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  1. #1
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    help with appointments ? anywhere I can turn to

    While Mum has carers coming in 4 times per day to see that she gets her tablets, is fed and washed I am left to sort out everything else. I have not worked a proper week this year as every week there is an appointment she needs to go to. Dentist, Doctor, hospital etc. I have used up alot of annual leave to do this. I can't continue doing it though as it would mean that even I could arrange respite care I would have no leave left to be able to take a holiday. Does anyone know if there is anywhere I can turn to that would provide mum with someone to take her to routine appointments. I'm at breaking point as on top of all the appointments I do the cleaning, paying the bills, laundry and anything else that needs doing. Mum tells me she has no milk when the carton in almost empty. Tonight it might be 3/4 full so I think she is ok for milk but then she may decide to drink alot and within a few hours there is none left.
     

  2. #2
    LITTLE STORY

    My hubby is an ex warden of a retirement complex. When an elderly lady approached him about getting an electric buggy to get her to and from the shops, this is the advice he gave her:

    If I am ever in your circumstances I will employ a local person to push me in a wheelchair, where I want to go, when I want to go. I will treat them to coffee and cake whilst out shopping etc etc. in return, they will go up and down each supermarket isle 10 times if necessary, they will stop and talk to my friends and I will pay them for a wonderfull personal service.

    MY POINT

    WHO CAN YOU PAY LOCALLY THAT YOU TRUST TO OFFER A PERSONAL SERVICE ?

    We all seem to think no further than social services, nurses etc etc but I thought what a fantastic idea. There are baby sitters, dog walkers, what is wrong with helping as opposed to caring for the elderly ?

    Hope this helps ?
    Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value" Albert Einstein
     

  3. #3
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    Would Crossroads maybe be able to help? They said they will offer us sitting on an ad hoc basis and this could include taking my husband out.
    Tre
     

  4. #4
    I have exactly the same problem. I work flexitime but am constatntly trying to fullfil my 37 hrs a week and take Mum to drs, wound clinic, sw review etc. This past year one third of my leave has been taken in care for Mum plus some days where I have "worked from home". The last meeting I went to Mum's Sw was on the sick, just last week, and I was told by the stand in SW that arrangements could be made for someone to take Mum to routine apts such as chiropodist but I will have to check exact details with the correct SW but there might be something there for you. But Ican sympathise with you when you running like mad just to keep in the same place.

    Jude
     

  5. #5
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    I totally empathise with you and have used the vast majority of my annual leave taking mum to numerous medical appointments and responding to countless crisis requests. When things were at breaking point I would be getting daily calls from dad asking me to go round to their house to calm mum down and/or go hunting for her as she had left their home of 20 odd years to "go home". I had 5 months respite whilst mum was in an assessment unit and now mum is in permanent residential care. Foolishly I thougt once mum was in care I would be free to choose my annual leave when I wanted to use it, however, I am still required to accompany mum to her increasing number of medical appointments. It seems the care home only allow carers to accompany residents without active family members, so my annual leave continues to be used mostly for chaperoning mum to hospital appointments. My dad also requires care and attention, so I doubt whether I will get much of a break again this year.

    However, when mum was at home the alzheimers society provided a service which involved a carer taking mum out for a couple of hours or so. However, this is chargeable and medical appointments can be notoriously lengthy, so this could work out expensive. It might be worth having a word with your social worker as I expect you are feeling very stressed and juggling caring and work can be very challenging.

    I hope you get the help you require.

    Best wishes
     

  6. #6
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    thanks for all the advice.
    I havent heard of crossroads. I don't think they exist in Northern Ireland. I was hoping to ger attendance allowance for mum but she was turned down as her pension is paid by Republic of Ireland. They say the Republic of Ireland should pay the attendance allowance. I've tried telling them that there is no such thing as attendance allowance in Republic of Ireland. I was hoping to use the attendance allowance to pay for someone to be with mum 2 afternoons per week with the idea of not telling mum this person was paid help and then after a bit of getting to know mum she would be able to take her to routine appointments, shopping, hairdresser etc. Mum only has her pension so after I have paid her rent and other bills there is nothing left to pay for extra help. Unfortunately I am not in a position to be able to pay out of my own pocket or I would gladly.

    I think that as mum has no independent means of finance our options are more limited. She did have significant savings but by the time I realised the trouble she was in she had frittered it all away so only enough left to cover funeral costs.

    Cath - I wrongly assumed that if mum were in a care home they would be sorting out taking her for appointments. However I note you say that where there are active family members the home won't take. I think when the day comes for mum to go into a home and according to the CPN that day is fast approaching I will be telling the home that it is out of the question for me to take time off work. I shall tell them I have no leave left. Surely as mum would then be in their care they have the duty of care to ensure her needs are met.


    My problems are compounded by the fact that mum is very resistant to any talk of going into a care home even for respite. She is already trying to get rid of her carers. she's also talking about wanting to go back home and has threatened me that she will phone someone to sort this out as I won't help her. She has told people that I am keeping her locked up and that I don't visit and don't feed her. As each day passes I can feel my stress levels rising. I get up each morning and the feeling of dread comes upon me. The phone calls from the 'professionals' usually start at about 9.30am. Mix a few in from mum and by lunchtime I'm brewing nicely on my way to complete meltdown. Tonight a neighbour in a private house close to the fold met me as I was leaving mum. Coincidentially he was on his way to the fold to complain to the warden about dog fouling. My mum again!!! She can't manage her wee dog and has been warned by the warden but she refuses to see that there is a problem. The dog 'went for' one of the other residents recently. Mum had let him out without a lead. She doesn't see there is a problem with dog poo or pee so doesnt see why anyone else should be so fussy. Her old house was one big doggie toilet!! He's not a bad dog just she can't manage him. One more problem to add to an ever growing pot. Nearly bedtime. Respite for a few hours before the madness starts all over again.
     

  7. #7
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    Isabella, this is only a small part of your whole problem but have you asked at the medical centre or GP's, if there are volunteer drivers? There is a nominal charge for the service - a very small one, where it exists - but the driver would take your Mum certainly to the surgery and back home again. Unfortunately, they wouldn't be able to accompany your mother to the consultation - and it is only GP surgeries as far as I know that sometimes offer this service - but it might be one commitment less for you, if it helps.

    I think you need help though. When you speak to the Care Manager, take a deep breath and tell it like it is. That you cannot cope with any more....if the SS take the responsibility for helping your Mum and put in motion a move to a CH, it has the advantage that she might not see you as the "baddie" in all of this. I do hope you get something sorted.
     

 

 

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