Social services got it wrong for us, what do we do next?

[blightygirl]

Hello..

Been a frantic week, 82 year old father in law came out of hospital, after having a stroke, and he had a heart attack/bypass just 4 months ago, so is pretty frail. Not too bad over the stroke now, but absolutely knackered and in dire need of rest, not worry.

Mother in law has Altz, and has fallen over twice - first time broke her hip, hosp for 3 months, and just weeks later, fell over and cracked her pelvis, tho no op possible. We were told 2 days ago that she was being discharged, despite in our opinion, not being at her base level of being able to walk with zimmer so she can go to the commode/loo. We had a meeting with social services, the hospital physio and the sister beside her bed, and a huge row. Luckily I went with Dad in law, because he would've given in as they were so pushy for her to go home and on his own he couldnt have argued with them, but the bottom line is they wont help, other than a care package at home and she needs 24 hour care as far as we're concerned.

The physio and docs say that she is fit to go home, and yet my father in law and I disagree completely, she's shaky, weak, in pain - its etched over her face when they make her walk 30 steps which she could do easily before the second fall. But this is really beside the point, my father in law has said that he cannot be her carer anymore, he's shattered, ill and very very depressed. He's threatened not to come home if she's sent home. His own discharge OT in a different hospital have said that he shouldnt be a carer at the mo, and needs to go easy. They even offered him a care package at home, but decided to take his son and mine's up on the offer to help him shop, cook etc instead of strangers again.

Meanwhile, Social services in the other hospital said that they go on the physio's report on his wife, and that all they can do is offer a care package for home, and no funding towards a home, despite the fact her husband is now ill. They said that they send people in worse states home, physically and with worse altz's (as if that was something to be proud of, heh).

So we've been left no choice other than to find her a home, privately. That we were lucky enough to find on nearby, just one room was available for miles. The cost is huge, over £2k a month.. and of course, savings will go very very quickly.

What happens then? At the moment they have their own savings in separate accounts, but what happens when her money runs out? Do we try and get social services to change their minds, or can we appeal now? Its not just Mum in law that we've got to think of, and they dont seem to care about the dad.

I have no idea what to do next, and it feels like its a ticking time bomb with father in law tbh, I am petrified that he is going to get more ill with the stress.

Please, any advice again be much appreciated.
x

[lupo]

Hi Blightygirl. So sorry to hear of your situation. Its clear your Father in law cannot manage and a home will be best. I think someone will come along soon who is more clued up than me, but once savings down to a certain level they will take less, then under a certain amount just her pension leaving about £22 or £23 a week for essentials? My Mum went in a home on the 5th April, there was no argument, it went to panel and we are just waiting for details of what she will contribute. Take care xx

[Biddy88]

Oh Blightygirl, I totally understand your frustration! There's a big row brewing over my Mum's discharge shortly, I think. She needs 24 hour care too but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. Not only are you and I battling against an evil disease, but we also have to battle with the powers that be to get the help our relatives need. Exhausting and all so wrong.

I so wish I could offer you advice (God knows, I wish I knew what to do for my own family too!) , and I'm sure there are other folk here who will be more helpful, but for what it's worth you're not alone.

Mel x

[ggma]

So sorry to read of your difficulties, it is very distressing for you all.
In another thread today, there is advice that sending a written account and email of all your concerns and the risks that you believe are not being addressed can have more effect than a phone conversation or verbal meeting.

I would add that if you have attended meetings and help has been refused, I would insisit on getting a record of that meeting so you have the evidence in future if you need it to show that the risks were known and not addressed. If the professionals involved will not let you have notes then in the past I have made my own record and emailed it to the others who were there with a covering comment that if they have any additions to my notes to let me know. This has also had a useful effect for me in that it gets concerns and 'unmet needs' recorded.

It is so hard to keep on when so much seems to be against you, but do not give up trying. All the best.

[SWMBO1950]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this terrible situation. I know I shouldn't be but I am often amazed at how stupid and uncaring 'the professionals' can be when dealing with vulnerable people.

How unprofessional for a row to break out at someones bedside too. I would be complaining via PALS (probably after you get things sorted) as this type of behaviour should not be happening.

We keep hearing about Dignity for the Elderly but when will it happen??

[blightygirl]

Many thanks for taking the time out to write, and share :-)

I've decided to go to citizens advice in the morning and find out how to fight the decision - will put up any tips and hints when I learn em, just in case it helps others in similar situations. Been another tough day, moved MIL into the home and of course, its a big shock that just keeps on shocking as she has no short-term memory. Hopefully things will get easier for her and not so upsetting.

Thanks again,

Hugs
x

[blightygirl]

Just to give an update - and to say these decisions are always worth fighting!

A bit hollow now, as mum in law died, but I received an apology today and social services admitted that they made the wrong decision - and have offered to refund their contribution towards care home fees.

Its a shame everything takes such a fight to get things right, but if anyone is in the same boat, I really recommend complaining.

Still waiting to hear from PALS.

All the best, A x

[turbo]

Hello blightygirl, I am sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. My sincere condolences.


turbo

[dizzywizzy]

sorry to hear about your MIL, I am glad you fought it as this seems to be a common, thing, we are finding that if you complain things move quicker

[Biddy88]

V sorry to hear that BlightyGirl. XX

[geum123]

Oh how very sad.
I am sorry blightygirl.

[Onlyme]

My condolences to your family.

What a dreadful time for you and your poor FIL who will probably think he killed his wife. Who do these Dr and SW think they are?

Please carry on fighting as while it may not help your situation the next person may benefit from your fight.

[jude50]

I'm so sorry for you. you just despair when hearing such dreadful stories. Please accept my condolences for your loss.

Jude

[lin1]

Blightygirl
I am so sorry to hear of all you and your family have gone through and most of it so unnecessary.
I know it must have been awfull for you, but I am so glad you fought

I am sorry to hear about your MIL passing, Please accept my condolences
I hope your FIL's health is improving

[2jays]

Thinking of you xx