Tonight BBC2 9.00pm documentary " granny's moving in" about 83 yr old with dementia

[Onlyme]

It may just be my take having looked after someone with dementia and now AD but I found that it seemed so early on as not to be much of a problem. We all know what is coming and there can't be one of us that didn't think just you wait dear when the daughter said that they could get on with their lives. The daughter kept on trying to explain - surely she must have worked out by now that doesn't work.

I felt it still had a glow of rose tinted spectacles about it. The general public will think that this programme shows the maximum of how bad it will get rather than realising this is just the beginning. I can see Mum going dancing any time of the day or night, over boiling the kettle, tipping hot water everywhere, leaving the shed unlocked. She was having trouble with the lock already let alone after a downturn. They are going to have to get a GPS on her handbag and keys asap as they will need it.

[reno]

Very mixed feelings here. Can't help but feel that it was dangerously misleading. If that's Alzheimers, then as far as that programme goes it looks quite jolly - as if it turns the sufferer into a mischeivous child, no worse. I could have slapped the daughter with her constant challenging of her mum and her attempts, with a pained expression, to attempt to explain explain explain everything (again) as if to a child. And yes, the self-satisfied wish to give her independence (ie lock her in the garage! OK - she had her own key). I'd like to hear from someone on this forum for whom this was a recognisable depiction of having a relative with dementia live at home with them

[elaine n]

I think it made me feel angry really at how they treated her, albeit with the best intentions - I hate feeling judgemental, it's not fair when people are doing the best they can but it was painful to watch someone with dementia being challenged so much

[reno]

What would be interesting - and what they really SHOULD do - is to make a follow-up programme a year on. Now that would be good TV ...

[dovey]

What a sweet lady .
my OH and i have just watched it (though OH missed last bit as he had to sort his dad out ,no bowel control ) and we laughed with Peggy .She is such a spirited lady .
You could see her SIL wasnt 100% happy with her being there .And the daughter has def not logged on to TP !! the first thing i learned on here was to have patience and not be argumentetive

[chucky]

I must admit i didnt think it was a true reflection on what dealing with dementia/alzheimers entails. If my dad had been as easy as Peggy seemed to be i would have been delighted. At most a few swear words and a bit of wandering. Wait till the violence, aggression, mood swings, incontinence, false accusations, repetative behaviour, refusal to wash, night time wandering, sundowning all kick in. I thought it portrayed the common thoughts of anyone who's never experienced dementia, a jolly old lady who smiled and happily chatted to all and sundry, going to the big city on her own and visiting monuments and museums. If only.

[outofmydepth]

I found it hard to watch ,similarities were there and differances too ....................and all the time my thoughts were 'that was me' or ' that's mum' or ' we didn't seem to have that step'


It was surreal,probably because my situation is relatively new and as for the daughter being 'tough ' on peggy ,in some measure that was us before we realised mum was ill ,my mum could be quite a handful way before any signs showed .

[SWMBO1950]

I watched it and marvelled at mums presence of mind and her galavanting. I must say I found it worrying that she was going here there and everywhere on her own. Bit difficult to stop though. Mother and daughter really alike hence the clashes.

The 'annex' may not have been ideal but I think it was done with the best possible intentions albeit a little near sighted for the future.

I doubt whether the daughter or SIL have ever read up on dementia as they appeared to have no idea.

I have 'ratty times' with my mother (never said I was a saint) but it is not constant like with the daughter. She chellenged Mum so Mum challenged back - leads to very unhappy bedfellows.

My main observation was I felt it was sanitised (Onlyme & Chucky I agree with you) and failed to show how truely devastating dementia is however it presents itself -Vascular, AD, LB etc.

[SWMBO1950]

...........is Points of View still on? If so we all should write and let them know what dementia is REALLY like!

[Nan2seven]

Ah, not just me, then. I thought it showed a very narrow view indeed of dealing with someone with dementia. And I too agree with Lemony and Chucky.

I found myself talking back at Peggy's daughter, she was so confrontational - and could have stuck my fingers in my ears, too, to spare myself the sound of her voice.

Yes, SWMBO, I think Points of View is still running - shall we all send a deluge of post to let the BBC know that we thought it fell short? And that we'd like a follow-up in a year's time? I wonder if Peggy will still be in her annexe in a year's time ....

Nan XXX

[Onlyme]

I want the programme followed up in a year or 18 months as by then it will be warts and all. You can see the Peggy is never going to give in, won't take personal care, will fight blue murder rather than have anyone look after her and her daughter if going to have to cope. That programme will be worth watching as it will educate.

Meanwhile the SIL will be sitting in his chair telling his wife he told her so. He will probably buy himself a mid-life crisis motorbike.

This family is going to have a real battle on their hands and they don't even realise it has only just begun.

[florence43]

Well, just finished watching and am surprised to say that it made me smile more than anything. For me there was a strong personal reminder of the way mum used to laugh. She went through a stage, which probably only lasted about 6 months or so. In fact I vaguely remember posting something on it...but mum would laugh at anything. I particularly remember when she laughed hysterically at a photo of my husband holding our first son at his Christening! It was so bizarre! She could NOT stop laughing and I didn't know how to take it. I was unnerved, in many ways, as it wasn't a laugh I really recognised, but since it went on for some time, I found it infectious at the same time.

Despite the daughter's "mistakes" with challenging her mum so much, and I really felt uncomfortable watching that, it was heart-warming to see her finding her own mum's laughter infectious and it took me back to a nicer place in my dementia journey.

I suppose my summarised account of the programme was that it was clear that they had always had a difficult relationship. The daughter even had to question whether she had ever been loved by her own mother. I have never had to wonder that, and I admire her for showing loyalty and love to her mum in the most difficult of illnesses. If they have spent a lifetime locking horns, it must be very hard to change a "habit", and the most poignant bit for me was when the son-in-law said that his wife refused to let her "old mum" go. I think that said it all.

THAT I can relate to.

When the carers used to talk to mum like a child, all sweet and sickly, I would feel anger burning up inside. Looking back, I know that was because I couldn't admit to what was happening to her. I would speak as I always had. Fortunately, it was with love and patience, but I had always had a lovely relationship with my mum. The woman in this programme hadn't, so she was just keeping things as they'd always been. Sad thing is, that it is the worst thing, for all concerned, when dealing with dementia. I hope the daughter and her husband get time to gather knowledge for what lies ahead.

If I'm honest, when mum was at a similar stage, with the inappropriate spontaneous laughing, poor hygiene, random outburst in song...I felt disturbed and scared, and completely in denial. This was all before I'd discovered TP. I think this forum changed me.

So tonight I think we were watching two feisty woman who'd shared a lifetime of challenging each other, only one of them now has a brain disease which puts her at a very sad disadvantage. I can only hope the family learn more about her illness and deal with it accordingly. However, I do think they were doing their best.

I am left feeling ok, which I am glad about, having slightly feared watching it, and having waited for my husband to go to bed. I can even say I have a glowing memory of our short-lived laughter together! Me and mum, a few random photos and tears of laughter rolling down our faces... That's what I've taken from this programme, and I suppose I've chosen to do that because it's over for me, and I don't want to feel angry at dementia anymore.

[Tender Face]

Have to post because I am left so bewildered and disturbed having just caught up with this programme on iplayer.

Have just read others’ comments here and take those on board .... but the two over-riding images of the programme for me are of Peggy being cooped up in a spare room full of clutter (she may have been Ok with that of course) for some considerable time and finally ... well ... finding her ‘living quarters’ are nothing more than a glorified garden shed?????

Is this really the alternative to residential care or other means of maintaining her independence and living alone for some time yet?

Like others, I was intrigued and frightened to watch having lost mum (although it’s some time ago now for me) but compelled to because we as a family faced almost the same dilemma some six or more years ago – i.e. prospect of selling two houses in order to purchase one to accommodate mum’s needs especially. Several factors for not going ahead – lack of a definitive prognosis obviously one of them – but also the financial considerations of the proceeds of the sale of mum’s house needing to be used to fund the move/next property and had she needed residential or other care we could no longer provide at some future point – we would have ‘deprived her of assets’ having needed proceeds from her sale to assist with the new purchase. Perhaps any proceeds from the sale of Peggy’s property were deposited for her future needs? Or was she in rented accommodation? Unless I missed it, no mention was made of the financial “risk” or legal implications involved in this type of solution?

I noticed Clive Ballard was first mentioned in the credits and will be interested to see press and AS reaction to the programme.

Ho hum – must try get the image of a lovely feisty little lady living out her life in a garden shed out of my mind or I will never sleep ...... prefer to think of that wonderful twinkle in her eye and her ability to dance and enjoy herself ..... God bless her .......

Karen, x

(PS: Any other carer here expecting their mother/partner/loved one home at 2.30pm could imagine themselves sitting on the sofa well after dark and not have started sending out the search parties? No. I didn’t think so. Goodness. Really disturbing on many levels).

[scarletpauline]

Don't think I will watch it, it was interesting reading your comments though.

[danny]

I think the program was very thought provoking. For me it was good to show that just because you have dementia life doesn`t have to stop. Seeing Peggy chatting to the tourists and her line dancing at the end was amazing.

I also think it highlighted other issues. Carers do need more support and information on how to communicate better!!!

Of course Peggy is going to get worse in time , but her time is now and she is happy.

If Peggy was locked in a care facility she would be pacing up and down, trying to get out and would probably end up being sedated.

Any publicity is good publicity and anything that reduces the stigma of dementia can only be good.

With the growing number of people being diagnosed there may be lots more Peggys living in garden sheds!!! I would prefer the shed to be called a garden room or log home.