing exercises, yoga, doing an exercise DVD - or do you have anything that you enjoy doing that takes your mind off things for a while? If so, try to build in some time each day to do it - gardening works for me, my mind clears completely while I'm gardening (although this wet weather doesn't help!)

[angelmarbella]

Hi Sally,

Yes, I think it's perfectly understandable to suffer from high anxiety and physical symptoms such as nausea due to your situation. I know because it happened to me!

I was suffering horrible physical symptoms, nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, shaking, and a really bizarre sensation in the back of my neck that would spread over my head and down my arms. Really weird.

Unfortunately I had to go onto medication, but that's not the only solution. I also tried talk therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and hypnotherapy too. None of these worked long term for me unfortunately, but that's not to say that they wouldn't work for you.

The talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy were accessed through my GP on the NHS; the hypnotherapy I paid for privately.

Why not give one of these a go and see if they help you?

With best wishes, and a hug because I think you need one!

CollegeGirl

PS - Also you could try relaxation CDs, deep breathing exercises, yoga, doing an exercise DVD - or do you have anything that you enjoy doing that takes your mind off things for a while? If so, try to build in some time each day to do it - gardening works for me, my mind clears completely while I'm gardening (although this wet weather doesn't help!)

Thank you College Girl

Sorry you suffered too. I have bought some Kalms and will try CBT perhaps. I am hoping I will feel better once Mum is in care and settled but I am not counting on it.

Thanks again for responding. It means a lot.

[nita]

Hallo Angel,

I suffered these sort of symptoms when my Mum suddenly entered the next stage of dementia after being in hospital and I found it very hard to cope with her. I couldn't eat, had diarrhoea, etc! In the end, I went to the GP and he gave me some diazepam (Valium), just a small dose, 2 mg. and I only took them for a couple of days and they calmed me down. They're best not used for the long-term but short-term they did help me. Perhaps you need something just to tide you over until your Mum is settled.

Best wishes,
Nita

[angelmarbella]

Hallo Angel,

I suffered these sort of symptoms when my Mum suddenly entered the next stage of dementia after being in hospital and I found it very hard to cope with her. I couldn't eat, had diarrhoea, etc! In the end, I went to the GP and he gave me some diazepam (Valium), just a small dose, 2 mg. and I only took them for a couple of days and they calmed me down. They're best not used for the long-term but short-term they did help me. Perhaps you need something just to tide you over until your Mum is settled.

Best wishes,
Nita

Hello Nita

Last year I had a panic attack out of the blue and the doctor put me on a high dosage of Alprazolam, also known as Xanax for 2 weeks and I got dependent. I had to wean off from a high amount of Valium to get over the withdrawal symptoms from the Xanax. Then I have spent the whole of 12 months recovering from the withdrawal symptoms of the whole ordeal. I can't tell you how hard it has been for me, my family and I have been dealing with my mum throughout. I dare never take another benzodiazapine again

Today I am in a terrible state and I wish I could take a Valium - I agree a small dosage would help but I just dare not.

Thanks for your advice anyway.

[Chemmy]

Hello Angel

Are you worried about anything specific or is it just the move in general? Honestly, I can assure you that once she's in the CH, you will feel such a sense of relief that she is safe and secure at last and someone else is taking over the burden of care. You'll be able to start enjoying your relationship with your mum again without the added stress.

[angelmarbella]

Thank you College Girl

Sorry you suffered too. I have bought some Kalms and will try CBT perhaps. I am hoping I will feel better once Mum is in care and settled but I am not counting on it.

Thanks again for responding. It means a lot.

Hello Angel

Are you worried about anything specific or is it just the move in general? Honestly, I can assure you that once she's in the CH, you will feel such a sense of relief that she is safe and secure at last and someone else is taking over the burden of care. You'll be able to start enjoying your relationship with your mum again without the added stress.

I know you are right Chemmy. I think it is a mixture of guilt, the 200 mile journey and how we cope with that, and what if she hates it or they throw her out or her dog doesn't settle. Also I guess it is the strain of it all. I am sure you all relate.

I hope I can come back with some positive news. Your response has made me feel much better. Thanks.

[Chemmy]

She'll be fine

Perhaps you could write down all the reasons why you've had to make this decision and stick them on your fridge? Then when the doubts creep in - and they will - just read them again to remind yourself that you're doing the right thing.

[angelmarbella]

Good idea.

Thanks Chemmy!

[Chemmy]

Standing in the street in her nightie does it for me.

[Goingitalone]

This is oh so familiar!

It was around this time last year that we were making plans for Mum to go into a care home. It was the worst decision I've ever had to make in my life and I was in a dreadful state. My posts on here tell the story oh so well!!

The fact is, Mum has settled really well. She's happy, always pleased to see me and we take her out from time to time in her wheelchair. She's safe and clean and has people to watch all the time-her favourite pastime.

Before she went in I had started to grind my teeth at night so badly that when she had settled (and I finally had time to sort out my own health) it was found that I'd worn a good deal of my right jaw joint away!!!

That's a good suggestion, writing down a list of the reasons why your Mum will be safer in care. I still have to remind myself from time to time because, although Mum has settled well, I still haven't.

However, the tooth grinding has stopped and I do sleep much better now.

We'll be thinking of you, Angel, and hoping that the journey isn't too arduous. Maybe your Mum should have the Valium so she sleeps the journey away.

Maggie

[angelmarbella]

Standing in the street in her nightie does it for me.

LOL Chemmy That is one of the milder things Mum does - but, hey, she's happy!

Good to hear your Mum settled so well Maggie. I hope this will be me writing in a year!
We did ask the doctor re the Valium but he doesn't approve. Perhaps we will have a bottle of wine in one of the motorway cafs en route!

Thanks for all your support. This is a wonderful site - I have not written that much but am often reading the threads and they are usually very helpful.

Phew! Glad today is almost over, am going to write it off!

[Goingitalone]

How did the journey go, Angel?

Have been thinking of you.

Maggie

[angelmarbella]

How did the journey go, Angel?

Have been thinking of you.

Maggie

Hi Maggie

Thanks for thinking of me.

My brother and I arrived in Leeds at her home on Friday and put in the car most of the clothes and ornaments she would be taking while she sat downstairs with the carer.
Her carehome room is almost fully-stocked as I have been buying and spiriting away certain items of clothing when I have seen her for washing and name-tag labelling (isn't that a drag??! Does everyone have to do this?)

We told her we were taking her to a lovely hotel in London which took dogs (her dog is her life) and she would be able to see us all much more often. She asked how long she would be staying and we told her as long as she likes.

Picked her up on Saturday - the carer had dressed her nicely and we set off quite quickly. She travelled really well and my brother kept her in the present and distracting her when necessary. The 4 hours including a stop went really well.

When we got to the carehome, we told her it was a hotel. The staff were very sweet and asked about her dog so she was chatting away. They brought us all a pot of tea whilst I unpacked. Mum loved the room. (I had organised a new tv and a mobile phone in a stand which looks like a regular phone so we can stay in touch - I live in Spain most of the time). Mum got a little nervous when she realised my brother and I wouldn't be staying and said she wasn't going to stay there alone. She said she was going to have a cigarette out the window.

The carer came in and suggested we show her the smoking room and the gardens where she could walk the dog and have her cigarette ... distraction worked.

The gardens are beautiful and she enjoyed picking up some of the leaves. Then we went into one of the lounges where they were serving tea and the carer introduced her to some of the other residents. There were only about 7 in that room. One or two were really out of it (whereas my Mum is active, fit and verbal) But a really nice gentleman resident (a former doctor) took her hand and kissed it! They sat next to each other on the sofa and I heard her say what a nice hotel this was and how long had he been there?! He said it was a lovely place but this was his home and now this was her home! I thought she was going to freak out but she either didn't comprehend what he said or it didn't sink in. At that point my brother and I left.

We have been told not to visit for a week so that she can settle in. The past two days we were told (when we phoned in) that she had been asking to come home although she tended to settle later in the day. Today apparently she is more settled and listening to the music with the dog asleep at her side.

Sorry this is so long. This is the update and once she settles and I have seen it for myself, I expect I shall settle. The experience has been pretty traumatic for me.

[justwilliam]

Hi, AngelMarbella. Glad that it seems to be going ok so far. Am in a similar situation in the sense that Mum is in Leeds (not yet in care home) and I am in London. Looking ahead, I am not sure whether to aim for a care home up there or down here, so I would be interested in your decision, provided it does not add stress by asking you to think about that.