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Thread: newbie!

  1. #1
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    newbie!

    Hi everyone,
    My name is Dawn, I have joined the forum to get helpful advise from real people!

    My mum ,71, looks after my lovely step-dad, 75, he was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia about 5 years ago. She has managed to keep him at home with no help. just before Christmas last year his condition seemed to take a nose dive, and she agreed to a weeks respite. both had a great week but since he has been back at home, things have gone from "managing" to "nightmare". My mum if struggling to cope now, the social workers are taking forever to come to see them, we speak every night, ( they are 250 mile from me!) and more often than not she is crying and exhausted.
    Yesterday he actually tried to hit her, although this is the first time for physical aggression.
    Could anyone give me any hints on how to support her more bearning in mind the distance between us? i would be grateful for any advice,
    Dawn
     

  2. #2
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    When you talk to the social workers use phases like 'vulnerable adult' 'at risk', 'duty of care'.

    Confirm the conversation in an email or by post, email is fast,free and effectively recorded delivery.

    Start keeping a log and forward a copy of it to the social worker.

    You say he tried to hit her, what stopped him, will he hit her next time, how hard, with his fist or an object?.

    If social services are aware that he is showing a tendency to aggression they have a duty to do something about it. If they don't you can report them to the Adult Safeguarding Team at the LA and ultimately the Court of Protection.

    Remember the phrase ' squeaky wheels are the ones that get oiled'
     

  3. #3
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    Thank you,
    the problem with the social workers arrises when they say that my step-dad has "freedom of choice". At the moment he is refusing to have any help, he just says that "we are managing" and wont accept that mum is struggling. But this may be a turning point that he tried to hit her. He has only been verbally aggressive up until now.
    The incident happened yesterday when he wanted her to go to look at what he had done in the toilet, mum refused saying I dont want to see it, flush it away, then he tried to thump her, missing her face by a few inches.
    He did appologise to her about half hour later, and we think he did know what he did, but she naturally is worried that if it happens again, maybee when she is driving for example how should she handle it?
    She is going to contact the social workers again on monday, nut they took 3 weeks to contact her the last time. Mum has written down what happened but I didnt think of e mailing them, I will suggest it to her.




    Quote Originally Posted by nitram View Post
    When you talk to the social workers use phases like 'vulnerable adult' 'at risk', 'duty of care'.

    Confirm the conversation in an email or by post, email is fast,free and effectively recorded delivery.

    Start keeping a log and forward a copy of it to the social worker.

    You say he tried to hit her, what stopped him, will he hit her next time, how hard, with his fist or an object?.

    If social services are aware that he is showing a tendency to aggression they have a duty to do something about it. If they don't you can report them to the Adult Safeguarding Team at the LA and ultimately the Court of Protection.

    Remember the phrase ' squeaky wheels are the ones that get oiled'
     

  4. #4
    Unfortunately I have found that as the disease progresses so the person regresses into childlike behaviour. The looking in the toilet is what you would expect at potty training - all social training has fallen away.

    Get your Mum to keep a diary of events and ring the police if things get really out of hand.

    Lemony xx


    When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
     

  5. #5
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    Your mum also has freedom of choice - not to be hit by your dad.

    If she is becoming scared of him she may feel she is no longer capable of looking after him.

    Lay it on thick to social services, don't tell lies but paint the blackest possible picture.

    Has your mum had a carer's assessment, she is entitled to one ?
     

  6. #6
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    She said he has been fine today, but I think she is scared that it will happen again, she has asked social serv. for permanent care but dad refused!
    she has asked for help for someone to bath him but dad refused!

    I think they have had an assessment - that was what got the respite last month, but he refuses to go back to "that place - the nurses were horrible and he had to sleep on the floor!"

    They are looking into another home, but the wheels turn slowly with SS, and it could take months to get orgainised for a trial visit.

    In the meantime she feels trapped and cant get any help cos dad refuses it all.
    Quote Originally Posted by nitram View Post
    Your mum also has freedom of choice - not to be hit by your dad.

    If she is becoming scared of him she may feel she is no longer capable of looking after him.

    Lay it on thick to social services, don't tell lies but paint the blackest possible picture.

    Has your mum had a carer's assessment, she is entitled to one ?
     

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by nitram View Post
    Lay it on thick to social services, don't tell lies but paint the blackest possible picture.

    Has your mum had a carer's assessment, she is entitled to one ?
    Good advice from Nitram, Dawn. These factsheets will give you an idea of what your mum herself can expect as a carer for your dad.

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/sc...documentID=131

    http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-adv...rers-allowance

    http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-adv...ers-assessment


    Deborah
     

 

 

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