How to Get Dad to Get Support?

[annebythesea]

Hi,Lots of things I have read on here have made me think about something I learned a while ago. In professions like counselling (for instance) you are required to have what is called 'supervision'. This doesn't mean (like it might in other careers) checking you've done your job right, if I've understood it right it's more about having a place to offload difficult emotions, and think about how you handled a situation. Like I said this is something you have to have because without it people in these 'caring professions' tend to burn out. And this is where they are a) not emotionally involved with the person they are helping and b) have been professionally trained. It seems to me that this forum is what you might call 'peer supervision' and can be very effective - I am very glad to have found it. What I'm still worried about is my Dad, who is not computer literate. He has now acknowledged that he is a carer but is not getting that 'supervision' other than he will have me grilling him this week when we meet up for a couple of days holiday . Does anyone have any experience of other ways of getting this kind of support as I would like to have something concrete to suggest to him rather than what might seem like random nagging. He should in theory be able to attend some kind of a group if they are helpful though it will take a lot of persuasion for him to ask his stepkids to come over more often so I'd like to have some very good reasons
Thanks, Anne

[Edwardo]

Good Morning, when my husband was diagnosed with his illness it kind of went in one ear and out of the other without registering. Over the next 12mths things at home got more difficult and eventually reached crisis point, I had no idea where to go to for help etc so my daughter phoned our GP and asked for help. He in turn put us in contact with our local Dementia Day Centre.. from that day on things have got better although my husbands illness is progressing quite rapidly I no longer feel like I am on my own. I get support through Age Concern, Ahlzheimers Association, Social Services and other organisations the help is out there you just need pointing in the right direction once you are all the other services do get involved. Hope this helps it helped me and my family I dont know what we would have done without out GP's help and advice.

Carolyn

[choccy]

Hiya and welcome to TP. My Dad's social worker once offered me some support that I felt I didn't need at the time, because I use TP.
I can't remember the name of the service, but basically it involved someone popping round for a 'chat' once a month so I could 'offload' so to speak, emotional support and practical if I needed ie help with filling out forms etc. I'm sure she called it carers support.
Anyway, I suggest you ring the social worker to ask what services are available.
Or you could try and teach your Dad how to log on to here, although think physically 'talking' with someone can sometimes be more beneficial.
It can be a lonely journey caring for someone. I hope your Dad finds the support he needs.
x

[Butter]

I wonder if you could get more support for your dad by getting more for your mum? It is not clear to me if your holiday is with or without your mum. If it is without your mum I guess your dad is able to get breaks. Maybe then he can get more breaks and instead of direct support could get indirect support from Gardening Club or Golf or the University of the 3rd Age ---- or whatever it is he is interested in. Weekends away to birdwatch/paint/walk/National Trust ...
However if he is getting no breaks from your mum - that is where I would start. Many people are more comfortable with that kind of indirect support - just time to themselves to chose what they want to do.

[annebythesea]

Hi all and thanks for your suggestions. Butter, this holiday is Dad's first without my stepmum and she is with her kids which is great. I am sad for him having to go away on his own, though glad he will be getting a break, so am joining up with him for 2 days of his week's holiday (balancing my own family's needs too). I will hopefully get to have a good talk and it may only be with this time away that he is able to be clear about how well he is coping. He does get some breaks but as yet has nothing regular in place, I will have to ask him if he has been offered 'carers support'. He does not like to ask his stepkids to help too often (he seems to think them coming over more than once a month is a lot to ask) but they 'would not want a stranger looking after my Mum' so I think this will need to increase as time goes by. I would love to see him getting a break every week but so far no sign of this.
PS Dad is 76 and refuses to have anything to do with the internet even though he worked with computers back in the early days of transistors and water cooling!!! I know there are lots of people his age and older who love it but he chooses to limit his access to asking me to look things up for him online.

[ggma]

I am sure your Dad will enjoy his time with you, and he will need more support as time goes by. Crossroads is an organisation that supports Carers, so it may be worth seeing what there is in his area that offers support.

Some carers groups have volunteers who will give the carer a break, and it may be that you Dad should ask for a carers assessment from the local authority so that he get some support each week, in our area carers can have up to 3 hours a week to give them a break.