Loss

[Contrary Mary]

Dear Karen

I wish I could find something helpful to say, I read your thread every day and feel your despair.

I hope you can take a little comfort from all the people here on TP who are thinking of you and praying that at some point you will find the way forward.

With much love
Mary
x

[Authona]

Kassy,

The people that post here are real but this world is a cyberworld ... its missing so many things ... human touch, physical bonding, seeing, talking to, hearing a voice, smelling, sensing, etc...all of which you should be able to find in your life. None of us can give you any of this or be there with you in person. I can't speak for everyone but I guess I am not alone in that I come here onto TP to check in every now and then and then I go off and get on with my own life. You are in my mind from time to time but not in my life. I cannot help you. I can only sit here and read and 'watch'. None of us posting on here are REAL in each other's lives ... although I think you do see a few that post here and are friends with them so they are real ... ?

As someone has already suggested, how would you feel about finding someone in your own life as well and consider spending less time posting on here? The lovely consoling replies are comforting but they fix nothing. You have it in you to do that in your life in reality for you ... its how long you deny yourself the chance by staying stuck and continuing in the way you are. You were great once, you said so yourself, you can be great again ... Kassy.

I don't know how my words will leave you feeling but I am trying I guess to make you think about doing something different in your own life to move things a little. I don't understand your situation really as I don't see you, don't know even where you live so can't come over to visit you ... or I would. The cyberworld is constraining!

Also, there is a book called 'F**k It!' that might be worth reading. And 'The Blue Day' book is a lovely book to remind us all that life really can be OK, no matter what the issues.

Just take care Kassy and start looking to really save your self instead of thinking you can't and posting so much on here for support that, in essence, is always caring, loving and well-meant but doesn't help you change anything. You can do that. I don't even want to think about the idea that you can't.

One more question, what would you do if this site went down for some reason ... or got pulled completely ... ? I guess I worry about your reliance on it to lift your spirits a bit each day.

Just take care,
Cyber ((((((HUG))))))
Ax

[kassy]

I thought posting in the 'loss' section was appropriate,obviously not,apologies to anyone i've offended/upset,it wasn't my intention.I don't mean to keep posting here,but i don't know where to turn.

I'll stick to phoning the Samaritans.


Edited to add:I don't just take,i hope i have given support too.

[Skye]

:I don't just take,i hope i have given support too.

You do, Kassy, you do.

I just popped in becauseI'm dealing with another problem, not dementia related, but I do keep up with your thread.

Please don't feel you can't post, so many people here care about you, and would give anything to be able to help. You know I'm here.

Love,

[tre]

Dear Kassy,
for me it does not matter where you post but do keep posting. If you were to stop I would be really worrying about what has happened.
I am always posting in the wrong section but luckily the clever people move the completely wrong stuff. You have lost your mum and so I would have thought you were in the right place, whatever else your heart is certainly in the right place
Love Tre

[jan.s]

I thought posting in the 'loss' section was appropriate,obviously not,apologies to anyone i've offended/upset,it wasn't my intention.I don't mean to keep posting here,but i don't know where to turn.

I'll stick to phoning the Samaritans.


Edited to add:I don't just take,i hope i have given support too.

Dear Kassy
You have given me a lot of support for which I am very thankful, and I hope you feel that I can support you too. I would do anything I could to help you, because I do understand your feeling of loss and hopelessness. I too have been in that deep dark hole and trying to even see the ladder to climb up is a challenge
Sometimes it just feels as though our whole world is tumbling around us, and posting on TP, I have found to be very supportive - so keep it going.
I will send you a PM later today, but I do understand how important TP is in your life, as it is in mine. We all have different ways of viewing the world.
Please be assured, you are most definitely a giver - there is no doubt about that.

Keep strong and we'll speak later.
Much love
Jan x

[turbo]

Hello kassy, this forum is my real world and you are real to me. Please keep posting. You are a valued member of this forum. The support you offer even when you are feeling in the depths of despair is wonderful.

turbo

[florence43]

Dearest Karen,

I too follow your thread every day....hoping really that one of those days there will be better news, as I just can't find the words that may help.

I know you just need to be heard, and I am definitely listening, and I also know how vital it is to be understood. And we all understand. I hope that helps a little.. xxx

People are so moved by your sadness and I think it gets to a point where many are searching for that breakthrough. I know I have been guilty of that. Suggesting things that you've already tried, offering advice when I have no experience. I'm so scared that I may tip you the wrong way, yet so determined to take the risk on the off-chance I can make the difference to your struggle.

I get the firm impression that's what everyone is doing on your thread, so please don't ever feel defensive, though I know that's hard. Please, please take the hand that's offered and know that it is is given gingerly, compassionately and with love, xxxxx

[kassy]

Kassy,

The people that post here are real but this world is a cyberworld ... its missing so many things ... human touch, physical bonding, seeing, talking to, hearing a voice, smelling, sensing, etc...all of which you should be able to find in your life. None of us can give you any of this or be there with you in person. I can't speak for everyone but I guess I am not alone in that I come here onto TP to check in every now and then and then I go off and get on with my own life. You are in my mind from time to time but not in my life. I cannot help you. I can only sit here and read and 'watch'. None of us posting on here are REAL in each other's lives ... although I think you do see a few that post here and are friends with them so they are real ... ?

As someone has already suggested, how would you feel about finding someone in your own life as well and consider spending less time posting on here? The lovely consoling replies are comforting but they fix nothing. You have it in you to do that in your life in reality for you ... its how long you deny yourself the chance by staying stuck and continuing in the way you are. You were great once, you said so yourself, you can be great again ... Kassy.

I don't know how my words will leave you feeling but I am trying I guess to make you think about doing something different in your own life to move things a little. I don't understand your situation really as I don't see you, don't know even where you live so can't come over to visit you ... or I would. The cyberworld is constraining!

Also, there is a book called 'F**k It!' that might be worth reading. And 'The Blue Day' book is a lovely book to remind us all that life really can be OK, no matter what the issues.

Just take care Kassy and start looking to really save your self instead of thinking you can't and posting so much on here for support that, in essence, is always caring, loving and well-meant but doesn't help you change anything. You can do that. I don't even want to think about the idea that you can't.

One more question, what would you do if this site went down for some reason ... or got pulled completely ... ? I guess I worry about your reliance on it to lift your spirits a bit each day.

Just take care,
Cyber ((((((HUG))))))
Ax

To me,TP is real,its the 'people in the real world',that have problems with me,and my struggles.I know you mean well Authona,and i take no offence from your post,but its not easy for me to forge relationships with anyone anymore.I'm here because people understand,i'm here because i'm lonely,and i'm here because my friends are here,'virtual' or not.

What would i do without TP? I'm pretty sure i would have been a lot worse,and i'm sure there are a lot more posters here that need TP as much as i do.

[Saffie]

QUOTE]One more question, what would you do if this site went down for some reason ... or got pulled completely ... ? I guess I worry about your reliance on it to lift your spirits a bit each day.
[/QUOTE]

Sorry - but Kassy is not alone in this. I rely on it too as the people here give me far more support than any friend does, or even - in some ways, because they have very busy lives of their own - my family. There are people here who are going through similar problems to mine, feeling similar grief and having to come to terms with similar situations. I know how desperate I would be if this site was pulled completely. I swear it has saved my sanity. So I completely understand why Kassy needs this support so much.

There are others for whom TP is not as important, for various reasons, and that is fine, we all take from TP in varying degrees and hopefully, give in the same way.

Kassy, hang in there don't despair, as long as you want us we are here for you. I keep saying that I wish we could do more but if willpower has anything to do with it, your friends here are all willing you to take care of yourself. You help and support so many of us, so often, keep coming back , we need you. XXX

[sallyc]

If it hadn't been for you being on TP, I would be minus a very special friend.

And, even when you are at the absolute depths of your despair, I know I could pm you, ring you, text you or whatever with my own problems and you would support me.

I have never ceased to be amazed at how you have managed to give support to others on here, even when you are dealing with so much yourself.

Stay with us Kassy. We're your friends. And we care.

[Tender Face]

Kassy, I am guilty of keeping up to date with your thread but rarely posting, although I think of you a lot and wish you a way out of your hole. (Florence43 has just summed it up perfectly). Simply, I don’t always know what to say to help – or sometimes I think what I might say may be taken the wrong way and upset you even more. So here goes .....

I read Authona’s post with a smile at my own situation a while back. I didn’t read the post as “you should not post on TP” but thought of this more generic rationale for reducing computer use. I remember reading about this research some time ago:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology...use-depression

I personally recognised at one point I was using the PC as a means to ignore the rest of the world ... be it on TP, reading news, even playing on-line games just to take my mind off things (while the house was falling down around me and chores got ignored as they often do when depressed) ...... and instead of it making me feel less isolated and depressed I was actually digging myself a deeper hole. I ‘weaned myself’ away during the day by setting myself some tasks – it might be walking out for an errand (and yes, I know the monumental effort it can take just to get dressed and get out of the door some days), or just some household tasks to complete. Then when I sat at the PC – for pure distraction, not work purposes – I could do so feeling good I had achieved something. (Not much – baby steps – it might just have been mopping the kitchen floor!). Now I have reached a point I feel *I* am in control of my PC use not the other way round. It might be worth considering? (Very different, of course to the isolated carer or sufferer housebound because of physical restraints for whom the PC is the only outlet to the rest of the world – or as I well know – at a time in our lives the only people who ‘understand’ us are on an internet forum).

Now – just to completely contradict my own thoughts and encourage you to use the PC more ... have you thought about joining a mental health forum? Obviously you have a lot of issues tied in with dementia which TP can help with - and clearly a lot of friends here - but clearly there is a lot more going on for you and the more help you can harness 'real' or 'virtual' the better .... I had a dabble a couple of years ago .... most have sections which deal specifically with depression/anxiety and I found some good advice. I have to say though I decided not to join and fully take part. For me, much like TP, I think there are times we need it to support, times we are strong enough to offer others support –but quite frankly days when you are so submerged in your own swamp taking on board anyone else’s problem is just too much and can be frighteningly counter-productive? It might be worth thinking about and just dipping your toe in the water – see if it is for you? There are also pathways to computer based therapies – excellent idea if you’re struggling to get out of the house!

Make that PC work for you, Kassy.

Please know I am thinking of you, love, Karen, x

[CaPattinson]

Oh dear, what's going on here.

Real, not real. Support, friendship. real, not real, cyberworld

Everyone has a right to an opinion.

I'm finding it hard to put into words but so many of us rely on TP and where would we be without it? Doesn't bear thinking about. Its a life saver

The support, caring and kindness is real, the people who post here are real, the horrors of this vile disease are real there is no question nor doubt for me.

TP is here for a reason, it is here for each and everyone of us.

sometimes we don't agree but then in 'real' life we don't agree with everyone. We choose to be here, thank goodness for TP. It is real. We are real.

Sorry, Kassy, went off on one there!

[Helen33]

Dear Kassy,

The one thing I am sure of is that each and every poster here really cares about you and wants to help. I'm always afraid of saying the 'wrong thing' but then I often think that some people are worth the risk of me being misunderstood or rejected. YOU are one of those people. I can be far too sensitive to rejection and I suspect that you are too. I wonder if Authona is feeling similarly at the moment?

Love to you and all your friends on here.

[piedwarbler]

Edited to add:I don't just take,i hope i have given support too.

You have supported me in my whole journey with my mum's dementia Kassy. I think you have true compassion.
I am sending a hug xx