Please bear with me if this post seems a little long winded. Firstly could you tell me what PCT means?
My father age 92 remarried some 14 years ago and we ( my sisters and I) have always had a good relationship with our stepmom.
Unfortunately after only year or two of marriage there started to be many arguments, but they continued to live with each other until the end of January. Step mom left and went to live with her daughter without telling us what she meant to do. Now I have every sympathy with her, because Dad is not the easiest person to live with, but then neither was she. We had suspected he was having dementia problems because of his great age, but nothing was ever confirmed with us. We tried to help them in numerous ways. I live some 200 miles round journey away from them but did most of their paperwork for them like filling in benefit forms, insurance,even writing all their Christmas cards. I arranged for them to have meals delivered that could be microwaved to save Mum from having to shop and prepare meals as she said it had become too much for her. She is 84. One of my sisters until being hospitalised before Christmas herself, cleaned house for them every week. What ever care plans we set up, they did not seem to want anyone they did not know in their house. They live in a council bungalow by the way after moving out of a house that had previously been owned by my step mom.
When Dad was left on his own( not for the first time, it happened just the same 18 months ago) he rang the police to say his wife had disappeared and he did not know where she was. According to the police he had not rung us because he did not know our phone numbers. Please bear in mind he is almost blind, partly deaf and suffers from arthritis and angina.They called in a Social service team who took him into an emergency care home.
I rand to see how my step mom was, concerned that she had obviously had enough of looking after Dad and had begun to look frail and thin. She said she was beginning to feel better, but under no circumstances would she have him back, and when everything was sorted out she would return to live in her own home Not once did she ask where he was, or indeed, how he was, something that I found very strange. Believe me I feel no anomosity towards her and I am just grateful for the years she did take care of my father.
Dads social worker spoke to me by telephone and said they believed something needed to be done about his power of attorney. I read up various information on different sites before arriving here and realised it was needed to decide his care and well being and possibly but also for his finances. Finance was something I had never discussed before with either of them, but I did find out that when they split up before, the bank had frozen their joint bank account because his wife and her daughter had tried to move some money.
Considering everything, and I know money is always an emotive issue, I said I would consider doing that for Dad providing a discussion was had with my step mom giving me permission to do that. The meeting was last Friday and step mom said she would pay for his stay in the emergency care home but when he left to go else where I could then become responsible for his personal finances.I was pleased at that out come, because I thought her health would improve and she could now get on with her own life and let us accept responsibilty
Now today I have been told that step moms son in law called the social worker to say that "mum" was very confused on Friday and has since changed her mind. Why?? The social worker said my stepmom on the day was adamant in what she wanted, so much so that her daughter commented on how decisive she was being that day, especially on the subject of not having Dad back home. Things apparently changed after discussions with her son in law, who I must say has never got on with my father and has not been into their joint home for many years.
There is nothing to be gained financially that I am aware of, as all that will be left after Dads care has been paid for will be his personal allowance of £22.60 a week.
The only thing I can possibly think about is that they dont want me to see any bank accounts. Could it be, that as they have lived frugally over the years, and that his care money and state pension might have been moved into my step moms account. I would not have even thought of this if their joint bank account had not been frozen last time they split up, and of course now Dads health is so much worse. We did learn that at that time he had been diagnosed as having vascular dementia, but we have been totally unaware of this.
I am going to phone the Public Guardian tomorrow, could someone please express an opinion and let me know if this is the right direction to take?