visiting care homes

[Vivienne3]

I visited a care home this week in preparation for the future as I am not sure how much longer I can cope. He is not severe but I am on my own every night and every weekend. I work full time and struggle now to keep my patience when it take 1 1/2 hours to get him in the bath however, I think but may be kidding myself, that he still has moments of clarity and keeps saying he wants to stay with me and 'you'll never leave me'. I do have care week days and have used the full amount I am entitled to.
When I went to the home it was OK and the staff seemed very nice but it is the same old problem of them all being old. It did not appear anyone was really under 70 and I worry what he would think as he can see and I am sure it will register he is in an old peoples home who appear to watch TV and sleep. If I keep him at home then he is isolated as he won't go out of the house and no-one comes to visit anymore apart from the carers. How do you know when the time has come that you cannot look after them anymore and has anyone put a younger person in an older persons home?

[Ailsa32]

Hi,
I understand your dilemma, as we are currently in this situation. My Mum is 68, has alzheimers & vascular dementia. We have carers in everyday & a home help, but we know that soon we will have to make a decision. She is dependant on myself, sisters & carers, without support she wouldn't be able to stay in her flat. BUT! she is young & I feel at her current stage, a care home full of "older" would not suit her or be of any help. Like your husband though, she does not venture out alone & friends no longer visit her.
Having said that, I work in a care home, and see younger people being admitted more and more. We recently took a resident of 64. He does not sit in the main lounge with the older residents, but walks around the home silently. Not at all distressed, seems quite content, does not talk to residents or carers. He does not seem concerned about where he is, which I think is due to being in his own world. I think once someone reaches a certain stage in this cruel disease, it really does not matter what age group they are with. One of our ladies (85), talks of being a poorly girl and going home to her mum & dad. Again, happy & content with her lot. I think the main point of choosing a care home, is making sure it is a place that cares and suits the needs of your husband. Perhaps start by going for the day, when they do activitys that would interest your husband. Then he gets to know the carers and the home, which would make the transition easier.
Good luck, I am sure in your heart you will know when is the right time for you and your husband. As will I with my Mum.
All the best, Ailsa

[hollycat]

I am not sure how much longer I can cope


OH and I have made an agreement that the day we post on TP and ask about CH or make a statement like you have above, that is the day when we will start to visit CH's with a view to giving very serious consideration to one.

Please take care

x x x

[FifiMo]

Vivienne,

You might want to see if there are care homes in your area that have a more holistic approach to dementia care. They are like a one stop shop for all things dementia related and due to this you find there is often a broader range of age-groups in them.

Thing is, that age is often irrelevant if the dementia has caused deterioration such that a care home is needed. By this stage there is often no awareness of how old others around them are. We as relatives notice and try and apply out thoughts on to the person with dementia.

Depending upon what challenges your husband has right now, being the youngest in the care home could work to your advantage. He might be more physically able than others and could be given given greater freedom to roam about - some homes allow patients on the ground floor level access to secure gardens for example. He might also be able to "help out" and engage more with carers than those who are less able bodied. Please also don't forget those who are there for respite. They are often younger and are there for a couple of weeks at a time.

You might want to consider a "trial run" by booking in for a weeks respite care or arrange to go have lunch there one day to see how he fits in.

I hope you find the place that feels just right and that things all go to plan,

Fiona

[rimmel11]

We are currently looking for a home for our mum who is 57 with Picks Disease and I completely understand the issues you are facing. We have now decided to go with a CareBase home in Surrey which is truly amazing. It has 'tiered' floors of severity, so on the bottom floor everyone is still very active and a bit more with it, but just need that 'watching over' and prompting to do daily tasks. The carehome said they do not admit anyone under 65, but due to the nature of this type of dementia they will. Yes she does look young compared to the others, but because they are all of similar stages she was actually having a 'conversation' with one of the residents. They were all smiling loads, and mum was skipping down the hallways- a reassuring site to see.

Best of luck