Is it me or him.. So funny

[Kathphlox]

Bear in mind that we both (hubby & I) look after dad 24/7 with dementia, this disturbs me...Yesterday hubby told me there was a ham pestle in the fridge he had bought ready to make pea soup, but I looked today and it was not there. Today, I asked him to get the pestle out of the fridge... he couldn't find it.. so confusion, as I had told him, before, it's not there..there have been other incidents of of us having raging arguments about things that he has done or I have done.. I'm so worried that now either I have the start of dementia or he has.. but the incident of the missing pestle could indicate that it's not me.. I hope so, but in the event that it's hubby, I think I will run away, I couldn't take on another person with dementia to care for.. it's far too hard for a second stint.

Strange post I know... head in hands.. such a worry.

[2jays]

I officially confirm you have carers dementia - I know about this as I too have it..... Um errr sorry started to answer but ummm what did you say? But I am sure I haven't mentioned that I think you have dementia carer


What's a ham pestle?

[lin1]

I think its more likely to be stress related

maybe its in the freezer

[2jays]

head in hands.. such a worry.

Only a suggestion - but if head not attached to neck , that's the time to worry

HUGS

[Onlyme]

Its not you, its stress. I have found myself putting milk in the cupboard (just stopped myself), yogurt in freezer and nearly put plates in the washing machine. Our minds are not on what we are doing and there is part of our brains that are constantly processing AD information.

Its not you or your DH, its stress. If its not then you had better book me a bed at the same time!

[PamD]

Just wondered... is Dad mobile, and might he have found this pestle in fridge and thrown it out or hidden it? (No, I've never heard of a pestle as anything other than what goes with a mortar, but I guess it's a hock or something...!) (If I Google it I find a question "How do you say ham shank or pestle in Spanish", as well as finding this thread!)

[Helen33]

Hi kathphlox,
I remember posting on here worried that i was displaying all kinds of signs of dementia. They were so bad around the time of alan's death that i had to talk to the doctor. She took.it very seriously but we both agreed to go down the trauma and stress route first. It was stress. It is important to deal with stress and find ways of managing it as it can have quite severe consequences.
Love

[snedds57]

my partner is a teacher and reacts very badly to stress - with physical syptoms (flaring gall bladder) but also when he is very pre occupied I suspect him of having early onset alzheimers - and find all sorts of things in strange places and routine chores he has done for years not done. I lost him recently in Asda having said "I will nip down this aisle and up the next and meet you at the top with the trolley" only to find no sign of him. I searched back and forward, hung around (all with an armload of shopping since he had the trolley) for over 7 minutes and then reasoned the only corner of the huge superstore I hadn't been in was the very far top corner and that is where he was! I observed him for around 30seconds from a distance to see what he was up to...he was staring as if in a trance at the bread and I could see him muttering away to himself under his breath! I approached him and he looked surprised to see me!! I think he gave himself a fright with that one, and he has been ok since!

[Owly]

With emotional stress, the focus of the brain moves out of the thinking part, the prefrontal cortex, and into the amygdala that rules fear and emotion. Then, you just can't think straight. If the stress is bad enough, you go into freeze-flight-fight mode and then you're even worse off. The brain goes blank!

I do crazy things when I'm helping my mum and dad, and also when I'm at home again, thinking about them!

The secret is FOCUS. Be in the present, thinking very consciously about what you are actually doing, rather than revisiting the past or imagining the future.

[KatieB]

I care for both my parents, they both have dementia, and lately my own mind seems to be failing me. It's good to know that other carers are as confused as I am. And what on earth is a ham pestle?

[Kathphlox]

Call it a ham hock, that should cover it.. It's the front leg... I've used both terms for years, but it must be local to say pestle if none of you know the term

[Kathphlox]

Just wondered... is Dad mobile, and might he have found this pestle in fridge and thrown it out or hidden it? (No, I've never heard of a pestle as anything other than what goes with a mortar, but I guess it's a hock or something...!) (If I Google it I find a question "How do you say ham shank or pestle in Spanish", as well as finding this thread!)

We definitely can't blame dad for the disappearing ham hock.. he's not mobile

Oh, forgot to say, someone threw away some sandwiches out of the fridge and also turned off the washer... needless to say it wasn't me.. that's what caused the near argument... in the end I just backed off... It's a funny old life

[2jays]

Call it a ham hock, that should cover it.. It's the front leg... I've used both terms for years, but it must be local to say pestle if none of you know the term

is the back leg bit known as ham mortar?

facinating the different names for things in different parts of the country

hope you manage to find a way to help your stress - have been thinking of you xx

[jeany123]

This thread reminds me of a couple of weeks ago when I had a virus and could hardly lift my head off the pillow, Allen wanted to help but is limited to what he can do so i said can you put those few things in the washing machine and I will switch it on later, I had already put one or two things in the night before ,anyway I got up and struggled to the washer ,all the time feeling really ill ,managed to put the powder in and set it off ,i went later to empty it and there was just the few things I had put in the night before I couldn't think what had happened so I said to Allen where had he put the dirty washing ,he said he hadn't touched it and didn't remember me asking him to put it in ,I searched everywhere for washing still feeling ill and just wanting to lie down and go to sleep,I eventually found it in the tumble drier which is in the kitchen and nowhere near the washer which is in the back entrance ,I will check in future if Allen offers to help

[jude50]

I find that when I forget names or do daft things in work i say I've had a dose of Mumitis. I know when I'm feeling particularly stressed my mind is like a sieve.

Jude