I have only just caught up with your thread after my absence and am very sorry and sad that you are feeling so low.
I wish I could say something helpful, as do so many of us here, but realise I can't, can only feel for you. Also empathise... Some of what Pied and Helen wrote could be me writing. Like Pied during bad times sometimes I need to be alone, sometimes I need to talk it out.
Or to be accurate, write it out because TP is the only place I have ever 'talked'/written so openly. There truly is something special, something unique about TP and here I have opened up as never before. I think doing that since I joined has saved my sanity. For a very very long time I was too alone in myself. Although when I look at my lengthy posts afterwards I can't believe it is me.
But many of us know that before we found TP it was practically impossible to talk to others in our lives about how our lives had become, living with a loved one suffering dementia. To talk about our inner thoughts, feelings, to express ourselves knowing that there was understanding there. So we kept it all within, the effort to 'explain' to those who well meaningly did talk the platitudes but lacked the true understanding was too exhausting.
It can be the same concerning other things happening in our lives.
But this is not about me, it is about you Karen. Where you are is a horrible place to be, and although I understand the need to withdraw into youself and away from other people, there is a danger if this goes on too long.
I'm not by any means lecturing, but I do hope you will in time let someone in, and you know you have sincere caring friends here on TP. There is no pressure to talk if you don't want to do so, or to meet any expecations. As Helen said
We are all here for you if and when you do feel like writing, and you are in our thoughts.
Not well said and as usual I have written too much. I'm just so deeply saddened by your unhappiness, Karen, and concerned about you, as are all those who have written here.
With my love