Right now I bitterly regret persuading mum to move this side of the border to be close to me. I did not realise how bad she was until she moved here. Literally since Christmas mum has been the focus of my world. I feel like I have been trying to push water uphill.
I think I have saw of auntie dearest for now at least. Step foward my daughters it seems. The eldest girl who moved to England at Christmas having previously promised she'd be there to help look after mum. She has a good heart but does tend to veer wildly as to whose camp she should be in. Its not that I want her to take sides so to speak but one minute she's fully supportive of my decisions the next she's arguing against them. My younger daughter and mum had not spoken word to each other for 5yrs until mum moved up here. She visted her a couple of times in the sheltered housing and fell for mum's stories of being hard done by. She agreed to help me out by taking mum to get her dentures fitted.
The last denture fitting was this afternoon. Mum told my daughter her phone was missing and also that she had bought cigarettes but someone took them. I don't know where she got the money from but my daughter allowed her into a shop and she bought more cigarettes. When they got back to the home staff told my daughter that I had asked for the sim card to be taken out of the phone.
My younger daughter obviously got on the phone to her sister full of concerns. I then got a very agitated phone call. I was told I should give permission for mum to smoke "allow her a few wee pleasures". I pointed out £23.00 p.allowance won't go too far if mum went back to her 40 a day habit, even 20 a day would wipe out the allowance. I have no problem supplementing mum's allowance to buy clothes, toiletries, hairdressing etc but I will not do this if money that should be spent on these things is being spent foolishly on cigarettes. My daughter also berated me for asking for the sim card to be removed. She has accused me if bullying mum. She wasn't the one getting phone calls at 3am!!! I said she knewthe main reason I did this was to try to get mum to settle and so auntie couldn't get to her so easily. To be honest I told my daughter I was next of kin I was doing the best I could. I said if she lived here she could be next of kin and she could make different decisions as she saw fit. We ended up arguing alot. I love her to bits but once she gets an idea into her head she keeps with it. As she worked as a care assistant when going through uni she seems to think she is some sort of expert in dementia matters and the running of care homes.
I'd be the first to admit that I'm far from perfect. Its hard enough caring for someone you love deeply but when its a case of duty and doing the right thing its very hard. As time passes I am disliking mum more and more. For the past 5wks without exception everytime I have spoken to her either in person or on the phone she has been horrible to me and been so abusive. She told me she hopes and prays I never have a moment's luck/peace for all my badness. She's told me I deserve to be sick as i'm such a bad person. She will rant at my elder daughter to a lesser degree. My daughter shouts back and tells her to behave. She will then apologise a few days later. She has never apologised to me and is generally careful to insult me when there is no one else around - my husband being the exception as she insults him too.
I am so fed up and stressed out with this all that I feel like telling daughter number 1 she can take over and just pull out completely and let her see what its really like day to day.
When oh when will this ever end and we can have some peace.