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  1. #1
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    What to do with my parents ashes

    I am undecided as to the best place to either scatter my parents ashes or to have them buried in a local cemetery. My parents both wanted to be cremated because they didn't believe in the waste of land for burial. However I would like a place that I could go to on birthdays etc to lay down flowers and feel close to them and so burying their ashes is an option I am drawn to even though this is not quite what they wanted. Someone said that my parents would have wanted me to do something that I was happy with and would give me comfort and burying their ashes would do this. There is no joint place that I can scatter their ashes where I could practically return to eg their garden as the house is being sold and I couldn't go back there when other people own the house. Any thoughts great appreciated.

  2. #2
    Hello Frankie,
    Take your time and think about it but if I were you, I would have their ashes buried.

    However I would like a place that I could go to on birthdays etc to lay down flowers and feel close to them and so burying their ashes is an option I am drawn to even though this is not quite what they wanted. Someone said that my parents would have wanted me to do something that I was happy with and would give me comfort and burying their ashes would do this.
    I think you've said it all there. I agree that your parents would want you to be happy with whatever decision you make. It's important that the survivors do have somewhere to go if they want to. Your parents want you to be happy.
    Joanne
    Carer and Volunteer Moderator
    When you've seen one person with Alzheimer's, you've seen one person with Alzheimer's

  3. #3
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    Frankie, I lost Mum this time last year but the decision about her ashes was a family not a personal one. We scattered them in a favourite place but 300 miles away and I do struggle on anniversaries, birthdays etc. In the end I have a spot on the hills (meaningless other than it's peace and tranquility where I take myself). Lost my brother 8 yrs ago and his ashes were buried and I know my sister in law takes comfort in going to 'talk' to him there.
    As Joanne said do take your time, there's no rush.
    Sending you strength and love Katherine

  4. #4
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    Hi Frankie,
    Don't know if this will help you at all. My husband's parents were cremated and their ashes were scattered in a crematorium. We live too far away now to visit the rose tree where the ashes were scattered and so hubby decided to put up two small memorial plaques in our garden. He can now visit them every day and this brings him (and also myself) much comfort.
    "The best of life is further on, hidden from our eye beyond the hills of time" - Sir William Mulock.

  5. #5
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    I have recently lost my Mum and have asked for her ashes to be scattered in the Garden of Remembrance for two reasons. Firstly, I am 99.9% sure that that's was done for Dad many years ago, and secondly after the emotional upheaval of the funeral I couldn't face another ceremony.

    However, I have just received a pack from the crematorium and think that I will have a plaque to go and visit later on. Dad's anniversary is recorded in the Book of Remembrance and I shall do the same for Mum.

    Mary
    Mary

    Daughter and former carer
    Now doing voluntary work at local Carers centre

  6. #6
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    We thought we were prepared for what my dad wanted - funeral service at a specific church followed by cremation. It was only after he died we realised we hadn't thought about his ashes.

    In the end we opted for burial in the rose garden of remembrance of the church he had attended as a child. We bought a rose for the garden of remembrance, and my sister and I each bought a rose for our own gardens. I know he's not there, but that rose in my garden (dad's rose ) gives me a visual connection to him.

    Whatever decision you make that makes you happy will be fine with your parents.
    Sue

    Former carer and Volunteer Moderator

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  7. #7
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    Nov 2011
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    Yorkshire England
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    Hi Frankie, We lost Mum recently, went to collect her ashes from the Funeral Directors only last week.

    Myself, Dad and sister decided we would share them.

    Dad wants to keep his share, and he recently told me that when he passes he wants his ashes with Mums, and told me where he would want them scattering together.

    I wanted to scatter my share of Mums ashes at her favourite seaside village where we spent many happy family holidays together, but I also wanted some to keep, so I found a lovely silver Jewel box which sits on my window sil, with her photo and a vase of her favourite flowers, the rest will be scattered when the warmer weather comes, Mum loved spring time.

    Strangely enough I wasn't planning on keeping any of Mum's ashes, I found it kind of eerie, but not any more, I speak to her everyday now, and tell her how much and miss her and find it a great comfort to myself.

    Take care xx

  8. #8
    We burried mums ashes in the same place as my dad in the crem we have just had dads plaque changed and it now reads mum and dad I go there when ever I feel down mum used to visit with me when it was just dad and she always said that's where she wanted to be mum loved watching the children playing on the beach and our council are now letting people buy benches in memory of loved ones and they are being put on the seafront we have ordered one for mum and dad and it will be put in mums favourite spot it will be their special place I also have a special Rose tree in the garden larivy
    Life has taught me that respect,caring and love must be shared for its only through sharing that friendships are born

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by larivy View Post
    We burried mums ashes in the same place as my dad in the crem we have just had dads plaque changed and it now reads mum and dad I go there when ever I feel down mum used to visit with me when it was just dad and she always said that's where she wanted to be mum loved watching the children playing on the beach and our council are now letting people buy benches in memory of loved ones and they are being put on the seafront we have ordered one for mum and dad and it will be put in mums favourite spot it will be their special place I also have a special Rose tree in the garden larivy
    Thank you all for taking the time to reply - I think I will go with the burial option in the local cemetery which is very beautiful. Then I will have a place to go to. I find the crematorium too depressing a place to visit if I put them there it will be hard to go back.

 

 

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