It felt odd today

[jill edwards]

Barely a few weeks since dad was cremated I was back at the creme for my aunts funeral she too had Parkinson and lewy bodies and it made me feel odd again especially seeing my uncle who is dreadfully ill with cancer sitting in the wheelchair I got for dad by it which he never used. We all know that my uncle has been hanging on for my aunt and talking to him today he said he had nothing to live for. I talked to my cousins and it brought back in memories tonight I feel bad again and tomorrow I have my friends funeral she had ms but was younger than me. I really want to give up work and do things before it's my time. Once again I have had bought to my attention that life is frail and we should try to make the most of it whilst not trampling on others.
Listening to the tributes to my aunt and thinking of what we said at dads funeral are we only memories at the end of the day. What will people say about me? Do I care of course I do. I suppose I'm just confused tonight story to ramble but just needed to get something down thank you for the opportunity.

[maryw]

Hello Jill, so sorry to hear of those losses. I can well understand how it makes you feel old and puts you in touch with your own mortality. Personally, I think the awareness you have been given is something to treasure. It does matter how we live every day and surely it can only be a good thing if we leave this world a better place for us having been in it. I certainly had thoughts like yours too after losing a whole string of much loved friends and relatives.

I also understand how it feels odd to hear someone's whole life just wrapped up in a few sentences of eulogy.

You are right, we have to live life to the full and live now. I'm still working and plan to do so for years yet. I teach so I do have some job satisfaction in passing on knowledge down the line.....

Take care xx

[jill edwards]

Thanks Mary
I too teach and have always thought that the main point of my work was to teach you get people to be nice polite individuals. Well mannered etc. It was interesting to see that some educationalists have said this too recently. However it does make you wonder if it's worth it.I don't mean to sound negative but my parents worked so hard all their lives and ended with very little. I feel bad on their behalf and am looking into early retirement I'm just coming up 56 but can't really afford too as my husband doesn't work after a nervous breakdown three years ago. I don't want to end too stressed and. It enjoy my retirement.

[Deborah Blythe]

Dear Jill Edwards, I'm sorry to hear about your recent losses. That is so sad. Please be very kind to yourself: you are sounding a bit fragile, which is perfectly understandable. If you can carry on teaching a bit longer, or maybe cut some of your hours, I think you might get the best of both worlds. More time for yourself whilst still benefitting from the world of work.

I am quite sure that lots of nice things will be said about you when the time comes, but I'm also sure that that time won't be for quite a while yet.

Your comments about your parents struck a chord with me. I was listening to a couple of elderly customers at the library the other day chatting as they waited for their mobility bus to come and pick them up. One of them was offering the other a ride on his mobility scooter, to get to the other end of the library.

They were very good natured with one another, although both frail and not very well off. I thought ' They don't have a lot to speak of in material terms, but they are so pleasant and cheerful, they make me feel sort of proud of them. I don't suppose too many of their dreams came true, but they are honest and likeable and unassuming. Their modesty does them credit.' I felt sorry too, that their lives did not seem to be a whole basket of fun, but they weren't complaining.

I'm sure you have done your parents proud, stay strong and be kind to yourself. x

[jill edwards]

I have always told my son live your life by your own standards not by others but set your standards high!! I'm just feeling fragile tonight. My friends husband the one whose funeral I'm going to tomorrow has nursed her for two years and I've never heard him moan i should really put things in perspective eh ah well I shall say my goodbyes tomorrow. Managed to see her about two days before she went and apologized for not seeing her as I'd been looking after dad. She just smiled I'm sure she understood. All we can do at the end is try our best, keep smiling love and best wishes jill.

[Helen33]

Dear Jill,

thinking of you at this time of multiple funerals. I agree that this is a time that you need to be kind to yourself.

Love

[jill edwards]

Thanks Helen I reply appreciate all the support I get from tp I don't know how I could have got through the last few weeks without everyone's support it has helped tremendously. I know I'll get through. Just feel a bit low tonight.

[Helen33]

Do you know Jill that I sometimes wonder myself about life and things when I am involved in someone death or dying. I know that I won't have made much difference to this world - not on a grand scale. I know I might have made little differences to a few people but nothing much really. I just live moment by moment. TP has been a tremendous support to me. I dread to think where I would have been without it. I still love the fact that all the TP folk are there, online, whenever I have the need to connect.

This is YOUR time Jill. We are here for you especially at the moment. I don't know whether you saw what Grannie G (Sylvia) put on TP once about looking over your shoulder and we will be there Well tomorrow if you look over your shoulder, imagine we are all there with you Sylvia tells it better than me.

Love

[jill edwards]

xxx THANKS

[Helen33]

Hello Jill,

Just in case you're looking over your shoulder at this moment, I am here with you

Love

[2jays]

Thinking of you