After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now.

[Lozzy211]

Im sorry it's hard I know I used to look after my mum and every day was different it was like a an explosion for me I never Knew what to expect some days ver lucid ans aware others she was not with us so very sad heart breaking really for families....and now I have early stage altzimers....I'm 56yrs old and don't know what the future holds for me and mine my heart goes out to you and your family....all. I can say where there is love and life there is hope take care my friend god bless u all hugs lozzy

[Annella]

Hello Brian,

I am afraid I have no solution to your problem but wanted to thank you for raising this issue since the discussions have been helpful to me. Probably for about six weeks now my husband (62) has treated me as if we are courting and asks all about how I spend my time, my parents, my education, my interests. He is really sweet and lovely but as it keeps happening it is beginning to wear me down.

He once thought I was his first wife come back to him and started giving me a tour of the house. He is quite funny when he gets a sheepish look on his face and very politely ask if he can sleep with me tonight. He has asked me if I my our sons, and when we were on holiday asked if I visited this place often. He often talks about me in the third person, telling me all the things that his wife likes and dislikes. Today's was a humdinger. He insisted that he drive the car because he said I wasn't registered with insurance and so it wasn't safe for me to be driving. So far he hasn't been aggresive he just gets really confused as to who I am. He later apologised about the driving comment. Must be so hard if your reality is constantly changing.

[neville]

After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now. If I say I am her husband she gets anoyed and says "don't start that again". She also thinks there are several men living in our house now and if I, for example, go downstairs, my wife when she comes down also will mention "that person I was talking to upstairs" ....
Even though my wife doesn't think I am her husband, we still share the same bed and she seems to still like my company. My fear is that this will change. Anyone else experiencing similar situations?

Hi Brian, Reading your personnal report and the response to-date, it is re-assuring that many hearts are offering their support and advise. My wife has had dementia for about 18 months, and after 55 years of marriage it has got to the stage, where as with you . she has illusions of other persons in the house, often failing to recognise me as her husband, askings me " where I am sleeping tonight", "where is your wife", etc., whilst continuing to maintain a casual lifestyle. Bedtime is solely for sleeping. Take heart.

[rachael79]

Hi BrianS,
Your situation is certainly all too familiar. My mum and dad have been married for a similar length of time and she is only in her late 50's after having been suffering with dementia since she was 51. She doesn't realise that she is married to my dad and when we try and explain this to her, her response has sometimes been 'I wouldn't marry that'.
She often glares at him when he is talking as if he is speaking bad about her. She doesn't associate the face of the man she married with how he looks now. It is so very hard to see, and my sister and I have occasionally got cross with her and then felt guilty about it afterwards as it is not her fault she is so confused. It is hard to watch this decline and I struggle to come to terms with what has happened when she should be enjoying life.
None of us are alone and it is comforting to know there is so much support on this forum.

[Padraig]

Like many on here I've never known when my wife's Alzheimer's began. On reflection I'd say she was around 60 or even younger. The thing is that it creeps up on us and there must be many like me who knew nothing about the illness.

In my case I consider that I was very lucky as it became a self learning lesson like most aspects of life. Before marring my wife few would believe how little I knew about everyday life. She became my salvation and inspiration and I never tired of her saying: "Your strange." Not surprising I'm strange, having spent the whole of my childhood as a young criminal, from the age of two to sixteen incarcerated in all boys Institutions.

Without the guidance of parents or an adult makes one self reliant. This I found to be no bad thing, in fact it's proved a great advantage and so I see life's challenges from a very different perspective. Most of my self education has come from observation.

When my wife failed or ceased to recognise faces there was a logical answer. Like a box of tissues the memory works: first one in is the last one out. When a husband/ wife sees a spouse, depending on the 'number of tissues vanished from the box' they are seeking 'the young person' they married all those years ago, not some older person.
Though the loved one's eyesight may not presently be as good as where the mind is. They may still recognise parents or other relative in the features of a daughter/son or grandchild and see their parent.

Sorry to have taken so much of your time, but having traveled the whole journey on our own and refused help, I was privileged to experience and learn about almost ever topic discussed on TP. It would take a book to cover all the challenges I encountered along the way. Would I do it again? In the blink of an eye. I wish you well on your journey.