As some of you may know from my earlier postings I have had quite the time with my mum this past while. Eventually she was admitted to a brilliant specialist dementia home last Friday and she went there willingly. I spoke to the home on Saturday morning and got a good report. Mum was chatting away, eating, sleeping and came across as very happy. I then spoke to mum and it was all doom and gloom. She hated the place. All the other residents were dummies - her words, not mine. I said she needed to give it time. I said my goodbyes and said i'd ring again. At 9pm on Saturday night the care home called and said mum wanted to speak to me. Mum came on the phone very agitated. She was demanding I come and get her and insisted she was going home. I asked home where? She then mentioned her childhood home that she left in 1959. When I told her this she went mad and said she hadn't said that. I decided not to argue with her and tried to change the subject before I said goodbye.
I rang today and was told much the same,mum was doing well and had made some friends. She had her nails done and there was a party planned for later. I told the staff member how mum was complaining. She said alot of residents do that when they first move in. She also reported overhearing mum talk to her sister and the conversation seemed to be that her sister was going to take mum to live with her. Mum later confirmed this to the staff member. Mum's sister lives in London. She has a 2 bed terrace with no downstairs bathroom and only 1 living room. My mum hasn't been able to climb stairs for over 3yrs.
I visited my mum's brother this afternoon. He was very worked up as he had been speaking to mum and she had been crying to him telling him how there was no one to speak to. She wants her own private sitting room apparently. She has a tv and an armchair in her very large double room I should add. When she lived in sheltered housing she wouldn't stay in her flat and roamed the corridors looking for people to talk to. I don't think she knows what she wants. My uncle then said that my aunt was going to speak to mum's social worker and insist that mum be sent back to her sheltered housing. I've told this social worker that I am next of kin and I don't want her discussing mum with any one other than me but she has ignored this and has spoken to my aunt in the past.
I feel I am getting nowhere fast. How can I ensure my mum is safe, warm, clean and well taken care of when my stupid aunt who sees mum once every 8-9 yrs tries to sabotage me. She told mum to fight for what she wants. I did ring the home whilst in my uncle's house and they spoke to him and said mum had spent the day laughing, singing and eating and was very happy. She told staff she loved her big double bed.
I'm at a loss what to do with my aunt. She won't speak to me so I can't appeal directly to her. Mum has a mobile so my aunt can ring her directly. This is my own fault. The phone had disappeared when she was in respite but I felt guilty so I decided to give it back but boy do I regret this now.
I'm so worn out with all this tooing and froing and constant demands from mum. I know i'll never please her so i've givenup trying. I'm just afraid my aunt will get her way and we'll be back to square one again.