Mum recently diagnosed with alzheimers

[Meryl]

Hallo. Mum has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers following a stay in hospital, after she was admitted with signs of dementia, for a period of ten days - turns out she had a chest infection. She has been showing the signs for probably a couple of years but had not received a diagnosis.

When she first came out of hospital she was open to the idea of moving to warden controlled accommodation (she lives on her own) and I was organising this for her. She now refuses point blank and is going around estate agents getting her house valued and wanting to move to a smaller house. She hasn't taken on board what the doctor (who has given a letter in support of her going into warden controlled accommodation) myself or anyone else has said to her and does not understand that there is anything wrong with her.

She has now stopped taking the aricept which was recently prescribed for her and says it gives her bad dreams and thinks she was only taking it to help her sleep. She has completely forgotten about her time in hospital. Keeps ringing up the same estate agents, keeps making appointments to have her eyes tested (when she is under the opthamology department at the hospital but has forgotten). Says there is nothing wrong with her except her age (she is 87).

I am trying to back off a little as she thinks I am interfering and trying to stop her doing what she wants to do. A social worker came to see her and suggested she should stay in her present home and perhaps have a stair lift and a pendant alarm until such time as she needs more care, which she agreed to and then changed her mind.

I am finding it very difficult to deal with her as anything she agrees to she forgets and accuses me of making it up. Physically she is well and she goes out and about a lot. I feel as if I am just waiting for a crisis to happen which, from reading other posts on this site, is probably what I will have to wait for.

Any suggestions would be welcome. Should I just let her put her house on the market and look at other properties and step in to say no if necessary (she would not be able to deal with a move without my help). I deal with all her finances for her and she has forgotten what capital she has etc.

[Jo1958]

Meryl hello and a very warm welcome to Talking Point, although I am so sorry that you have had to find us here.

You are doing a wonderful job of looking out for your mother but as you say sometimes there is no knowing how to do right for doing wrong. Have you had a word with the estate agent to explain the situation, they should be understanding and can work along with you to help you all.

I'm pleased to hear that you have a Social Worker on board to help support your mother, that contact does help.

I look forward to seeing you around the site, with best wishes from Jo

[Meryl]

Thanks Jo. Not too sure finding my way around this site at present, but from reading the various threads I think it will be very helpful and informative.

[caracroft]

Hi Meryl,

Sorry I cant be much help really but can really relate to the problems you are having. My Mother in Law has just been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and she does not accept there is anything wrong. For the past year she will agree with things one day and be cross and annoyed with us "interfering" the next day. She also lives alone and it worries us terribly as we are over 100 miles away!

I have decided to see if I can talk to the Mental health team that refered her to the Consultant or the consultants secretary to see what they feel - I dont know if you have anyone following up the assessment on your mum that you could try to contact and express your concerns? Its a fine line between protecting and interfering and upsetting the person with Dementia isnt it?

Cara

[Meryl]

Hi Cara

Yes you are right. At this stage you can't interfere too much and the last thing I want to do is take away Mum's independence.

I do though find it very frustrating that she is doing things which are not at all in her best interests (such as stopping the aricept without saying anything, when I had seen a real improvement in her in the last couple of weeks after she started it 6 weeks ago). She is off to the doctor today to tell him she has stopped taking it (together with other medication for her heart which she needs to take).

She was always a very determined lady and continues to be!

Meryl

[caracroft]

Hi Meryl,

Im glad your Mum is going to the doctor, that is positive I hope for you. Will she let you go with her and try to talk to the doctor with her?

We find it very difficult to get MIL to doctors at all!! I do understand the frustration you feel. Everything we sort out gets undone in days sometimes hours after!!!

As you say it is probably their personality before the illness that hinders any help, MIL is also a very determined lady.

All the best
Cara

[Meryl]

Mum has stopped taking the aricept tablets which were prescribed for her, she said they gave her nightmares and she woke up downstairs one morning without realising how she got there. I am not sure if this is the case or not. She says she has been to the doctor to tell him she has stopped taking it and he has said that is fine! I don't know if this is true or not and will try to find out come Monday by ringing her doctor's surgery.

Has anyone else had experience of aricept giving bad dreams?

[BeckyJan]

Hello Meryl:
I see that a reported side effect of Aricept is 'abnormal dreams' so it could well be your Mother has experienced this. I wonder if they would have settled if she had taken them for longer (not sure how long in your Mother's case).

I cannot comment on the housing situation except to say maybe if you just agree and hope that the following day she forgets; it will then continue until she forgets or a new situation arises. It may be a good idea to warn the Estate Agents.

You say you deal with all financial affairs. Does that mean you have LPA (Lasting Power of Attorney - there are two one for Finances and the other for Health). If not I suggest you organise this asap.

Best wishes

[angelface]

I am so sorry to hear about your difficulties, I have an aunt who sounds very simular to your mum.
Auntie has just had a fall, and been in hospital, but apart from her dementia is is quite fit and active. Her GP referred her to the memory clinic at the local mental health centre.
I explained I could never get her to the centre, so they came to see her - she is adamant there is nothing wrong with her, you see. From this I have a report about her capacity to deal with her finances and so on (no capacity at all!). This has gone to Social Services, who will do something with it , I hope.
About the pendent alarm, I made sure to be there when the man arrived to fit it, and had told him about auntie's state of mind before hand.
He said auntie not suitable for the pendent alarm, as really it was for frail people in danger of falls. As this was the first fall auntie had, and she was so fit, it was a waste of money. He also told me that she would either forget where it was, or keep pressing it all the time. I made sure to get it in writing!
Do hope things improve for you.