Hi my names Stef and I have been helping look after my father who is 5 years into Vascular Dementia. I say that quite loosely as I feel a failure. I looked after my dad when it became quite apparent that things weren't quite right with him. He became very Deaf very quickly and as a result became quite confused. His bad eyesight also completely failed and it all happened within months . I tried to do the very best I could for him taking him to GP and hospital appointments. The audio dept let him down too as when he had an hearing test and then they did a mold in his ear for hearing aids part of the molding broke away and dad ended up needing surgery ! I remember arguing with a consultant on the day as I was so very worried about my dad needing a general anesthetic at the age then of 83 to remove the foreign body.
My husband died very suddenly at a relatively young age whilst working and that's when my fellow siblings actually stepped in to take over his care as my life had gone completely to pieces. My dad is a Slovakian by birth and had a very traumatic past , which has surfaced in his dementia, but even that has progressed that he isn't behaving like a cat caught in the headlights anymore, which I suppose is a good thing. My dad didn't want to go into a home but as a family and him just having a three week stay in hospital after constant falls , severe weight loss and vomiting blood. We all had to make the difficult decision to place him in residential care. My dad underwent a mental assessment just over two weeks ago, that's when it hit me my dad was incapable of making any sort of decisions for himself anymore.
My lovely dad left the room and never came back and I miss him so very much. My mum died when I was 26 and when my own life went to pieces when I was 45... I felt like I was being punished by this man who looks like dad who asked constantly where my husband was....I can't tell you the mental damage that that did to me.
I know he is going to be well cared for and the homes policy speaks for itself..... you are here to live your life , not to end your days here.
so that's sort of my life at the moment