Advice please - Respite?

[S GREENER]

Hi there.....Could someone please advise me about respite? I have lived with my Mum since she was diagnosed and last year I reduced my working week down to 4 days so I can spend Fridays as a quality day with her. I have a carer in Mon-Thurs while I gp to work and I have 4 hours on a Wed eve so me and my other half can actually have a night out together. (I've been with him for just over 24 yrs, but the poor bloke has to spend lots of time on his own these days as I have to be with Mum). My latest problem is that my 2 brothers can no longer give me an occassional overnight break as Mum has got to the stage where she needs a female to assist her on the toilet etc. Everybody thinks the easy way out is to put her into respite so I can have a holiday away, but for me I just can't face doing that. She has never been away from the home before - unless it's been with me - and I know she would be so scared. My partner is starting to pressurise me into going on a holiday with him, but I don't want to put Mum into respite. I just feel that that time will come all too soon and I don't want to waste precious time by putting her in now - even though it would only be for 1 or 2 wks. Has anyone else been in this same scenario who could perhaps give me some advice? Many Thanks x

[ggma]

I do know of people who have used an agency and arranged for someone to stay with their relative in their own home for a week on a 24 hr basis rather than use a care home for respite.

There are agencies who do offer this type of service, and if this might be a better option for you.

I do hope you take a break, it is important to be able to think about yourself as well.
All the best

[S GREENER]

Thanks GGMA - do you know how I can find out about agencies who'd stay at our house instead of Mum going into respite? Would it be via Social Srvices (as they've not mentioned this to me in the past). Regards. Sx

[longacre]

We used an agency for my mother who provided 24 hour carers at her home. Your Alzheimers Society local office may be able to help or point you in the right direction even though they don't officially give recommendations. It worked for us for seven months, although change over days were a real stress and often involved a 2.5 hr drive over to be on hand when it happened. This was a self-funded situation. You can also look online for things in your area, but obviously personal recommendation makes a big difference. Good luck.

[Goingitalone]

I'm afraid most social services won't fund 24 hr care. It's much more expensive than respite.

I have been in a similar situation, though. Many on here will remember my agonies over respite for my Mum.

Actually, she accepted it very well. She loves to watch people and had 3 respite stays in all 2 of them for one week and one for 2 weeks when my brother (with whom she lived) had breakdowns due to his mental health problems.

In the end he could cope no longer even with carers going in and me there for the hours that weren't paid for by social services.

The fact that Mum had been in respite was probably what helped her to settle in her care home eventually. It wasn't quite such a new experience and this present care home is so much better than her respite ones. The staff are wonderful.

So please don't see respite as a negative thing. Your partner probably has your best interests at heart. You need a holiday and you'll care so much better after a break.

All the very best,

Maggie

[S GREENER]

Many Thanks for your advice - I will make further enquiries. Best wishes, x

[S GREENER]

I'm afraid most social services won't fund 24 hr care. It's much more expensive than respite.

I have been in a similar situation, though. Many on here will remember my agonies over respite for my Mum.

Actually, she accepted it very well. She loves to watch people and had 3 respite stays in all 2 of them for one week and one for 2 weeks when my brother (with whom she lived) had breakdowns due to his mental health problems.

In the end he could cope no longer even with carers going in and me there for the hours that weren't paid for by social services.

The fact that Mum had been in respite was probably what helped her to settle in her care home eventually. It wasn't quite such a new experience and this present care home is so much better than her respite ones. The staff are wonderful.

So please don't see respite as a negative thing. Your partner probably has your best interests at heart. You need a holiday and you'll care so much better after a break.

All the very best,

Maggie

__________________
Thanks Maggie - one of my brothers has actually mentioned that respite would be a good idea for a couple of days anyway, so that she gets used to it rather than it being a sudden shock if she had to go in due to an emergency or unforseen circumstance. I still can't help but feel guilty though and don't think I'll be able to face doing it until a bit further down the line x

[S GREENER]

We used an agency for my mother who provided 24 hour carers at her home. Your Alzheimers Society local office may be able to help or point you in the right direction even though they don't officially give recommendations. It worked for us for seven months, although change over days were a real stress and often involved a 2.5 hr drive over to be on hand when it happened. This was a self-funded situation. You can also look online for things in your area, but obviously personal recommendation makes a big difference. Good luck.

Thanks for advice - looks like I'm going to have to do a bit more delving x