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  1. #1
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    Post After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now.

    After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now. If I say I am her husband she gets anoyed and says "don't start that again". She also thinks there are several men living in our house now and if I, for example, go downstairs, my wife when she comes down also will mention "that person I was talking to upstairs" ....
    Even though my wife doesn't think I am her husband, we still share the same bed and she seems to still like my company. My fear is that this will change. Anyone else experiencing similar situations?

  2. #2
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    Hi Brian, Welcome.
    I'm sorry, I have no experience of what you are going through, but didn't want your post to go unnoticed.
    I'm sure there are Tpers who share your problems & hope some will be along soon.

    Take care

    Lin x

  3. #3
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    When my husband had a crisis last Autumn he did not recognise me when he awaoke a night and was quite aggressive. He said I was an evil ghost. He did recognise me during the day but was also having scarey hallucinations about dangerous dust and having eaten dirt. He did not want to go out and I could not watch TV or radio as he thought everything related to him personally and was terrified. We could only listen to music on the radio and I had to turn the sound down during the news.This was really horrid and I can imagine how you must feel especially after such a long marriage.
    My husband was reviewed at the hospital and his medication was changed and the problem is resolved for the present. He goes out and enjoys it, recognises me, has no hallucinations or bad dreams any more. However, looking at the NICE website with regard to the new medication memantine there is some stuff regarding QUALYS which seems to suggest the benefit may only be for 12 weeks. He has been on the new meds from December so if that is correct I am expecting the S**t to hit the fan any day now. So far there is no evidence of this so I am hoping this twelve weeks stuff is perhaps just an average and the benefits will last longer for us.
    Even if things do regress for us I would still say three months of respite from this have been wonderful.
    This is such a difficult illness to cope with
    Tre

  4. #4
    Hello Brian, I cared for my FIL, so my experiences are of course different to yours. I can say, though, that he did often greet me several times each day, often in different rooms, he too seemed to think I was a different person when he walked from one room to another. He often thought I was his wife, and he liked to sit with me. We drank so many cups of tea

    Its great that your wife likes your company, and I do hope that doesn't change for you. All I can say to you is that my FIL always recognised us as friendly faces, and liked to be with us.

    Very best wishes to you both. x

  5. #5
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    Brian, hello and a warm welcome to Talking Point
    My husband doesn't know me either, he keeps talking to me but it is obvious that it isn't me that he is talking to, he is happy and content but thinks that there are a few of me around at different times, I just keep on keeping on and answer as 'me' when he asks where I am to the other 'me'.

    But goodness it is hard and heartbreaking when we aren't there but are, my heart goes out to you after all those wonderful years together and now you have this.
    I look forward to seeing you around the site and hearing how things are going,
    with best wishes from Jo
    There isn't enough darkness in the whole universe to put out the light of one candle (quote Hubby, 25 September 2010)

  6. #6
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    So sorry you are having to deal with this side of the %^&*(()&^R$ disease - so painful

    have read that sometimes you dont look like the person they have in their mind (20years younger or so) she may not recognise you as her husband - how could she be married to this "old man" when she is only 25 - so difficult to live with - my mum considers me as her sister sometimes (she never had one) as I am too old (a bit past 50) to be her daughter who is only 23 (ooh I wish)

    When I am visiting mum and I need mum to "see me" as her daughter (for my benefit) I talk to her when I am out of sight - she has no problem with me when we speak on the phone - I have never been her sister on the phone.....

    really strange, difficult to understand and hurtful how this disease presents its self isnt it?

    thinking of you
    xx
    To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone - Reba McEntire
    If only it was that easy - 2jays

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    thank you

    Hi Lin,
    Appreciate your message, that was kind of you to reply. I have had some other replies already. This forum is new to me but already, it looks like it can be helpful and supportive.
    You take care also,
    Brian x


    Quote Originally Posted by ellejay View Post
    Hi Brian, Welcome.
    I'm sorry, I have no experience of what you are going through, but didn't want your post to go unnoticed.
    I'm sure there are Tpers who share your problems & hope some will be along soon.

    Take care

    Lin x

  8. #8
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    Hi Brian, just a short note of welcome and to ask you a question. My wife is 50 and suffers from AD. She still recognises me (but i'am not sure she understands the husband concept anymore) and we have a relatively normal life, however she has all her female relatives jumbled. Her older sister is her daughter, her niece is her sisters "other sister" and our daughter is her sister, her mother in law is just a person with a name. However this only becomes apparent when she is trying to communicate or is asked a direct question, it never manifests itself with the people themselves. When she actually see's them she acts and behaves in a way apropriate to the actual relationship, and there never appears to be a problem. My question to you is really whether its possible your wife is confused by the words and vocabulary relating to "husband" and is questioning your statement as opposed to actually being in disagreement with your relationship with her for which she no longer has a word in her vocabulary to describe. It certainly appears that your relationship is sound and appears secure so perhaps its better not to worry about what might be and enjoy what actually is. Hope you understand what i'am driving at and welcome to the relatively small but "elite" group of male carers of EOD sufferers on TP, lol. Big Geordie

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrianS View Post
    After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now. If I say I am her husband she gets anoyed and says "don't start that again". She also thinks there are several men living in our house now and if I, for example, go downstairs, my wife when she comes down also will mention "that person I was talking to upstairs" ....
    Even though my wife doesn't think I am her husband, we still share the same bed and she seems to still like my company. My fear is that this will change. Anyone else experiencing similar situations?
    Hello Brian,

    I had this experience with my husband. He forgot very soon after diagnosis that we were married. At first I tried to remind him, I'd tell him how we met, I was sixteen, he was 20. Show him our wedding photo's, tell him I was a child bride (18). Talk about our first house, our first child, name her, our 2nd home, our 2nd child, name her. Our son (the icing on the cake for him) name him.

    It made no difference, his usual response was "give over," he once said to daughter 2, "What about you, do you believe this nonsense." It still upsets me when I recall her saying "It's true Dad" and the look of rejection on her face will haunt me forever.

    Like you and your wife, we still shared the same bed, had good times. In fact, one day he asked me to marry him!!

    Unfortunately Brian, with this disease everything changes. However, please don't waste too much time worrying about changes, just try to make the most of this time. It's great that she enjoys your company.

    love and understanding Bastan. x

  10. #10
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    Hi Brian,
    My dad has the same issue with my mum, she's 58 and she call's my dad different name's, the latest one is "Mr Pope", the thing is one of my Dad's best friends is "Mr Pope", they still share a bed and sometimes she calls him by his name. She has no idea who I am and she looks at me as if I'm crazy when I call her mum but I cant call her by her name that would seem so disrespectfull, my Dad told me that when he went to wake her the other day she told him to be quiet because the man next to her was still sleeping (obviously there was no one there). My mum is also nasty to my dad on a daily basis but if he is out of her sight for any length of time she looks for him and says his name so I think like you said she still likes his company. It must be difficult for you watching your wife this way, I hope you find TP a help, I have and my Dad has although indeirectly because he doesnt feel confident enough to post himself but he reads the posts. Good Luck wjoanne918

  11. #11
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    Hi Brian,
    Sorry to hear you are going through an unpleasant stage. It is so hurtful when loved one's with alzheimers and dementia start to not recognise us.
    The specific area of your post which I wanted to reply to is that of the 'other people' in the house. These hallucinations are as a direct result of the dementia condition and are common. However, the person suffering from the disease may either see 'the people' as friends or risks. Be watchful of how they appear to affect your wife. If the hallucinations become a problem, advise your memory clinic nurse, psychiatrist or social worker. There are drugs which can help and which will hopefully eventually make the hallucinations stop.
    I hope this advice may be useful. It is based on my experience.
    best wishes,
    Ephraim

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrianS View Post
    After 36 years of marriage, my wife (57) thinks I am someone else now. If I say I am her husband she gets anoyed and says "don't start that again". She also thinks there are several men living in our house now and if I, for example, go downstairs, my wife when she comes down also will mention "that person I was talking to upstairs" ....
    Even though my wife doesn't think I am her husband, we still share the same bed and she seems to still like my company. My fear is that this will change. Anyone else experiencing similar situations?
    my mum often thinks my dad is hers, she often thinks im there for her money, not knowing im her daughter.it is heartbreaking and i really feel for you xx

  13. #13
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    Hi Bastan,
    It does sound like you experienced similar things...... yes it is heartbreaking when we have spent so much time together. My wife is almost convinced sometimes (by our daughter) who I am but at least I can still make her laugh and she likes my company (as long as I don't get "grumpy" .... her words!)
    Am I right in thinking your husband is in care now? At what stage did that happen?
    Thank you for responding to my original post.
    Brian x

    Quote Originally Posted by Bastan View Post
    Hello Brian,

    I had this experience with my husband. He forgot very soon after diagnosis that we were married. At first I tried to remind him, I'd tell him how we met, I was sixteen, he was 20. Show him our wedding photo's, tell him I was a child bride (18). Talk about our first house, our first child, name her, our 2nd home, our 2nd child, name her. Our son (the icing on the cake for him) name him.

    It made no difference, his usual response was "give over," he once said to daughter 2, "What about you, do you believe this nonsense." It still upsets me when I recall her saying "It's true Dad" and the look of rejection on her face will haunt me forever.

    Like you and your wife, we still shared the same bed, had good times. In fact, one day he asked me to marry him!!

    Unfortunately Brian, with this disease everything changes. However, please don't waste too much time worrying about changes, just try to make the most of this time. It's great that she enjoys your company.

    love and understanding Bastan. x

  14. #14
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    My dad always asks where his wife is even though shes sitting right next to him. He acknowledges that shes there but somehow doesnt think shes his wife. Mum had a stroke and is in a wheelchair and i wondered if that confuses him because "his wife" could walk. Sometimes he reaches over and touches her legs and you can see on his face hes puzzled by it.

  15. #15
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    After 36 years of marriange. . .

    Brian, does your wife exhibit any other dilusions or hallucinations and/or trouble walking with rigidity? Many people are misdiagnosed with Alzheimer's when they may actually have Lewy Body Dementia (LBD)which consists of dementia, Parkinson's and hallucinations. Please know that I am not suggesting this but just asking. Some people with LBD also experience Capgras Syndrome. Someone with this syndrome may think that their spouses are imposters or "duplicates" of the "real" spouse. It can also apply to two apartments that look the same or two pets when there is actually only one.

 

 

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