my husband has korsakoffs syndrome

[juliesace]

hi last july myhusband was digionesed with korsakoffs syndrome .it has affected his walking and he is living in a care home .has i was told i would be unable to look after him 24hours seven days a week .i am only 58 and my husband has just turned 64 .i feel that my husband has ruinned mine and his life due to his drinking which has caused this illness . i was wondering if anyone is going through what i am at .

[sunray]

Julie, I am not going through what you are but for years I blamed my husband strokes and increasing debilitation on his out-of-control diabetes and his need for sugar treats. He would even steal them from other people! But in the end I had to realise that I had to deal with life as it was today and could not alter the past.

My husband's stepfather was an alcoholic and I saw the damage that did to his famiyl so I truly do feel for you.

Sue.

[winda]

I understand how you must feel as I have a brother who is alcoholic. He goes for long periods without drink and then will go on a bender and it now makes him very ill. At these times he can only think of drinking (nothing else). He is only 48 but I worry how much longer he can go on like this and worry about him no end. Of course it is much worse for his wife.
They can't help it I know but the illness itself makes them very selfish. My heart goes out to you.

[littlegem]

Hello, you are not alone. My hubby is an alcoholic and would start drinking before work about 7am.
25 years of heavy drinking and he had a massive stroke (high BP he wouldn't see the doc about) that has totally ruined both our lives. Mine is looking after him 24/7 now with no breaks and no help and he has vascular dementia now.
Having said that the drinking caused this I wouldn't wish his life on anyone and feel deep sadness for the waste and the way he is. No point in thinking about blame, things are as they are and we carry on, hopefully I am keeping him happy and content which he does seem to be.

A sad situation all round and I do understand.
Take care
xxxx
PS Our 41 year old son is heading the same way despite seeing what it has done to his Dad????? Don't understand that at all...........

[chucky]

Hi Juliesace, sorry i dont have first hand knowledge of your husbands illness.Caring for a dementia sufferer regardless of how it came about is exhausting and draining so im sure your decision to put him in care wasnt easy to make. However, having said that, my dads CH has a unit solely for sufferers who are there due to alchohol abuse and i have to say i was shocked at the mental state of some of them, i had no idea alchohol could cause this. Some of them are very young 20-40s and older, and there lives have been ruined by alchohol, but that doesnt mean yours should continue to be ruined. Youre still young, 58 isnt that old, and its time for you to put yourself first for a change. Im assuming your life with him cant have been easy, we put up with such a lot in a relationship, but you are free now to do whatever you want. It must be heartbreaking for you to be left with regrets at how your life has changed,, but if youre feeling low i think the first thing to do is see your doctor. Talk about how youre feeling, maybe even some counselling would help. Maybe even AA could help, they see the results of a lifetimes drinking, and theyre there for everyone affected by alchohol not just the user. Youve made the first step by being here on TP, that took courage, and im sure theres others here too that have been through the same. Keep talking and sharinf your thoughts and fears, it helps to get it all out. No one here is judgmental, we all have gone through the good times as well as the bad times, you will get a lot of support from fellow TPrs. Dont give up on yourself, youre far too young to accept defeat. Yes part of your life has been ruined, but theres still the future to look forward to. I wish you well. x

[winda]

Hi Juliesace, sorry i dont have first hand knowledge of your husbands illness.Caring for a dementia sufferer regardless of how it came about is exhausting and draining so im sure your decision to put him in care wasnt easy to make. However, having said that, my dads CH has a unit solely for sufferers who are there due to alchohol abuse and i have to say i was shocked at the mental state of some of them, i had no idea alchohol could cause this. Some of them are very young 20-40s and older, and there lives have been ruined by alchohol, but that doesnt mean yours should continue to be ruined. Youre still young, 58 isnt that old, and its time for you to put yourself first for a change. Im assuming your life with him cant have been easy, we put up with such a lot in a relationship, but you are free now to do whatever you want. It must be heartbreaking for you to be left with regrets at how your life has changed,, but if youre feeling low i think the first thing to do is see your doctor. Talk about how youre feeling, maybe even some counselling would help. Maybe even AA could help, they see the results of a lifetimes drinking, and theyre there for everyone affected by alchohol not just the user. Youve made the first step by being here on TP, that took courage, and im sure theres others here too that have been through the same. Keep talking and sharinf your thoughts and fears, it helps to get it all out. No one here is judgmental, we all have gone through the good times as well as the bad times, you will get a lot of support from fellow TPrs. Dont give up on yourself, youre far too young to accept defeat. Yes part of your life has been ruined, but theres still the future to look forward to. I wish you well. x

Hi Juliesace, Chucky is right you are still young and deserve to have a good future.

[emma1010]

juliesace:
you can get support from a variety of different sources that might help you:
try http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk - they are set up specifically to help people who don't necessarily have a problem relationship with alcohol themselves, but whose lives have been affected by drink. They may be able to help you process some of the emotions you are currently experiencing?
Also - a diagnosis of Korsakoff's is not necessarily a life-sentence and your husband will be able to achieve a really good quality of life with the right kind of care and support. There are specialist residential services (try googling something like 'korsakovs care') which specialise in helping individuals with Korsakoff's syndrome achieve a good quality of life and can help them rehabilitate. It's not the same kind of care that your husband will get in an ordinary care home - it might be worth looking into?
Other than that, I totally agree with Chucky's comments about you still being very young and having lots of life left ahead of you. Now that other people are helping share the burden of worry and care with you, perhaps it's time to get some support for yourself so that you can get on with the rest of your life... no one will judge you harshly for that.
Whatever happens - good luck with everything. I hope it all works out for the best.
Emma

[L2011]

Hi Julie, My dad has recently been diagnosed with Korsakoff's and is now living in a care home. He is 66.
Whilst I am relieved that at least now I know where he is (I worried constantly about him whilst he was drinking, that he would injure himself or others), I am also wrestling with emotions at the moment. I feel anger that he has ruined his health, guilt that I didn't do enough to help him beat alcoholism, and a deep sense of loss that I won't be able to have any normal kind of father-daughter relationship that my friends have with their dads.
I am slowly coming to the realisation that I should focus on living my own life. Dwelling on dads diagnosis is neither helping him, nor myself. It sounds selfish, but having spent my entire life (I am 32) with an alcoholic parent, I think it is time to refocus my attention. You are too young to be defeated by your husband's diagnosis. You have your own life and many, many years of living to do.
Wishing you all the very best,
x

[Bear1982]

Hello, I am going through exactly the same as you if u would like to share stories x

Hi Julie, My dad has recently been diagnosed with Korsakoff's and is now living in a care home. He is 66.
Whilst I am relieved that at least now I know where he is (I worried constantly about him whilst he was drinking, that he would injure himself or others), I am also wrestling with emotions at the moment. I feel anger that he has ruined his health, guilt that I didn't do enough to help him beat alcoholism, and a deep sense of loss that I won't be able to have any normal kind of father-daughter relationship that my friends have with their dads.
I am slowly coming to the realisation that I should focus on living my own life. Dwelling on dads diagnosis is neither helping him, nor myself. It sounds selfish, but having spent my entire life (I am 32) with an alcoholic parent, I think it is time to refocus my attention. You are too young to be defeated by your husband's diagnosis. You have your own life and many, many years of living to do.
Wishing you all the very best,
x