Sorry to be asking advice again but I am just about to embark on a possibly foolhardy action. As posted before 90-year old Dad is very frail and cares for Mum (89) with vascular dementia. He is reaching the end of his tether and wants to proceed with the purchase of a flat within 200 paces of my house; (they currently live over 60 miles away meaning that I am a long-distance carer to them both - about which I have posted before). I had reached breaking point recently and decided to step back but, of course, I have found this impossible and have simply scaled back on the nights I actually stay in their house, making shorter visits so I can spend a little more time at home.
The local flat is ideal in that it is so near to my house (can see one bedroom window from my own bedroom), is ground floor and has two bedrooms. Naturally, my mother is up in arms and refuses to move. I am just about to submit the forms for deputyship to the COP having finally received the Psychiatrist's contribution but I guess it will be 2/3 or more months before I can use Mum's money in any way to update the flat (which could do with this but is perfectly liveable in). Dad has a savings account which would allow him to buy the flat outright but will leave him with little to draw on until the house in Herts is sold.
My questions are 1) Can I legally force Mum to move - I am not applying for Welfare deputyship as I understand this is virtually impossible to get and wanted to go for the quickest route. I am also not applying for right to sell the house yet - is this easier to get once I have the general property and affairs deputyship? 2) I acknowledge that the move will probably result in a downturn in my Mum's dementia but I really don't know what the alternative is. Whatever we do she will be unhappy, even if it is only increase the carers' hours. After all, she has nothing wrong with her and does everything herself. I have tried to explain to her that there are three options: move closer, go into a home or have someone to live with them full-time. But, of course, Mum cannot rationalise and just goes into a bitter sulk whenever the subject is raised. Dad cannot carry on much longer without a disaster I am certain, then the decision will be taken out of our hands. I feel it would be better for them to have even a few months where I can tend to them daily and where my stress will be ameliorated by the proximity of their home to my own.
Any advice will be so greatly appreciated as I have only a short time to make the decision before the flat goes to someone else (I imagine).
So many thanks for TP help, as always.