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  1. #16
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    It is sad isn't it. It is a lot for you to deal with when you have both parents with different and sometimes conflicting needs and you are trying to help both of them. It is good your mum can have a chat with the other ladies.

    I think it is quite reasonable to ask how she spends her days. You may be able to suggest things to help the staff too. Does your mum and dad have any photographs at the home? The only think my mum is interested in really is photographs and it gives the staff something to talk to her about. I mention them from time to time to remind them. Occasionally I buy her a paper but have stopped taking magazines as she doesn't read them. She is happy to receive a paper but again I don't know how much she reads but it doesn't matter as she is happy to have it There are magazines about and I sometimes leave her with one when I go when she is having a good day. Many residents watch a lot of telly but it tends to annoy mum so when she is in the small lounge it is usually off.

    The home has games (dominoes, skittles), jigsaws, functions like cheese tasting or sales during the day and they do things like hand massage and nail painting. Some of the ladies have their hair done every week when the hairdresser comes. They have things like mega blocks and musical instruments but I haven't seen them get much use. They take residents for a walk when the weather is good and have outings to places like cafes, mcdonalds, shops etc. Occasionally there is a trip to a zoo or the seaside. They have a bar and entertainment on thursdays! Mum has only been there since Nov and they tried to take her shopping before xmas but she refused to go and kept taking her seatbelt off in the mini bus. They may try again at some point. They take her outside or to functions but she can get quite agitated by them. She has never been one for long but they try. She has had her nails painted a couple of times and likes to sit and chat. The rest she won't join in and isn't interested but again they do try regularly.

    At home, mum only used to read and watch soaps but she cannot concentrate on either now. She looked at photos when bored and liked a chat so pretty much the same there. She used to like to play with my son but struggles now to concentrate although she likes to watch him on a good day and is pleased to see him.

    Hope you get to see the manager. There is usually someone in mums care home on duty as management if you want a chat about what is happening. Be this the manager/matron or owner or someone else. The manager is always encouraging relatives to discuss things and will come and chat if you visit when she is around. We are very lucky it seems in that sense. When I have been worried about anything, a chat with her usually makes me feel better and she knows what is happening on the floor as it where.

    Hugs
    Jane x
     

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by sussexsue View Post
    Hi Jennie

    Is there a reason why she has to spend so much time in the communal lounge and the residents rooms are locked. My mum spends a lot of her time in her own room and within the secure unit has the freedom to shuffle around the whole unit (sadly sometimes ending up asleep in the wrong room, but they seem to sort that out pretty quickly).
    I think they do this because of the amount of things that go missing otherwise, Sue. There are a number of residents who wander round, and although they all now have a photo and name on each door, they still go into each others rooms. It's clearly caused problems in the past, and is the home's policy now.
    I was told that they don't advise even having flowers in their rooms, because they can get eaten , which is why I have bought the silk plants. It's a shame because I would love to take mum some flowers every week for her room. As she's on the ground floor, just outside her window is an area with pots which will be planted up, so I thought I'd ask if I could do one just for her. She has always been okay with her own company, she always says she loses herself in a book, and she always liked the tv. She has her own tv in the room too. As well as the lounge there are other places to sit, and as I've said before I think, they are going to make a little cafe area for them soon. I think I will also get some nice pictures for her walls, she just has family pictures there. It's a nice room but still a bit impersonal as we can't have ornaments. I'm a bit torn about what to do with it, as if she literally only goes in there to sleep, what else might she need? She has a bed, chest of drawers, two chairs (all from the care home, but I was wondering about getting her a nice armchair?) and her TV and puzzle board/ table, which has not been touched since I set it up, with the puzzle partly done.

    Quote Originally Posted by PurpleJay View Post
    ....You may be able to suggest things to help the staff too. Does your mum and dad have any photographs at the home? The only think my mum is interested in really is photographs and it gives the staff something to talk to her about. I mention them from time to time to remind them.

    She has had her nails painted a couple of times and likes to sit and chat.

    At home, mum only used to read and watch soaps but she cannot concentrate on either now.
    That's a good idea to talk to the activites lady, she is really nice and often there at weekends too. She has told me that mum joins in with the word games they do. Because mum has only been there during the winter, they haven't done any outings yet, but I did see on the notice board that they were going to have some when the weather gets better, so I'm sure mum will enjoy those, although she turned her nose up when I mentioned them yesterday. They do have a sherry morning too! Also manicures.

    She does have a photo album, but I don't know if that gets looked at other than with me. I'm thinking of doing another to keep in Dad's room so they could look at it together when he can see better. The thing is of course, that they both need people to tell/ suggest to them that they look at the album or read, and fact that she needs her reading glasses with her on a chain round her neck all the time. I filled in a form of both their interests when they went to the care home, so I would assume that these are included in their care plan? If I knew a bit more about the whole process I think I'd feel more reassured. If the time was right, I'd like mum to go into Dad's lounge when they were watching a musical for example as they both love them. The activities lady in Dad's part is no where near as approachable as mum's, but Dad is quite difficult at times when he thinks he's being made to do something, even when he isn't! He does love music and has a cd player which the staff do put on for him. That might be something I could suggest to distract him from his endless 'hello-ing'?

    Seeing what I have written here, has confirmed that I don't have a problem with the home and the overall activities, but just need to reassure myself about the attention that mum is getting. I will also have a word with her doctor as I know she is on a mild anti- anxiety medication, and until recently has been seeming to have settled, and actually said she is happy there.

    All your suggestions have really helped and have allowed me to focus on what I need to ask and do.... who needs counselling when we have TP? Thank you all xxxx
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  3. #18
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    just pondering ... to make mum's room more personal, a favourite perfume/scent. not sure how practical/safe - in a little room between my livingroom and kitchen i have some pot pouri with a beautiful soft scent. Lovely.

    Just an idea. Maybe drawer liners
    _____________________________
    Chris x

    It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. Rose Kennedy
     

  4. #19
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    It's so difficult to guess what's right to do. When my mum lived in her house, she had ornaments etc on every available surface. On one shelf alone she had about 50 small teddies. She wouldn't get rid of anything. ( I even suggested she donate some of the cuddly toys to a childrens charity, that went down well)

    When she went into the CH, we picked her favourite bits to take. Practically from the word go she would say " Don't know why that load of rubbish is there" & each visit there are more gone ( she sends them home with my BIL, )

    If we're out & see something she admires, I buy it for her, next week my BIL has it at his house. (I'll have to stop doing it, he'll need an extension soon )

    The perfume idea sound nice, good luck anyway

    Lin x
     

  5. #20
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    Thankyou for the suggestions - I know mum would be safe with pot pourri, but not sure about anyone else who might come in. The drawer liners; I got her some in her stocking at Christmas, put them in the drawers of the chest in the previous room she had, but of course then after Christmas she moved rooms, but that chest of drawers didn't, so all were lost . I honestly don't think she would notice them as she doesn't put her clothes away or get them out, plus the soap powder they use is so strong, everything smells of it! She does have a couple of furries that used to sit on her bed here which I could take. I had hoped that if she could stay out of the EMI unit she could have taken some of her own furniture and ornaments, some of which belonged to her mum, but I can't risk that really, and dad wouldn't want them in his room, also she might wonder why he had them and she didn't!
    Last edited by Dazmum; 01-04-2012 at 04:16 PM.
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  6. #21
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    My mum ate the novelty soap in someone else's room when she wandered in once. It looked like fruit It took them a while to work out why she was being sick.

    How about a couple of bird feeders outside her window? You can get those shepherd's crook poles you just stick in the ground.

    I now have a CD player in her room with a selection of charity shop CDs and the staff are under instructions to turn it on if she's in there for afternoon or early evening bed rest. Somehow it makes it seem more restful.
     

  7. #22
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    Music would be a good idea, it seems that she is only in her room after 6 pm, not sure what time they go to bed.

    Just had a call from the home to say dad has had another fall. He has a cut on the back of his head and in bed with someone is now sitting with him, he's very sleepy so they are keeping a close eye on him. Not bad enough to call the emergency doctor they say, but his own doctor is coming in the morning. They will call me if there is any change in him. I have the feeling that my poor old dad has had enough of his life, and gets very little, if any, enjoyment from it anymore. He does fall about quite a lot, but thankfully doesn't break anything, I think that would finish him off, as he is very frail. He has been calling out all day and trying to get up, which obviously is how this has happened. I'll go and see him in the morning when the doctor is there. What a weekend
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  8. #23
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    Hello Jennie, what an awful weekend. I hope your dad is ok and that the GP will check his recent cataract surgery. My husband was in his forties when he had his first cataract surgery and I seem to remember him saying he had to be careful not to fall or knock his eye for a good while after surgery. Thinking of you.

    turbo
     

  9. #24
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    Jennie, I'm so sorry to here that! Your poor dad! I'm glad he hasn't broken anything.

    What a weekend!

    things can only get better!!!
    _____________________________
    Chris x

    It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. Rose Kennedy
     

  10. #25
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    Oh crumbs Turbo, I didn't even think about that. Oh dear I hope that will be ok, don't want yet another thing to add to his list of troubles, poor old chap. I'm feeeling a bit guilty wondering if I should go there, but I can't actually do anything, if he's sleeping, and they have said they will call. Also had a large glass of wine out in the garden before I received the phone call so can't drive....
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  11. #26
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    Hi Jennie

    So sorry to hear about your Dad having a fall, I hope he is comfortable and the doc can reassure tomorrow.

    How about a nice furry throw for Mum's bed, you can get some beauties and she may enjoy stroking it, Mom loved hers, we had 3 because it did get quickly grubby with food and drink spills as she often sat with it over her lap for comfort

    Love and hugs
    jxx
    My Darling Mom Sept 2007





    " Yesterday is gone, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just 1 day, Today, & I'm going to be happy in it."
     

  12. #27
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    That's a great idea Jayne. i did take her own duvet and cover in but it disappeared. a furry cover i less likely to go missing although goodness knows what it will look like if they wash it! i could say that i will wash it myself though.
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

  13. #28
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    Sorry about your dad, Jennie. They will call if they need you, so try to stop worrying.

    If you can see the Doc tomorrow,you could ask him to check your dads eyes.

    Lin x
     

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dazmum View Post
    Oh crumbs Turbo, I didn't even think about that. Oh dear I hope that will be ok, don't want yet another thing to add to his list of troubles, poor old chap. I'm feeeling a bit guilty wondering if I should go there, but I can't actually do anything, if he's sleeping, and they have said they will call. Also had a large glass of wine out in the garden before I received the phone call so can't drive....
    Hello Jennie, I am sorry, I did not mean to add to your worries. I am a bit paranoid about eyes. My husband has had three lots of cataract surgery and surgery for a detached retina over the last few years.

    turbo
     

  15. #30
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    Not at all Turbo I'm glad you mentioned it so i can ask.
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.
    ― Julian of Norwich
     

 

 

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