+ Post a comment
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    23

    Advice would be extremely helpful.....please.

    Please bear with me if this post seems a little long winded. Firstly could you tell me what PCT means?

    My father age 92 remarried some 14 years ago and we ( my sisters and I) have always had a good relationship with our stepmom.

    Unfortunately after only year or two of marriage there started to be many arguments, but they continued to live with each other until the end of January. Step mom left and went to live with her daughter without telling us what she meant to do. Now I have every sympathy with her, because Dad is not the easiest person to live with, but then neither was she. We had suspected he was having dementia problems because of his great age, but nothing was ever confirmed with us. We tried to help them in numerous ways. I live some 200 miles round journey away from them but did most of their paperwork for them like filling in benefit forms, insurance,even writing all their Christmas cards. I arranged for them to have meals delivered that could be microwaved to save Mum from having to shop and prepare meals as she said it had become too much for her. She is 84. One of my sisters until being hospitalised before Christmas herself, cleaned house for them every week. What ever care plans we set up, they did not seem to want anyone they did not know in their house. They live in a council bungalow by the way after moving out of a house that had previously been owned by my step mom.
    When Dad was left on his own( not for the first time, it happened just the same 18 months ago) he rang the police to say his wife had disappeared and he did not know where she was. According to the police he had not rung us because he did not know our phone numbers. Please bear in mind he is almost blind, partly deaf and suffers from arthritis and angina.They called in a Social service team who took him into an emergency care home.
    I rand to see how my step mom was, concerned that she had obviously had enough of looking after Dad and had begun to look frail and thin. She said she was beginning to feel better, but under no circumstances would she have him back, and when everything was sorted out she would return to live in her own home Not once did she ask where he was, or indeed, how he was, something that I found very strange. Believe me I feel no anomosity towards her and I am just grateful for the years she did take care of my father.
    Dads social worker spoke to me by telephone and said they believed something needed to be done about his power of attorney. I read up various information on different sites before arriving here and realised it was needed to decide his care and well being and possibly but also for his finances. Finance was something I had never discussed before with either of them, but I did find out that when they split up before, the bank had frozen their joint bank account because his wife and her daughter had tried to move some money.
    Considering everything, and I know money is always an emotive issue, I said I would consider doing that for Dad providing a discussion was had with my step mom giving me permission to do that. The meeting was last Friday and step mom said she would pay for his stay in the emergency care home but when he left to go else where I could then become responsible for his personal finances.I was pleased at that out come, because I thought her health would improve and she could now get on with her own life and let us accept responsibilty
    Now today I have been told that step moms son in law called the social worker to say that "mum" was very confused on Friday and has since changed her mind. Why?? The social worker said my stepmom on the day was adamant in what she wanted, so much so that her daughter commented on how decisive she was being that day, especially on the subject of not having Dad back home. Things apparently changed after discussions with her son in law, who I must say has never got on with my father and has not been into their joint home for many years.
    There is nothing to be gained financially that I am aware of, as all that will be left after Dads care has been paid for will be his personal allowance of 22.60 a week.
    The only thing I can possibly think about is that they dont want me to see any bank accounts. Could it be, that as they have lived frugally over the years, and that his care money and state pension might have been moved into my step moms account. I would not have even thought of this if their joint bank account had not been frozen last time they split up, and of course now Dads health is so much worse. We did learn that at that time he had been diagnosed as having vascular dementia, but we have been totally unaware of this.
    I am going to phone the Public Guardian tomorrow, could someone please express an opinion and let me know if this is the right direction to take?
    Last edited by needabrandy; 15-02-2012 at 01:32 AM.

  2. #2
    Hi and welcome to Talking Point.

    Firstly PCT = Primary Care Trust.

    Is it possible that your step mother is herself suffering from some form of dementia? The comment from the daughter about her being unusually decisive slightly suggest that. to be honest I'm not sure you will be doing yourself any good by trying to work out what the possible motives the SIL may have - all I can say is that people can be very odd, and sometimes they do things for reasons that may make no sense to everyone else.

    I would call the public guardian but I'm not sure how much help they are going to be, because all they will be able to do is advise you to apply to become a deputy for your father. If you do that your sept mother will be notified and then she will have the opportunity to object. If she does that,t here's a good chance that a professional deputy will be appointed.

    Can I suggest that you call the AS helpline tomorrow - they can talk you through your options.

    Something else to consider - if your father has few savings and his income is entirely based on his state pensions and benefits, the easiest way to deal with this is by becoming an appointee designated by the DWP. It's fast, it's free, but it will depend on if your step-mother plays ball.
    Jennifer

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.

    Abraham J. Heschel

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    23
    [QUOTE

    I would call the public guardian but I'm not sure how much help they are going to be, because all they will be able to do is advise you to apply to become a deputy for your father. If you do that your sept mother will be notified and then she will have the opportunity to object. If she does that,t here's a good chance that a professional deputy will be appointed.

    Can I suggest that you call the AS helpline tomorrow - they can talk you through your options.

    Something else to consider - if your father has few savings and his income is entirely based on his state pensions and benefits, the easiest way to deal with this is by becoming an appointee designated by the DWP. It's fast, it's free, but it will depend on if your step-mother plays ball.[/QUOTE]

    Thank you so much for your prompt reply, it is much appreciated.
    How is it people actively involved with care are always awake at this early hour in the morning? You would think we would need all the sleep we can get!

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Wiltshire
    Posts
    4,715
    Hmmm, something isn't adding up here to my mind.

    Firistly, the picture you paint is of an elderly couple living hand to mouth in a council bungalow with their pension as their source of income. My first question therefore would be why did the bank freeze their joint account? Yes his wife and step-daughter were trying to shift money - but if it was just pension money then you have to ask if that would even have been significant enough for a bank to notice and then take action on, if you get my meaning. Sounds as though the sums of money had to have been fairly substantial for the bank to have taken such action.

    Secondly, I can understand that his wife has had enough and wants to move on and sort her own life out, that is fine. What I don't think she can do however is just walk away financially, particularly when your dad is going into care and has care home fees etc to be assessed. If nothing else, I would expect the local authorities to have done a financial assessment at the point that a care home was necessary and then to divide whatever savings etc are there at that time?

    Thirdly, you have the statement that the wife will pay for the emergency care - my question would be - with what? If they are just living off their pension then you wouldn't consider there to be money there to fund such a payment now would you?

    What is the son-in-law trying to cover up by intervening? What is he trying to protect?

    Soooooo, if the social worker too was surprised as to what was being covered up potentially, then perhaps you should have a quiet word with her and suggest that the starting point is for a proper financial assessment to be done. This will require them to provide evidence of all bank accounts etc and current balances. If there is some money squirreled away, then your dad's share of it would be identified and even if it is under 14,500 you could then insist that it is separated out into an account to cover his expenses in the future. Personally, I cannot see how they (both LA and the Wife) can avoid doing this - yes his wife might be moving on - but at this point in time when a financial assessment is being done, she is still his wife and there are still joint accounts and potentially other accounts that you know nothing of yet, that need to be taken into consideration. I would be suggesting to the social worker that the local authorities would be lacking in their duties to not do such an assessment. From your dad's point of view, the worst off he can be is that they take his pension etc and he is left with 22.50. He might however be entitled to a share in savings or something to which he has no recollection of. Such money would give him a bit of cushion over the next few years in care. For example, did they have insurance policies? Lots of people have these endowment policies that mature at various times - they were popular a few years back as a means of giving small sums of money during retirement that might fund a holiday or a new car or something like that. Does your dad have a death policy? I hope they're not cashing that in for some paltry sum for example? Did he ever hold premium bonds? ( I am just trying to think of monies that might have built up over the years despite people being on a pension).

    Just my view of course, but something ain't smelling right here and I just thought i'd share my thoughts on what you said as I would hate for your dad to be getting exploited by people.

    Fiona

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by FifiMo View Post
    have been significant enough for a bank to notice and then take action on, if you get my meaning. Sounds as though the sums of money had to have been fairly substantial for the bank to have taken such action.
    You can't move sums over 9999 without the bank thinking you are money laundering and freezing accounts.

    Did your MIL put some funds from her house sale into an account and then move it out to her daughter? If sounds as if, even though the money could have been hers in the first place, the family are worried it will be seen as deprovation of funds.

    It does sound as if she is being prompted by SIL.

    Lemony xx


    When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    23

    Thank you all

    Thank you all,I really do appreciate your listening ears and the replies given, by Jennifer and Fifimo
    Fifimo if it took you as long to type such a long reply as it does for me to type with two fingers, then I am in awe of your genuine concern....thanks.

    Dad had very little savings when he married my step mom about 14 years ago, maybe a couple of thousand pounds. She however did own HER own home which was sold as Dad became infirm and was unable to climb the stairs. That money was hers and not Dads.
    They did make joint wills leaving anything left after they died to be shared equally between her two children and we three daughters. I made it clear that we wanted them to use any money they had to be comfortable in their senior years, and that both I and my sisters did not expect or wish to receive anything. They both told us that things had been taken care of and that one daughter from both sides of the family would be executers of the will. Further to that pre paid funeral plans had been arranged and paid for by them. What will happen in regards to that is a mystery, but as I have said money is not an issue with any of Dads daughters. We only want to be in a position that if Dad needs anything, the care home where he is now going to live,do not have to ask for finance from Dads wife and can come directly to us. Another real fear on my part, is that if "Mum" becomes unable to handle their finances would her daughter and son in law be in a position to have responsibility for our Dad,if she as his wife continues to be in charge of his finances
    We truly cannot understand why there is this anomosity, we have always got on well with "Mum" . Although things were not good with them, it still came as a big shock to us to find Dad had been admitted to an emergency care home without our knowledge.
    Today my sister asked that personal effects of Dads like his razor, clothing, and family photographs plus a few things that belong to OUR Mum and him be returned so the room in his new care home might appear to be familiar. The son in law on his own was there when my sister arrived busily re decorating the bungalow. He had not previously been in there for years.
    I hate to say it, but Dads two wallets and his cash box and his watches have been removed " for safe keeping" and my step mom has them at the home she is presently sharing with her daughter and son in law.
    It is such a mess and hard to know which way to turn. We just want Dad to have some peace,and be well looked after in a safe, clean and caring enviroment. We love our dad dearly. We know he can be awkward and sharp at times, but he brought us up to the best of his ability and now we want to do only what is best for him.
    Thank you for listening it is nice to know that someone out there understands what we are going through.

 

 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts