My mother has not taken her diagnosis well (Vascular Dementia and Alzheimers with signs of old stroke damage conveyed to her, my brother and I on 21st December 2011). She seems to have decided that I have 'engineered' this, blames me directly for her being told she must not drive again, does not understand why she has to have carers daily to administer her Aricept (which she doesn't understand why she has to take) and is taking her anger and frustration out on me.
She is furious that I claimed for and managed to get Attendance Allowance for her - apparently she was well aware that she was entitled to this and was waiting for someone from the DWP to contact her direct and offer it to her. She blames me for all the clothes that she says are missing from her wardrobe, also blames me for all the mysterious items that have been piled high in her spare room, blames me for all her important paperwork going missing (Marriage and Birth Certificates, all the paperwork from her divorce from my father some 40 years ago). She has told her friend that I have had all her important mail redirected to my house and that I have somehow (because I have some legal knowledge from very long ago) got around the system without a Power of Attorney. In fact she has told them that I am evil.
I took her shopping today and have been berated for being concerned that she has lost £200 in cash that she withdrew from the Bank only recently (which I know she cannot possibly have spent as she only uses this cash to buy the Daily Mail twice a week) and I've been screamed at to "GET OUT OF MY BUNGALOW" for being so horrible as to be concerned about her, help her look for the missing cash and take her out shopping. She has in recent weeks also tried to slap me on a couple of occasions.
Now I know my rational side is telling me that this is all symptomatic of her disease, but today she reduced me to tears. It is very reminiscent of the mother I grew up with who would scream and shout, beat me, threaten to take her own life all because my father left her. I was a terrified 11 year old and left home as soon as I could. I thought all those years were behind me but now find the little girl in me struggling to stay put as I'm faced with some very old memories coming to the fore, and I'm 52 now.
Today, when she behaved very bizzarely in the Bank with me stood by her side but not interfering, on leaving she apologised to the cashier for my bad behaviour!!
I have tried to communicate the troubles I am having with my mother to the social care team at the hospital but I'm finding them as much help as a chocolate teapot. They have instructed me as to all the things I should have in place for my
mum but they don't have to implement the process! I'm having to pay up front for everything I do for her as she is in total denial and we wouldn't have got anywhere if I hadn't and ultimately I don't think it's fair on my husband who goes out to work for our household income to be financially supporting my mother in this way (and she is not short of money).
The anxiety is getting so acute that I'm suffering palpitations and feel as if I'm going to have a heart attack. I wake some nights with throbbing chest pains and feel like I can't breathe and today when she was having a go at me and tried to shut her front door on my face I could feel my blood pressure rising. I thought I was going to burst!
We have no Power of Attorney registered yet - she has one but she's hidden it from us. I know that once this is done I could probably deal with things without having to have the face to face confrontations. She set one up when she was thinking clearly but now sees it as a threat that she has one. The GP has suggested we get a psychiatric assessment and apply through the Court of Protection. She seemed to think we would have no problem going this route. Yet my brother and I were trying to help her retain her dignity for as long as possible. I feel as though this is now our only course of action otherwise it's going to be me needing the carer, or worse.
It's all compounded by the fact I am officially my husbands carer too - he has MS and Parkinsons but bears his lot with good grace. He may still be working but he does require a certain level of support from me to enable him to do so. We know that our future is not looking too brilliant, but here I am with the unexpected addition of my mother's condition.
Sorry for moaning. Today has not been good. Does anyone know how to cope with these issues and is there any advice on how to get POA with a psychiatric assessment?