It is sad isn't it. It is a lot for you to deal with when you have both parents with different and sometimes conflicting needs and you are trying to help both of them. It is good your mum can have a chat with the other ladies.
I think it is quite reasonable to ask how she spends her days. You may be able to suggest things to help the staff too. Does your mum and dad have any photographs at the home? The only think my mum is interested in really is photographs and it gives the staff something to talk to her about. I mention them from time to time to remind them. Occasionally I buy her a paper but have stopped taking magazines as she doesn't read them. She is happy to receive a paper but again I don't know how much she reads but it doesn't matter as she is happy to have it There are magazines about and I sometimes leave her with one when I go when she is having a good day. Many residents watch a lot of telly but it tends to annoy mum so when she is in the small lounge it is usually off.
The home has games (dominoes, skittles), jigsaws, functions like cheese tasting or sales during the day and they do things like hand massage and nail painting. Some of the ladies have their hair done every week when the hairdresser comes. They have things like mega blocks and musical instruments but I haven't seen them get much use. They take residents for a walk when the weather is good and have outings to places like cafes, mcdonalds, shops etc. Occasionally there is a trip to a zoo or the seaside. They have a bar and entertainment on thursdays! Mum has only been there since Nov and they tried to take her shopping before xmas but she refused to go and kept taking her seatbelt off in the mini bus. They may try again at some point. They take her outside or to functions but she can get quite agitated by them. She has never been one for long but they try. She has had her nails painted a couple of times and likes to sit and chat. The rest she won't join in and isn't interested but again they do try regularly.
At home, mum only used to read and watch soaps but she cannot concentrate on either now. She looked at photos when bored and liked a chat so pretty much the same there. She used to like to play with my son but struggles now to concentrate although she likes to watch him on a good day and is pleased to see him.
Hope you get to see the manager. There is usually someone in mums care home on duty as management if you want a chat about what is happening. Be this the manager/matron or owner or someone else. The manager is always encouraging relatives to discuss things and will come and chat if you visit when she is around. We are very lucky it seems in that sense. When I have been worried about anything, a chat with her usually makes me feel better and she knows what is happening on the floor as it where.