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Thread: Grief.

  1. #1
    New User
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    Apr 2012
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    Grief.

    My grandfather passed in September 2011 after having alzheimers for 6years, i was offered the chance to see him one last time before he passed but i declined because i didnt want my last memory of him to be one of him suffering so badly.
    Now 7 months on i regret this decision and constantly get angry with myself for not saying goodbye, will this feeling ever subside?
    I miss him constantly, and just wish i had that one more hour to see him again to say goodbye....

  2. #2
    Registered User
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    Jan 2012
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    I didn't see my Dad before he passed either because I was quite ill and I suppose I thought (hoped) he would pull through, but he didn't. I feel guilty sometimes but there's nothing I can do to change things. We do what we think is right at the time. Don't be hard on yourself, and remember him as you saw him last x

  3. #3
    Dear Lornamcg,

    I am wondering whether you have thought about other ways of saying goodbye to your grandfather? This doesn't have to be the end of the story for you There are all kinds of very therapeutic ways of being able to 'say goodbye' even when the person has been gone for quite a while.

    Just one way that I can think of is to write all that you would want to say to your grandfather and tie it to one of those chinese lanterns and let it rise into the heavens so to speak. Another would be to write on the lantern itself. These things can be done privately or with a special friend or two.

    Going back in time cannot be done but moving forward can. I do hope that you find a way through that works for you

    Love
    Helen
    Wife and Carer

  4. #4
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    Nov 2011
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    Yorkshire England
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    Dear Lornamcg,

    I wished I could have spent 1 more hour with my mum, but 3 months later I would not wish for my mum to be suffering any longer than she already had, her pain and suffering was unbearable right to the very end.

    I saw mum when she passed away at home, spent hours with her before the funeral directors came to take her. I was adamant that I wasn't going to see her in the chapel of rest, but 5 days later, I did. I don't see her lying in the chapel of rest anymore but I see her when she was alive and suffering towards her final days.

    Mum's ashes and photo sit on my window sil, and every week I buy her fresh flowers, maybe you could find peace by doing something similiar.

    Please don't beat yourself up about not saying goodbye to him, I am sure he knows how much you loved him.

    Take care x

  5. #5
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    kent
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    Write your memories down

    Dear Lorna,
    I found the most therapeutic thing is to go back over old memories..good ones funny ones, bad ones! Its lovely tojust go over old times and happy times,,the person you would have seen has gone..but it is the memories that stay with us that are the important thing that lives on, so either chat to someone about old times or jot them down. I made a book of memories about my dad and that really helped.... xxx

  6. #6
    don't beat yourself up you went with a gut feelinq I guess we all wish we had done more what you are feelinq is all part of the grief process I wish I hadn't annoyed my dad by being late one visiting time ! today would have been a milestone birthday for him last night I lit a candle at church for him and my mum to remind me that my luv for them is still alive and burning in my heart
    much support sarah
    The person who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused

 

 

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