FTD - how can we get through to my dad?

[kareninsurrey]

This is my first post on the forum - and is on behalf of my mum. My dad was diagnosed with FTD a few years ago and is declining steadily. He freely tells anyone who will listen that he has dementia and his brain has gone and he now relies on my mum, yet when he has made his mind up about something nobody is able to change it without resorting to really shouting at him. It´s like a wall that comes down. When I try to tackle him about it, he says that he hears what people say but can´t understand it. My mum is finding it increasingly hard to deal with.

An example the other day was that they were in a building and he decided that he wanted to go outside using the emergency exit. My mum explained that he couldn´t use that door and that he would set the alarm off (there was a big sign there). He argued that he could and so it went on until he pushed past her and went out, setting off all the alarms. This is just one example - there are often 10 or so "stand-offs" during the day.

My question is does anyone have any tips or ideas on how to get through to him, once he has made his mind up that he is right? I tell my mum that it isn´t worth engaging in an argument if it is something trivial, but there are times when she needs to get him to see her point of view either for his personal safety or her sanity! She finds it especially difficult when she is out in public.

Any suggestions?

[ellejay]

Hi Karen,
This must be so difficult for your mum. I haven't had this experience myself, but didn't want your post to go unanswered. I'm sure some TPers will be along soon with help.

Take Care,

Lin x

[Boudeca2007]

Sorry to hear this story. My late Mum started with FTD in 2003 and her whole personality changed. She turned very selfish this was the hardest to deal with as she had never been romtely selfish before. We had lost our Dad 10 years beore so she was on her own at her house. I distinctly remember one day when we went up to take her shopping and it was pouring with rain. We explained to her that we should wait until it stopped a bit but she was adamant that we should still go out. When we were out it started thundering and she looked at us as if to say " why have you brought me out in this weather ? ". When she was in hospital she wanted to go out for a stroll so we took her to an enclosed garden when she climbed on the wall and wanted to walk on the top of it.

FTD appears to affect a person in a similar way to Autism. The person has their own idea of what they want to do and where they want to go and they will not deviate from that. You can try and explain it to them as much as possible but they still will not understand. It's very hard indeed I know and different people will have different symptoms as well.

I would highly recommend contacting the Cerebral Function Unit in Manchester - they deal specifically with FTD. The also have a carers newsletter , information leaflets, cards that you can hand out to make others aware of this condition etc and they don't mind you emailing them.

http://www.cerebralfunctionunit.co.uk/

[kareninsurrey]

many thanks for the link.
K

[Helen33]

Dear Karen,

My late husband, Alan, had FTD. It is really important to understand that your dad really cannot understand what is being said to him at those times. FTD does affect intelligible speech and language and my suggestion is that your mum requests to see a speech and language therapist trained in this area as soon as possible. The S& L therapist can help both you and your mum to understand what is actually happening to the part of your dad's brain that is affected by this disease and also help you with finding positive ways of alternative communication. Shouting will not work as it is not a hearing problem.

Love