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  1. #1
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    misguided and illinformed busybodies!!!

    Arrrrh. OOOH I could scream the house down right now. As some of you will know from reading my past postings I am an only child and my mum has moderate dementia. She has been in a care home for 6 weeks and was placed in a permanent bed in a lovely home 3 weeks ago. This past week she had really settled down and although a bit grumpy had stopped being verbally abusive and threating to me. My aunt from London who had been winding mum up with tales of getting her out and taking her to London to live in sheltered accomodation was given a stern talking to by the social worker and since auntie dearest has backed off mum has settled down alot. My uncle also gave mum a talking to. All in all i've been a happy bunny this past week and was beginning to dare hope that things might be reasonably ok from here on in. Silly silly me...

    When I visited last night mum was annoyed that her expensive designer glasses had gone missing. We took the place apart but they couldn't be found. She even rang me this afternoon still upset but I said not to worry I'd organise a cheap pair and bring them over on Saturday until the good ones turn up.

    About an hour ago my phone went again. It was mum. She said the glasses had turned up. I said that was fantasitic news and thought that was the end of the conversation. Oh no!! Some neighbours of hers from back home who are also distant relatives turned up to visit and it all started again. This stupid woman whom I shall call Margaret decided to tell my mum she didn't think she should be there and why didn't she go back to her own home house. She told mum she'd go mad if she had to live in such a place. She more or less took the place of my aunt in that she has totally wiped out all the good work of the past week. Mum got very annoyed with me and said Margaret was right and she wasn't staying there any more. If I wasn't prepared to get her out then she was going to ring Margaret to get her out. I should add that when she was living 5 mins from Margaret she saw her once, maybe twice per month and then only for 1/2 hour at a time. Margaret has a severly disabled daughter so would not be able to be of any help to mum. I am so cross I'm literally bouncing of the celing!!! I'm having to talk myself out of ringing Margaret and letting rip at her. For now I'm being good but so help me if she rings me it will be a very very different story.

    I did not get into a conversation with mum. I told her the Tesco man was at the door and that I would see her on Saturday. She snapped she didn't care if she never saw me again.

    What is it with interfering people who feel they should comment on suituations they know very little about. I don't see why I should have to go into the finer details of mum's condition with this woman. I know I don't need to justify to her why mum is where she is. The professionals have already did all their assessments and that is why she is where she is. Margaret apparently even suggested mum move in with me. There is no one in my house from 8.00am till nearly 6pm most evenings so that's hardly suitable and anyway i'd not have a marriage before long if that were to happen.

    Has anyone any suggestions as to how I fend off these stupid people who are so intent on causing mischief.

    Isabella
     

  2. #2
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    Oh dear, Isabella, poor you.

    Do you think Uncle might have a word with this one too? Even if it's not a relative of his, he can always say he's concerned for you and his sister. She might take it better off him.
     

  3. #3
    All the tact of a sledgehammer!!!!!!!

    Personally, and only my opinion, I would phone her up and have a 'quiet' word with her. If she'll listen to reason fair enough but if she is still intent on causing trouble I would have a sterner word with her.
    Your Mum needs protecting from these 'idiots', for want of a better word.

    Take care and good luck
    Last edited by littlegem; 26-04-2012 at 06:11 PM. Reason: spelling mistake
    May your God go with you
    Dave Allen=Comedian
     

  4. #4
    I agree and would tell her the truth about your Mum's toilet habits, level of hygeine and abuse. Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.

    Play her back at her own game and it will be a long time before she sticks her nose in again.

    Lemony xx


    When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
     

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Onlyme View Post
    I agree and would tell her the truth about your Mum's toilet habits, level of hygeine and abuse. Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.

    Play her back at her own game and it will be a long time before she sticks her nose in again.

    Love this Onlyme





    Jeany x
    You Never Know How Strong You Are Until Being Strong Is the Only Choice You Have,
     

  6. #6
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    Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.
    Ooh, you are awful! But I like you!
     

  7. #7
    Dear Isabella
    I am so sorry to hear what has happened ... makes my situation look so minor!!

    Some people just can't help themselves, they probably didn't mean any harm, but use their mouth before the brain is switched on!

    I have followed your threads about Mum, and know how hard you've worked to get things settled for her, for somebody to take 30 minutes to undo it all.

    Please don't allow your mum to speak to you in the way she used, because she has now shown that she can be pleasant.

    I hope things work out.
    Love Jan x
    “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” - Buddha
     

  8. #8
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    Arghhhhh, so frustrating for you.

    Definitely follow Onlyme's suggestion!! :-DDDDDDD
     

  9. #9
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    I moved my mum 500miles to a care home near me. She kept getting phone calls from her old neighbours saying how much they missed her, how lovely her house was looking etc. that's the same neighbours who kept phoning me to say they couldnt cope with mum, she needed full time care etc etc.
    I ended up phoning them up and saying if they wanted her back they were welcome...
     

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onlyme View Post
    I agree and would tell her the truth about your Mum's toilet habits, level of hygeine and abuse. Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.
    Love it! That'd teach the interfering old baggage to mind her own business!
     

  11. #11
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    Wicked but brilliant suggestion!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Onlyme View Post
    I agree and would tell her the truth about your Mum's toilet habits, level of hygeine and abuse. Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.

    Play her back at her own game and it will be a long time before she sticks her nose in again.
     

  12. #12
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    I could quite honestly scream for you.

    I word quiet or otherwise should be had and nip all this new interference the bud.

    Best Wishes and I hope you have managed to calm down
     

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onlyme View Post
    I agree and would tell her the truth about your Mum's toilet habits, level of hygeine and abuse. Tell her your Mum is telling everyone that she is going to live with Margaret so you thought you had better check what time she wanted her before you arranged the taxi for Mum.

    Play her back at her own game and it will be a long time before she sticks her nose in again.
    Love it!!!!!!!!!!

    Nanak
    missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
     

  14. #14
    I suspect we're all channeling Onlyme.

    Moonflower - well done you.
    Jennifer

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    “A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”

    Abraham J. Heschel
     

  15. #15
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    Tell Margaret you agree totally with her, her points are valid and you're arranging for your mam to come and stay with her. What time will she be available to meet the authorities to finalise arrangements? Then say say you've got to dash before she can answer! Nosy old.........! Sorry but these folk make me sick.
     

 

 

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