Becoming increasingly worried.

[asher]

Hello, I am new to this forum and am feeling so very worried about my Mother's mental state.
She is 85yrs old and lives on her own, I live a 100 miles away and as an only child the burden at times is unbearable as I am at a loss to know what I can do for her to get help as she is extremely difficult (never been an easy person) to help. I have noticed over the last six months that she is becoming more and more forgetful to the point where I have to explain to her how to operate microwave, friends names what day of the week it is, no idea what so ever about the value of money cannot tell the difference between £10 and £20 pound notes.
Recently matters have got worse and she has become extremely agressive towards me and also her friends who now very rarely visit her, she is accusing me of entering her house and taking a door, cotton reels, sewing machine and bobbins, there is no reasoning with her, I was so worried I wrote to her GP a private and confidential letter outlining my worries only for the GP to tell her I had written, so of course this infused the situation even more, she has an obsession about paperwork regarding her pension etc, which is paid direct into her bank where as she is now of the opinion she has to go to the Post Office to collect.
At this moment in time she has lost her debit card 3 times + her bus pass, but all she is doing is forgetting where she has put them.
Her medication is in blister packs but she calls them meals and not taking them in the right order.
I am not in favour at this moment in time and where does one go for help, her GP is of no help, I have spoken to Social Services but unless she co-operates there is nothing they can do.

It would seem to me that until she has a serious accident nobody seems interested but what can they do if she continues to reject all offers of help.

Mum was in hospital recently and because of the Human Rights Act even as next to kin they would not disclose any information.

What can I do ?

[jeany123]

Hello, welcome ,I think this sort of thing happens a lot from reading things on here I can't give you advice but I am sure that some of the nice people on here will be along soon to help .


Jeany

[judyri]

Deleted by member

[TinaT]

It doesn't ease your worries at all but really you don't seem to have any other choice but to jog along in the same crisis ridden way for a while longer until the inevitable happens.

You have persued every avenue of help you can to no avail. Perhaps if you stepped back a little and let her muddle on things might come to a head more quickly than you think. She will not let you take control and so if she does misplace bank cards, goes to the post office for money etc and realises that she does need help then this might b ring home to her that she does indeed need much more assistance with things than she presently realises.

It is a hard course to take not to abandon her completely but to give a judicious helping hand and leave her to get on with things until the crisis happens. Take care of yourself at this difficult time.

xxTinaT

[Jancis]

Dear Asher,
I just had to respond to your thread because I think I know from experience exactly how you must be feeling. I cannot offer any better ideas than those who have already posted. All I can say is that I do not agree with the way the mental capacity act effectively takes away the ability of family to help family in such situations. Having to wait until a CRISIS - whatever that may mean - how cruelly absurd is this world we live in?

I hope that your joining this forum will not depress you too much and you will find many 'fellow travellers' who you can turn to for support and more xxx

[BethT]

Hi Asher I know what an awful situation this is - its like a twilight zone when you know they need help but they wont have it and others wont intervene. All I would recommend is that you persist.. Put your worries into letters - itemise events that have happened and send these to the doctor and social services (the doctor doesn't sound very good to me). Say you think she is vunerable and at risk and isolated because you live away. Put the ball in their court. As others have said it might take something drastic to make them take action but written evidence of concern from you can do no harm and might make her higher on their radar. Best of luck