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  1. #1
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    Is she bad enough yet?

    I went over to my aunt's house today, because her carer was worried by an alarm going off in the house, and wanted it sorted.

    I was very surprised to find auntie at home, because she should have been at daycentre. Only later did I find that as it is a bank holiday, there is no day centre. Maybe I should have known, but no-one told me , and the carer never thought of it either.

    So the carer got auntie ready for daycentre, and as the transport never arrived, auntie went out, walked round and round, looking for the daycentre (never found it). When I turned up, auntie had no lunch, and nothing in the house to make a sandwich with. She does not call anyone, as she cannot use the phone.
    So we took auntie out, and got her some lunch. Her balance is not too good, she wanders about all over the pavement, and trips now and again.

    Now I know she goes out sometimes and can see it is only a matter of time before she has another bad fall.How can I convince SS she is not safe to be left alone? She is so bad she does not even know where the fridge is in her own kitchen today. Any more ideas, you nice people?
     

  2. #2
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    Hello angelface!

    I don't know that I'm the best person to offer advice, being a relative newcomer to all this stuff, but I would get in touch with social services and your aunt's GP, tell them you have concerns for her safety, give examples of what's been happening, & ask them to do more assessments. The lovely people on here told me to use the words 'vulnerable' and 'at risk' so I did. I've found putting things in writing works best. I already had the name and contact details for Mum's social worker. I wrote a letter to her GP and attached it to a covering email - got the address from the surgery website. If you email now it will be in their inboxes when they arrive for work after the bank holiday - easier than trying to get hold of them on the phone.

    xx
     

  3. #3
    If you want my honest opinion - no she probably isn't bad enough. I know that makes no sense but from what I have seen on the forum, this sort of thing is pretty minor when seen in a social services viewer. If she had fallen, had got completely lost then maybe, but social services don't tend to deal in "might have happened".
    Jennifer

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.

    Abraham J. Heschel
     

  4. #4
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    Suggest you contact the day centre and ask them to let you know when they will be closed so you can ensure there are alternative arrangements in place for your Aunt. You could also say how disappointed you are that they had not let you know, usually services send out notes for carers about such things.

    There are a lot of bank hols coming up in the next couple of months with the extra's for Jubilee, and with funding as it is no day service is going to pay enhanced rates to have staff in on a bank holiday!

    I am surprised that you were not informed, as you say it put your Aunt at risk, and they should have known this.
     

  5. #5
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    Hi Angelface

    I think it depends on how thick you lay it on when you talk to SS. If you personally think she is not safe (I would tend to go along with this) then I would pull out all the stops to get something safe in place.

    Whilst I am the first to admit I am a 'control freak' - done for the best possible reasons i.e. my mothers care - I do make it my business to know when things are or are not happening etc. I would suggest a visit to the day centre and ask for dates when they will be closed for the rest of the year (they should have a list) so you can get things in place should you not be able to get aunty into a home at this time.

    Best Wishes and good luck with SS ps: just seen ggma has already suggested contacting the daycentre
    re; closing dates
    Last edited by SWMBO1950; 06-04-2012 at 11:38 PM.
     

  6. #6
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    Am I really wrong here to put part blame on the care person. I don't know if they are attached to her day unit? Are they supposed to leave the house before she is collected or should they know it's a 'Bank Holiday'.
    From what I read, I certainly wouldn't be tough on your Aunt. The routine for her was normal until that point. I feel very sad for her as she was doing everything correct in my opinion.

    Hope you get it figured out.
     

  7. #7
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    In my experience with carers they do what is on the care plan (some not even that if they can get away with it) but show little or no common sense.

    My mum has good carers but every now and again they do something really stupid because it is not written down in foot high letters and even then when it is!

    That is why I keep one step ahead of everything (or at least I try) so that things can tick over as well as possible. I do not apologise for being a control freak as I do it for the best possible reasons - my mothers care



    Quote Originally Posted by MISSJM View Post
    Am I really wrong here to put part blame on the care person. I don't know if they are attached to her day unit? Are they supposed to leave the house before she is collected or should they know it's a 'Bank Holiday'.
    From what I read, I certainly wouldn't be tough on your Aunt. The routine for her was normal until that point. I feel very sad for her as she was doing everything correct in my opinion.

    Hope you get it figured out.
     

  8. #8
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    Thank you for your answers, I have spoken to the care centre, but the bit I need is not open now until Tuesday, so I will be after them for the dates.

    Don't worry MissJM, I won't nag auntie about wandering off to find the daycentre.She is so 'away with the fairies', that the poor lady really has no idea of anything at all. Her carer only comes for half an hour morning call, and would not normally be there by the time the daycentre transport comes. However, you might have thought the carer would have more idea than me about day centres, I am really no expert here.

    Really , I am afraid Jenniferpa is right, no grounds for a CH yet. We are just waiting now for the disaster that shows SS that something needs to be done. I hope it will be a small and kind sort of disaster for my aunts sake. Her SW has now closed her case, so all down to me again.
    G
     

  9. #9
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    Hi SWBO1950,
    I am sure you are not a control freak, just sensible!

    I find that if I really tried to keep on top of the situation, it just wears me into the ground. I was my mothers carer, and after she died ended up with depression that even now is reluctant to leave me.

    Perhaps I am just a nasty person, but I try to look after auntie out of duty, rather than anything else. The strange thing is, my mother warned me about looking after my aunt, "when I die she will expect you to look after her", and it seem seems to be true. Do wish there was an easier way to do things.
    G
     

  10. #10
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    I am surprised the carer did not know about the Day Centre not being open on Bank Holidays as you would have thought they would have experienced this before with other clients.
    I am not surprised you did not know. My husband has been going to Daycare since December 2011. At that stage it was one day at Daycare and one assessment day at the hospital day centre. Christmas was the first bank holiday we had experienced and I found the hospital day centre was only closed on the actual bank holidays but the Daycare was closed for the whole week between Christmas and New year. I was taking him to these places so I got told but I can see how someone using the transport could easily not realise. Now we are at Easter which is the next holiday I did make sure I asked and it is only the actual bank holiday Friday and Monday they are closed. The carers that come to us at home still work but the charge is double on bank holidays.
    Tre
     

  11. #11
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    Thanks for the info Tre. I have also just found out today that my aunts shopping would not have been done on monday. The agency just pointed out it would be double time when I enquired about it.

    So how on earth was auntie going to get her food to eat? There was nothing said about a 'makeup' shopping session.

    Anyone think of anything else I might have missed?

    G
     

  12. #12
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    Hi Angelface

    Can I just reiterate:

    In my experience with carers they only do what is on the care plan (some not even that if they can get away with it) but show little or no common sense.

    You really have to be in front of the game or get your aunt into care if you feel it will affect you adversley, which is quite understandable - most of us suffer from stress her on TP in one form or another

    Best Wishes in whatever you decide to do but either way don't beat yourself up

    Sad as it is you must remember that the carer is as important as the person who is being cared for!


    Quote Originally Posted by angelface View Post
    Thanks for the info Tre. I have also just found out today that my aunts shopping would not have been done on monday. The agency just pointed out it would be double time when I enquired about it.

    So how on earth was auntie going to get her food to eat? There was nothing said about a 'makeup' shopping session.

    Anyone think of anything else I might have missed?

    G
     

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by angelface View Post

    Anyone think of anything else I might have missed?

    G
    I would watch out for the Jubilee celebrations as I am sure loads of council run places will be shuting.

    We had the same kinds of problems with MIL when the hospital wanted to discharge her over Christmas.

    Lemony xx


    When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
     

  14. #14
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    Thanks for the thoughts SWBO 1950 and Onlyme.

    As you say SWBO, gettng Auntie into care is an option, if only I knew how to do it. She went through the 'panel' to go into a nursing home earlier this year. Panel said she should go (self funding).

    Auntie said she was not going, and SW said therefore she could not go. Trouble is, Auntie is fairly placid, does nothing apart from watch DVDs, go for the occassional walk.

    We have just about the max care package. Any ideas how to get her to go? her quality of life is about zero, she is so lonely (no scarcasm meant here, I do so wish she would go into a CH).
    G
     

  15. #15
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    I fully sympathise. Mum is very much in the same condition as your aunt, with poor stability, depression and substantial confusion. She is being advised to go home to live (9 miles away from me), as she has fully recouperated from her bowel cancer now and needn't live with me any more. I am very reluctant to see her live alone, as i know i will be expected to visit her daily or even more frequently than that even though i have children to drive around and a full time job and no siblings or family under the age of 85! What I am getting at is 'the establishment' i.e social workers, community phychiatric nurses think she's fine to live alone, and i'm fine to give up any spare minutes i have to drive around after her. There is only so much we can do as carers and people cant ask more and more of us. Surely our mental and physical health is important too?
     

 

 

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