So many of you gave me comforting advice after I had posted about the death of my Dad, and the problems I had experienced with other family members. A decision needed to be made about what path I chose to take. I believed I had to stand strong in what were Dads wishes and I knew I could not go to the funeral feeling as I did.
My husband and I went to say a private goodbye to my Dad on Wednesday at the funeral home.
After a lot of heart searching I decided it was the best thing to do.
Because of the delay in the funeral, the funeral director advised me that under the circumstances,I should have him embalmed.
This was distressing in itself, but I did feel I wanted to see him properly to say my fond farewells. You will know that I had not seen my dad since before Christmas, after only leaving hospital myself the Friday before he died.
I knew it was going to be difficult and I would struggle with my emotions, so the night before I decided to pour out my heart in a letter to him.
I told him how much I loved and missed him and said I was sorry for anything that I might have done to upset him. I thanked him for a happy childhood and for working so hard with my Mum to give me a good education. I thanked him for treating all his grand children equally and for accepting my two step children as his grand children too.In fact for all the happy memories we all had.
I told him his eldest great grand daughter had recently passed her first year nursing exams at university..........he would have been so proud as education was very important to him.
When we arrived after our long journey at the funeral home everyone was so kind.
I was so afraid to see my Dad in death, but other than floods of tears I managed to cope all right. My dear husband asked me if I wanted him to read out my letter that I had written to Dad, which I did.
It made me feel better because I knew that on that day I would never be able to express all the feelings that I wanted him to know. We left the letter tucked in Dads hands and I kissed him goodbye for the final time.
On Monday, the day of the actual funeral, my children and grand children will go and pay my respects along with their own. My husband and I are going to a quiet place just to think about Dad and give thanks for his life.
Talking point has been a true God sent place for me to be at a very difficult time, and I thank you all for your caring and sensitivity when I know you are coping with so many problems of your own.
God Bless you all