When they say 'No'

[Vivienne3]

My husband now does not understand speech very well. He can not understand chit chat so sentences are very short and to the point. I am having a nightmare at the moment trying to bath him and change clothes. He will not shower as I think the cubicle may frighten him so I have been trying lovely bubble baths however for the past few weeks it is a NO and if I do persuade him after about an hour he gets undressed throwing his clothes in the bath too. The dressing afterwards is an abusive time where he will refuse and shout and swear. I let him go to bed in the clothes he has had on in the day as it is far too stressful to try to undress him and dress him again before I rush off to work and the carers come.
Any ideas on bathing and dressing? It is just so tiring after a days work. I do just get the flannel for face and hands in the morning but obviously there are other bits that need doing!
Thanks

[Grannie G]

I have read of people developing a fear of water and wonder if this is what is happening to your husband.
By throwing his clothes into the bath it sounds as if he is losing his cognitive awareness of the purpose of a bath full of water.
Does your husband have a CPN [Community Psychiatric Nurse] who might be able to explain the changes in his behaviour? If not I would seek advice from his doctor.
Sorry not to be more helpful.

[Grommit]

If it is any help Vivienne3, Jean was and, to some extent, still is very frightened of baths.

Showers are out of the question, she regards the shower cubicle as a torture chamber.

It once took me 2 hours and 25 minutes to get Jean out of the bath, having spent 30 minutes trying to get her in.

Bath night now consists of loud, distracting music and a raising/lowering bath seat.
The latest addition to the bathroom toys is a long handled, back scrubbing /tickling stick.

[Bikemad]

Hello Vivienne, I too have a similar problem with my wife, including washing her hair which is a big issue. I have come to the conclusion that whilst the old saying "cleanliness is next to godliness" distress is far less desirable and so am going with the view that when I can persuade her that's great; otherwise who's to know whether she's had a wash or not. I'm sure the day will come when she won't even be persuaded but until then we do simply what she feels comfortable with on the day.

Good luck.

[SWMBO1950]

Hi Vivienne

My mother would prefer not to be bothered with a bath/shower and she certainly cannot get into the one in her flat now (she is 97). We use the communal one in the housing complex where she lives but I only do it every 2 weeks or so as it shatters her.
If I mention it as I did the other day and she said she was too tired I just said ok we'll do it Monday which I intend to do tomorrow (hopefully) It really is not worth the argument that could occur.

Her hair is easier as there is a visiting hairdresser and again every 2 weeks I get her downstairs so her hair is kept tidy.

This not wanting/be bothered to bathe seems to be a common trend why I don't know but I think as long as the caree is washed regularly that sometimes has to suffice .

Best Wishes