My Mum has AD and is slowly getting worse. I don't live with her, my elderly Dad does and so is her primary carer I suppose. Unfortuately he is not the most patient person, and is the sort who 'always knows best' even when he doesn't. We live in France which makes everything a lot more difficult - they don't speak French, I do although not not completely fluently. I live alone with my pets on the other side of our small town. I go and clean twice a week, take Mum to see medics etc.
Everything seems worse because of Dad's attitude. Mum has taken to waking in the early hours of the morning and thinking she is 'going home' - to England I suppose. She wanders around the houes and goes into his room waking him up. I know this is hard for him, I do have some compassion, but sometimes I could strangle him.... here's one reason why...
About 2 months ago I was in the morning woken by loud knocking on my door, which turned out to be 2 gendarmes. They toldme that my Mum had been found wandering in the road and they had taken her to the nearest hospital after trying to get hold of my Dad by knocking on his door, ringing the bell and also phoning him. Did I have a spare key so they could enter and see what was going on?
As you can inagine I nearly needed taking to the hospital myself, imagining all sorts of things, but as I went back into the house to throw some clothes on I rang him, and he answered. When I asked did he not hear the noise he said huffily 'I don't get up that early' which made me think he HAD heard and just not answered.
Anyway as we went to the hospital I wondered how it was that Mum had got out, as she normally goes in to see him, not leaving the house. He replied that he had put a bolt on a door between the part of the house with his room in it and hers (they don't share the same bedroom) so she wouldn't disturb him. He had left the keys in the front door, and I assume that she tried to get hold of him, couldn't, and then got dressed taken her bag (which has her name and adddress in it, luckily) and left the house.
Later, when we had established that apart from dirt down her nails from falling in a ditch and legs black and blue from the knee down, she was OK, I had words with him about what he had done. I really tried not to yell or be nasty about it, but said that he had made a mistake and not to do that again. He started yelling at me, swearing and calling me names and generally behaving like a b*****d. I was a bit on the upset side, as you can imagine.
Anyway I made peace as I can't go up to the house and not be speaking to him, but lately she has taken to wandering in the night again, having hallucinations that there are people in her room, so he is talking about locking her in her bedroom....
I asked about giving her a sedative of some kind at night, but our 'GP' says no, as she is very unsteady on her feet and something like that would make her groggy and at greater risk of falling.
Is there anything that can be done to stop this night time roving????
Sorry for the long post but although I have vented to pals over here, they don't quite have the same grasp of the worry and guilt and despair that all this causes me, and the horrible feeling of how much it could all get.....