Need to chat

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all
I have been away since wednesday. Went to stay with a friend who has had a cataract operation to keep her company. We had agreat time, putting the world to rights etc! Did not go to bed until 3 a.m each night and getting up late! Although i do not mind my own company it was good to have someone t o talk to and not be alone.
When i came home earlier this afternoon of course it is back to normal. I know i will never forget Bryan but it is good to have something else to concentrate on. I do so miss having him here just to talk to. Even when he was really bad at least he was still here and kept me busy. Now i have time to feel sorry for myself!!
It is Maxines birthday tomorrow and i am going over there for a meal which will be great, but she is bound to feel it as well as me as it is the first one since her dad has not been here.
I am sure it is getting harder for me to cope as time goes on. I suppose it will now leading up to the first anniversay. That will not be long in coming round. I am going up to say hello to him tomorrow and feed the birds. Do hope it does not rain. I will probably still go and i have missed not going since tuesday.
Love and hugs Muriel xxx

[Haylett]

Hi Muriel! You sound very well balanced to me - and I completely agree. It's great to meet up with old friends and just escape for a while. There is only so much conversation you can have about incontinence pants! I hope you enjoy your visit both to Bryan and to Maxine - and the birds no doubt will be very glad to be fed!

[Loopiloo]

Dear Muriel

Your visit to your friend sounded lovely! I remember such occasions in the past, sitting up until the wee small hours having a really good blether! It would do both of you good.

Although i do not mind my own company it was good to have someone t o talk to and not be alone.

I do so miss having him here just to talk to. Even when he was really bad at least he was still here and kept me busy. Now i have time to feel sorry for myself!!

My husband is still alive, but in a care home now for 9 months following 6 months in hospitals. I hope you don't mind me saying that I can relate to what you say about missing Bryan so much as I miss my husband more that words can say. Despite the difficult times with dementia, as you say about Bryan, he was still here, his presence. Conversation and companionship obiously changed, but we still were together. I was also content in my own company, but this is different.

The anniversaries are difficult. However, despite the sadness and missing Bryan being there, I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow with your daughter on her birthday. Also a peaceful visit to Bryan, with no rain.

Thinking of you
Love
Loo xxx

[JoshuaTree]

To be honest, It sometimes does get harder the longer time passes.
Give yourself time and even if it takes years to get used to the pain of loss that's ok.
Everyone is different.
Personally, Although the first year was hard with all the 'firsts' to cope with, I found it more difficult later. I hope I haven't said the wrong thing saying this but like I say everyone is different.
The pain does lessen. It does get easier to cope with, but it takes time and there are no rules, no guidelines, no expectations.
It's a scar that will burn on and off forever because although you will be ok there will always be moments where in a quiet time you remember the good times and you laugh and you miss them

[rajahh]

I agree with Joshuatree it can get worse after the first year. I think it is the finality , the total realisation that they have gone for ever. You will never see them again on this earth.

There are many triggers, favourite food, music, programmes, people who look like your loved one.

They all come round and knock you off your feet time and time again, but in time you lern to manage the grief instead of the grief managing you.

Love Jeannette

[tre]

I think somehow at the beginning when you first lose someone you are more aware of things that may trigger difficult memories and can sort of prepare yourself. As time passes some unexpected trivial thing can make a deep connection with the person you have lost and because it is unexpected you can find you have not had time to get the defences up and the hole that your missing loved one has left in your life opens up anew.
Tre