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  1. #1
    Registered User
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    Aug 2010
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    Berkshire
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    504

    Unhappy Bryan passed away a year ago

    Hi all,
    By the time you read this Bryan will have passed a away a year ago today. To be exact 12.50 a.m. 18th. For the last 3 days i have been living a year ago, when i visited him etc.I know i am seeing my daughters and goin to his grave with flowers etc but it is now that it really is hard. But as Debbie has said we lost him a lot longer ago than a year.
    The home tried to contact me about 12.30 on my landline but as i have a hearing problem and taken out my aids i did not hear. It was only when she also tried on my mobile which i had by my bed that i was woken by the flashing telling me of a call. As soon as i realised it was the home i rang back and she said Bryans breathing was shallow and i should come. By the time i was dressed and rang Russell and Debbie and a neighbour took me down i was too late. He had passed away about 5 minutes previous. I will never forgive myself for that.I should not have left him that evening. I know he was alseep but i would have been holding his hand.
    I do miss bryan so much and feel so alone at the moment.
    Love and hugs Muriel xxx
     

  2. #2
    Registered User
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    Aug 2008
    Location
    Hertfordshire
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    2,695
    Dear Muriel I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, but I also kn6ow from bitter experience that guilt hangs around and even when you think you have dealt with it it comes back again and again.

    Anniversaries are always difficult, but many on the bereavement site I am also believe that it is the anticipation which is the worst, the reliving etc but that the day itself is never quite as bad as we think it will be.

    I send you love Jeannette
     

  3. #3
    Dear Muriel
    How I feel for you at this time. Even though you weren't with Bryan at the end, there is no doubt he knew your love for him and he felt safe to go when he did. He has left you with fantastic memories and a lovely family.
    I shall be thinking about you today, as you visit Bryan and put fresh flowers on his grave.
    Jan x
    “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” - Buddha
     

  4. #4
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    Apr 2009
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    Dorset
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    Dear Muriel,

    Do not, do not feel guilty because you were not there with Bryan at the very last. It is inevitable that you will recall your disappointment and sadness at not having been there with him, but you had already spent so much time with him before that. Try to keep that in mind instead.

    Sending love and hugs and understanding,
    Nan XXX
     

  5. #5
    Dear Muriel

    I just wanted to say that i am thinking about you and sending huge hugs your way. Im sure Bryan would be extremely proud of the way you have coped over the last year and would also tell you to stop feeling guilty as you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

    i hope you manage to have a peaceful day with lots of special memories to make you smile.

    Hugs to you

    Linda xxx
    Blessings are like glitter; they fall gently around us. You don't always see them until you look from a different perspective.
     

  6. #6
    Registered User
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    Jan 2010
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    Near Herne bay kent
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    Dear Muriel
    I am sending you bags and bags of love
    This Anniversary is a tough one

    If the tears want to flow, let them

    I wrote a lot more but deleted them as I couldnt make the words say what I really wanted them to say they kept coming out wrong
    so i will give you this instead
    ((((((((((HUG))))))))))
    xxxxxxxxxx
    Lin

    Daughter and former carer

    If only I could have Hindsight beforehand, oh what a difference it would make .

    Odd words,mis-spelling and punctuation are most likely due to my clever phone, it seems to have its own ideas about what I am trying to say, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it lol
     

  7. #7
    Dearest Muriel,
    Please do not feel guilty, Bryan would not want that. I know so many people who have passed on when their loved ones weren't there. You are judged by the love you gave Bryan through life as well as in the last months, and you have nothing to reproach yourself for. I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe you were not meant to hear that call at first. Maybe Bryan had to make that part of his journey by himself.
    I think these days must be pulling at your heart because you have such a love for your husband. So many of us are thinking about you.
    With love,
    piedwarbler


    Prayer of the Breton fishermen: “Dear God, be good to me. The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.”
     

  8. #8
    I`m sorry you are so unhappy you were not with Bryan when he died Muriel but it does seem to happen to so many, it`s as if he was trying to spare you. The most important thing to hold on to is you were with him while he lived .

    Sylvia

    Former Carer and Volunteer Moderator .

    I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet

    About me
     

  9. #9
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Greater London
    Posts
    1,975
    The thing that has hit me since Mum died is something that was said to me a few years back when she was in hospital - "now you have time to think". And thoughts are powerful things, especially on significant days. When you are feeling down it is difficult to stop the thoughts coming. I hope that TP will help you feel a little less alone today, amongst people who understand.

    (((HUG)))
    Mary
    x
    Mary

    Daughter and former carer
    Now doing voluntary work at local Carers centre
     

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    76
    Simply to say I am thinking of you x
     

  11. #11
    Dear Muriel,

    Sending love and a (HUG) that comes with the hope that you have some moments today that help to make it very special.

    Love
    Helen
    Wife and Carer
     

 

 

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