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Thread: Why is it?

  1. #1
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    Why is it?

    Why is it that after a very busy productive day clearing junk out of the garage - it's finished at last and with so much to look forward to - my lovely grand daughter's wedding dress to make and some wonderful friends coming to stay over Easter week, lunch out with my daughter for mothers day that while I was sitting quietly in the sun with the french doors open listening to a beautiful blackbird singing in the garden I'm suddenly overwhelmed by grief? All I could think was that Gary will never hear this or enjoy it again when the reality is that even if he'd still been here he wouldn't have been able to enjoy it. He'd not been able to understand or enjoy anything for a long time. It's so silly thinking of him in terms of someone pre- dementia now, that was so long ago

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    Quote Originally Posted by elaine n View Post
    Why is it
    because lifes a bi*ch and then it has puppies....

    No its not silly thinking the way you are, its normal, upsetting, but normal

    ((HUGS))

    xx
    To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone - Reba McEntire
    If only it was that easy - 2jays

    What you don't need are bruised bones

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    >>>>>or s**t happens!

    Best wishes


    Quote Originally Posted by 2jays View Post
    because lifes a bi*ch and then it has puppies....

    No its not silly thinking the way you are, its normal, upsetting, but normal

    ((HUGS))

    xx

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    Thank you x

    I've gathered myself now, the dogs rallied round to comfort me, as they always do, bless them but however often this happens, I'm never quite prepared for it. I suppose I tend to think I'm stronger than this - stronger than what I don't know,I guess I try and stave a lot off but it always gets you in the end. I come from a family who don't do open emotions and I know that's not good for the soul but old habits die hard. Thank God for TP. NO one, no one else knows how I feel, I can only tell you all who understand and don't judge me on my lack of input onto the forum and mainly come here for support, I read many posts but can't answer most of what I read, even though I want to. I'm afraid of frightening new members with my story and experiences because ours probably wasn't typical of most dementia journeys and most of what I could say would be negative and scarey

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by elaine n View Post
    Thank God for TP. NO one, no one else knows how I feel, I can only tell you all who understand and don't judge me on my lack of input onto the forum and mainly come here for support, I read many posts but can't answer most of what I read, even though I want to. I'm afraid of frightening new members with my story and experiences because ours probably wasn't typical of most dementia journeys and most of what I could say would be negative and scarey
    Oh! Elaine I could have written those words sending you a big hug.
    Linda x

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    Thank you Linda x

    I'm sorry, I didn't even wish you happy birthday!
    Life's passing me by at the moment I'm afraid but that's a poor excuse I feel xxx

  7. #7
    Dear Elaine,

    I know what you mean about not sharing the reality of the end of life stuff. Alan's was so bad that I don't think it would be helpful to anyone at all. I do believe that his last day(s) were not usual and just the incompetence of the nurses at the time.

    I suppose how we feel very much depends on personal belief systems. I believe that your Gary will be experiencing the birds singing much better than you do. "Now we see through a mirror dimly but then we shall see face to face" I believe that he is alright and in a far better state than any of us. I do appreciate though that it is personal belief that affects each one of us that remain living. I do think that you are very spiritual and that things will become clearer through the passage of time. When Alan died I had lots of opportunities for nice things with nice people but it didn't eradicate my grief. I found it a temporary reprieve. I was grateful for the reprieves.

    Love and a (HUG)
    Helen
    Wife and Carer

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    I often think of you Elaine. Take care. x
    Izzy
    Carer and Volunteer Moderator

    ABOUT ME.

    'The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.'
    Robert Louis Stevenson

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    Thank you Izzy, I think of you and your Bill too x

    Helen, you know me well x

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    Quote Originally Posted by elaine n View Post
    It's so silly thinking of him in terms of someone pre- dementia now, that was so long ago
    Elaine, hi , I don't write on here much as my ability to communicate is limited and diminishing, but thank you your posts have helped me to post, I do think of you and others that I've been able to communicate a little bit with on here but am unable to participate more. I think you are amazing and just wanted to say it's not silly to think of Gary in pre-dementia days, because that was Gary - and I hope and pray that you get more times to remember him pre-dementia as you heal from the traumas you've gone through. I'm thankful you have the dogs they must be a great comfort to you and they understand far more than humans give them credit for. Thinking of you.
    Sue
    x

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    Thank you Sue x

    I hope things are as ok as that they can be for you xxe

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    Quote Originally Posted by elaine n View Post
    Thank you Sue x

    I hope things are as ok as that they can be for you xxe
    Thanks Elaine. Don't know what Ok is anymore but holding on.

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    Holding on will do nicely.

    My mother died 5 years ago, and loved the spring flowers. We had the most dreadful relationship, and she did not even have dementia.Now seeing the flowers makes me cry because all the bitterness and pain has finally healed and I can love her again.

    If that sort of miracle is possible, just about anything is. You will get by somehow, each day is nearer to managing a little better.

    ((( hugs)))

    Gill

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    Thinking of you always Elaine.xx

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    Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Grief is such a complex process isn't it? We go through the motions of day to day living, doing the things we need to - tonight I've been to a meeting with my drama group, somehow I've become the secretary for the next year (oh well....) but no one knows what's going on inside me, they see the person I present to the world and I suppose that's my choice. Apart from you all here, I can't let other people see how I really feel, I don't want their pity or for them to treat me as different to anyone else, that would just make it all worse, as long as they respect the place that I'm in at the moment. I've just read that back and it doesn't really make sense...if i don't let anyone know how things are how can they? It doesn't really matter I think, what I feel is what I feel and other people can't change that

 

 

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