Mother with memory problems refuses to visit GP

[MPF]

Newbie here... both to the forum and to the subject of Alzheimers in general....

My mother (71) has had memory problems for at least a year, they have been slightly noticeable in that time but have gotten a lot worse in the last couple of months.

I (and my father) have been trying to persuade her to go to her GP and get diagnosed but she downright refuses... she's a "rather not know" type of person.

I'm at a loss what to do, both myself and my sister live abroad and can hardly frogmarch her there. I spoke to her doctor over 6 months ago raising my concerns and although he assured me he would do something he has done nothing... he seems the bare minimum type... you get your 5 minutes face-time once a year and job done.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

[SuziQ]

Hi MPF,
Welcome to TP.
My Auntie has Altzheimers and lives with my dad, she is 84. Once we had noticed things were not as they used to be I emailed her Dr outlining various things we had noticed. She called my Auntie in on the pretence of a blood test and it went from there. Because the Dr was aware of her problems in advance she was able to ask the right questions, my Auntie is very good at fooling everyone, including herself!!!
Hope this helps, good luck

[Charlyparly]

Was just about to suggest exactly the same as Suzi. You can’t drag her to the docs kicking and screaming if she doesn’t want to go but if you have a quiet word with her GP and ask if they could find a “reason” to see her and probe a little further, you might start getting somewhere.

[Wendy C]

Hi. My mom is now 73 and has had Alzheimer's for about 6 years. It was only last year that I pursuaded her husband, 94, that we needed to do something. Mom in complete denial. I rang and spoke to her doctor, who was very difficult to pursuade as I am not next of kin. Anyway he wrote to my mom asking her to go in and have an mot. They wrote her a letter and fortunately she agreed to go. I went with her and it all started from there. Blood tests, brain scan and now on medication, you have to be one step ahead. It is so difficult and so upsetting, but as they say you have to be cruel to be kind, good luck and get in touch with her doctor.

[Jackcat]

We had same with my Mum, and when we finally got her there her Dr initially agreed with her that we were over-reacting, and she was diagnosed with anxiety not Alzheimers! I wish I had been more pushy sooner, got her to the memory clinic and on the Aricept quicker.

[FifiMo]

MPF,

You could get your dad to buy a diary and to record all the unusual things that happen with your mum, the time they happen, and how long they last. Get him to fill it in on a daily basis. This will then be powerful evidence to present to her GP or to a Consultant because it will not only give them a historical record of what is happening but it will also help them to plot indicators of deterioration over a period of time. You could perhaps write a letter to her GP after a while and include the diary information as part of that letter.

If her GP won't listen and things are getting difficult for your dad to manage then you could consider going direct to Adult Social Services and asking them for an assessment. They could for example contact the GP if they consider there is a medical issue involved that needs attention.

Fiona

[256ady]

I had exactly the same problem with my mum who was 66 at the time. I also approached her /my GP with my concerns and he just said , get her down here and we can do a test and progress from there.
I tried and was constantly repelled for a few months, but in the end just booked the appointment and took her down, not telling her why, other than the doctor needed to see her. he was very good with dealing with this and did a quick test (30 simple and straightforward questions which someone without any problems would get 30/30 no problem) which started the process of moving onto a consultant for the correct diagnosis.
After the first appointment you get into the swing of it and learn how to not cause confrontation. you dont have to lie if you dont feel comfortable with that, you just be conservative with the truth!
hope this helps

[MPF]

Thanks everyone for the advice....

I've tried the pleading with my mother... didn't work
I've tried the threats... didn't work.
I've tried the guilt (think of your husband/kids/grandkids)... didn't work.
I've tried to convince her doctor to organise something surreptitiously - he said he would then ignored me... in fact it sounds like her GP has form, I've since found out another of my relatives has had problems with him and has switched, I've learned that my mother, at the age of 71, has only seen him once in 18 months, he seems to be a repeat-prescription-machine which is why my mother likes him.

These tests that are carried out, is it necessary that they are via a GP ? If a subsequent referral is required, is this also only via a GP ?

For us, the GP is definitely a major part of the problem.

[SWMBO1950]

Hi MPF and welcome.

My only input to all the good suggestions you have already recieved is the sooner your mum is diagnosed the sooner (hopefully) she can receive some medication to help slow the decline (Aricept being one - which my mother is on). The Royal College of Psyciatrists has recently released a report on the benefits of such drugs for dementia sufferers (even in the later stages like my mum).

Sorry the GP is such a pain in the rear - life if hard enough being carers without that added problem

Best Wishes and good luck

Newbie here... both to the forum and to the subject of Alzheimers in general....

My mother (71) has had memory problems for at least a year, they have been slightly noticeable in that time but have gotten a lot worse in the last couple of months.

I (and my father) have been trying to persuade her to go to her GP and get diagnosed but she downright refuses... she's a "rather not know" type of person.

I'm at a loss what to do, both myself and my sister live abroad and can hardly frogmarch her there. I spoke to her doctor over 6 months ago raising my concerns and although he assured me he would do something he has done nothing... he seems the bare minimum type... you get your 5 minutes face-time once a year and job done.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

[Nix]

As your Mum's GP is not fulfilling his duty is it possible to get an appointment with another GP in his practice? My Dad had his primary assessment with another GP in the same practice because his GP (who's lovely) wasn't available. I made the appointment and told them I would be bringing my Dad in under false pretences but I was concerned about his memory and they flagged this on his notes. Don't know whether this would work for you.