Difficult behaviour, not sure what it is, don't know what to do.

[rocknhardplace]

Hello

My brothers and I are very concerned because our father's behaviour has become increasingly erratic and difficult over the past 6 months or so. He has never been easy but it has got much worse and he is saying weird and irrational things, being aggressive/insulting towards us with no clear reason and so on. Major mood swings. He lives on his own and can basically care for himself ok but his memory has become poor (he forgets arrangements that have been made etc). We are starting to put two and two together (and maybe making five) and that's what prompted me to post on this forum. He is late sixties, so not that old, but he is also a heavy drinker so that could be a factor. It is impossible to deal with him to get him to seek proper medical help (in fact he has been so terrible to each of us, separately, that we are not on good terms at the moment). None of us live that close to him to know his GP.

Basically, we think we need some advice, to talk to someone who might have an idea about what's going on and where to go from here so that we can do the right thing. Can anyone please suggest where we might get this type of advice as we are currently stuck, especially as there is no diagnosis as such. Thanks!

[Grannie G]

If you don`t know his GP, do you know who his GP is? If so, I would write to his GP expressing your concerns.

[Onlyme]

Hi and welcome.

If possible make a bullet point list of strange things you have seen and send that with your letter to the Dr. Ask the Dr if he can call him in a 'nearly 70 year old health check' or somthing like that. When the letter comes don't tell FIL until just before he is going. It is usually best to just tell them as you are getting them ready so they don't get worked up or refuse to go.

There are various things that can contribute to dementia so be sure to remind the Dr if he has other conditions as well as the drinking.

I hope you manage to get him seen soon.

[SWMBO1950]

......the worries you are having with your father. I agree with all that has been said here and it is important you get any early diagnosis (not just dementia causes these symptoms although they are the most common).

We got my FIL to the hospital by saying we were just going out and when we arrived we said he had an appointment which he told us 'we could stick up our gongas ?!' He was at that time having good and bad days so in the nicest possible way we hoped he was having a bad day - which he was.

Please contact your fathers GP asap (could one of his neighbours help with pinning down who his doctor is? - may be worth a visit) as they will often either speak with you over the telephone or see you alone as a worried next of kin to discuss your concerns and a course of action.

Keep posting here with your progress and good luck

My brothers and I are very concerned because our father's behaviour has become increasingly erratic and difficult over the past 6 months or so. He has never been easy but it has got much worse and he is saying weird and irrational things, being aggressive/insulting towards us with no clear reason and so on. Major mood swings. He lives on his own and can basically care for himself ok but his memory has become poor (he forgets arrangements that have been made etc). We are starting to put two and two together (and maybe making five) and that's what prompted me to post on this forum. He is late sixties, so not that old, but he is also a heavy drinker so that could be a factor. It is impossible to deal with him to get him to seek proper medical help (in fact he has been so terrible to each of us, separately, that we are not on good terms at the moment). None of us live that close to him to know his GP.

Basically, we think we need some advice, to talk to someone who might have an idea about what's going on and where to go from here so that we can do the right thing. Can anyone please suggest where we might get this type of advice as we are currently stuck, especially as there is no diagnosis as such. Thanks!

[/QUOTE]

[FifiMo]

Another alternative if you don't know who is GP is, would be to phone the local Social Services and speak to the Social Worker for his area. You could say that people have reported changes in his behaviour to you and that it involves a mix of alcohol and memory/aggression problems. Say you are concerned not just for him but for the safety of others due to his mood swings. I would also give the phone number for the social workers to his neighours and encourage them to call too if they think there are problems - the more reports the better quite frankly. If you are there and he is aggressive, then you could also consider calling the police. The police are required to make a report of such instances and to forward this to his GP and the Social Work Department. All of these things sound rather dramatic but if he is not going to volunteer to see a Dr etc then this is often the only route to get someone the help that they need.

Best of luck and i hope you get your dad sorted out soon.

Fiona

[Tammy68]

I had very similar difficulties to you with my own father. About 4 years ago it was. In the end I found out who his doctor was and actually made an appointment to see her myself. I told her that I knew she was unable to discuss him with me legally but I could still pass on what I thought was important informant to her. I told her all about the out of character behave and confusion my dad appeared to be having and she agreed to arrange for a community nurse to call and give him a mini mental test saying to him that it was just a formality. This was done and he actually passed! I still just knew he wasn't right so I took things further with the doctor and actually persuaded my dad that he had to go in as he did admit to forgetting things. I think he was scared something was wrong and so was burying his head a little, so I explained that it could be that he needed his regular medication adjusting as it could be that something he ws taking was not agreeing with some other of his medication. Once in the surgery with him I did prompt him and push him and the doctor arranged a referral to the mental health team. I went with him to that and he was diagnosed there and then and within a couple of hours as having mild Alzheimer's and dementia.

[rocknhardplace]

Thanks for the replies so far!