Mum naked in another resident's room - advice please

[sueorbell]

Hi:

My mum is in an expensive EMI residential/nursing unit. My sister and I both live outside of the UK so get to see her about every two months. She can walk, feed herself, talks to us after a fashion on the phone, likes to go for drives with us when we visit, and we can normally take her into a pub for lunch with no difficulties. She can be aggressive both verbally and physically but the Care Home have managed that with medication and how they handle her.

My sister and I knew she visited and lay down on other people's beds, and as the doors are all left open it's to be expected, we think. We have just been told that she was found in a man's bedroom by the man's daughter, she was naked, man wasn't in room but obviously daughter was upset.

Care Home have said they want to move her "upstairs" which is mainly EMI nursing and people are much worse physically than Mum.

My question is, should the home be watching her more closely and preventing her from visiting other's rooms and undressing?

What do you all think? Have to talk to the Care Manager tomorrow and am trying to get a sense of how far I should fight for Mum to stay downstairs with more monitoring (given what we're paying!!!). Cheerio. Sue

[jenniferpa]

My first thought is that what they should be doing is managing the behaviour, or at least trying. The inappropriate undressing can be solved by purchasing clothing which is specifically designed to stop this.

The wandering into other peoples rooms may not be as easily solved, and to be honest, I can see why people might be upset about that, so it may be that she needs to move to a unit where the bedrooms are not left unlocked during the day (if that is the case with the upstairs), but I do think it's possible to deal with the undressing.

[2jays]

I dont have experience of someone in a home but wondered how often your mum has acted in this way (no clothes, another persons room)?

I too would be wondering about supervision, does her behaviour really warrant a move to upstairs? I would be thinking that the move upstairs is for homes benefit, not mums - but as I say I have no experience of this

[Canadian Joanne]

Wandering is such a common occurence with dementia that I think moving your mother to another unit only for that would be inappropriate. As for your mother disrobing, I think Jennifer's suggestion about clothing that's difficult to remove to be the best.

I can understand how the man's family could find it a bit upsetting but my opinion is that the daughter may have overreacted.

Anecdotal evidence only but a wanderer was moved from my mother's unit to another unit which had people further along in dementia and she deterioriated quite quickly. Now, I'm not saying this would happen to your mother but it is a possibility. Just the move alone could throw her off.

Push for the home to keep a closer eye on what their residents are doing and where they are.

[FifiMo]

I have to say that in my mother's room in her home it is like Euston station. There are people coming in and out non-stop. They bring things, they "borrow" things, they sit down and stay a while, they are sometimes in there on their own when we arrive. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the place where everyone has dementia. The staff do try and shepherd people around especially if we are visiting but of course that is then at the risk of the person becoming agitated isn't it. So, your mum went to what she thought was her room and got undressed and went to bed. Yes it might be a shock to see her in there if you were visiting but surely the folks know from experience that these things happen. I do wonder what their reaction would have been if their dad had been in someone elses room.

In my view I see no reason for her to be moved do you? Its not like she was attacking people or ransacking the place. If it was me then I would be suggesting that the staff keep an eye on her especially if it is around nap time.

Fiona
x

[Witzend]

I have to say that in my mother's room in her home it is like Euston station. There are people coming in and out non-stop. They bring things, they "borrow" things, they sit down and stay a while, they are sometimes in there on their own when we arrive. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the place where everyone has dementia. The staff do try and shepherd people around especially if we are visiting but of course that is then at the risk of the person becoming agitated isn't it. So, your mum went to what she thought was her room and got undressed and went to bed. Yes it might be a shock to see her in there if you were visiting but surely the folks know from experience that these things happen. I do wonder what their reaction would have been if their dad had been in someone elses room.

In my view I see no reason for her to be moved do you? Its not like she was attacking people or ransacking the place. If it was me then I would be suggesting that the staff keep an eye on her especially if it is around nap time.

Fiona
x

Agree with all of that - my mother's CH exactly the same. Can't help wondering if the other resident is new and his relatives are still a bit clueless about what they can expect. Have recently said on another thread that I had to tell a 'new' relative the other day not to leave her bag lying around since it would very likely disappear. She looked at me as if I were one of the residents - who's this barmy woman talking rubbish?

[itsmeagain]

Agree with all of that - my mother's CH exactly the same. Can't help wondering if the other resident is new and his relatives are still a bit clueless about what they can expect. Have recently said on another thread that I had to tell a 'new' relative the other day not to leave her bag lying around since it would very likely disappear. She looked at me as if I were one of the residents - who's this barmy woman talking rubbish?

Home needs to keep an eye on her, not move her .

[Clementine]

There was a similar problem with our Mum in hospital.
The nursing home she went to was prepared for this and got her "jumpsuits" with a zip on the back. She now always wears these jumsuits, she even has a leopard one (of which I am quite envious). The nursing home is very keen on saving her dignity, she often rolls up her jumpsuit legs right to the top and a nurse will come immediately and put a blanket over her.
I think the undressing comes from a kind of frustration/being uncomfortable. Mum used to start with pulling at her clothes, opening/pulling buttons etc. and suddenly she would be undressed.
The nursing home also provides patients with babyclothes, dolls, and "fiddling" cushions.

[handyjack]

We have a few residents who wander from time to time. Some days, I have been round all of the downstairs rooms and locked the doors (after checking there's no residents in their rooms) In your mum's case, I feel that the staff should perhaps keep a better watch on your mum (although, I know how hard it can be keeping track of residents, sometimes a moments distraction and you can lose sight of one)
Disrobing, can be a sign that a person is too warm or uncomfortable with the clothes they have on. It can also be a sign that they need pads changing (if they wear them)
Staff are usually aware of those likely to behave these ways and should be extra vigilant.

[SWMBO1950]

I know how distressing this can be as my FIL did this when in respite and once he went into care (he pee'd in a flower pot too)!!

In respite he made it outside and ito the car park!! We did not tell my MIL for some years as at the time she would have been mortified.

However it was something he quickly stopped doing - yet another phase of the disease (not all do it) but I think it can be difficult to prevent. Being confused leads to all sorts of behaviour they we find upsetting but the sufferer does not realise they are doing and it is certainly not on purpose.

People with dementia may undress in public, having forgetten when and where it is appropriate to remove their clothes. If this happens, the carers should take the person somewhere private, and check whether they are too hot or are uncomfortable or want to use the toilet.

I know this is not much help but it will pass.

[sueorbell]

I'd like to thank everyone for their replies. As ever it's like talking with a group of very empathetic friends.

Mum was moved upstairs this morning, no further consultation with us. Apparently she was aggressive to another resident and that was that. It's really hard when someone's family lives far away and is not available at short notice to get involved and advocate on behalf of their loved one. My sister is visiting mum this weekend (arranged weeks ago) and she and I will regroup after the visit and decide what to do next. BFN Sue

[dogcrazyuk]

I am so sorry, Sue that you have had this stressful situation to deal with. It is a very difficult one all round. I fully understand how sad you must be that your mother has had to be moved upstairs. I guess to some extent, though, it is also hard on the CH to balance the needs of all the residents especially if the fees are really high so people have high expectations of care etc. To give an example, my mother was just beginning to settle into her (also v expensive) CH - she was going back to her room one evening last week and I guess one of the other residents (male) came up behind her as she was opening her door and started shouting at her that it was his room and she had to get out. He ended up pushing her out of the way. She was so distressed that we have had days of her crying and having to be accompanied every time she goes to her room. It is so hard when all the residents are in slightly different phases and with the memory loss, of course she could not recognise the man involved. The CH have taken it very seriously and think they know who it is but if my mother had behaved that way to someone else I would be really devastated if they moved her but I can also see the impact this has had on her. I do hope your mother settles - maybe she could have her medication adjusted and she will stop feeling aggressive; there must be some solution so they can all live happily together. Let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you.