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  1. #1
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    Why does she cry so much?

    My mum has been diagnosed with alz and vascular dementia in aug 2009
    She seems to cry an awful lot and i don't know why or how to best deal with it. She has always been an emotional person - "her bladder's near her eyeballs" is how her father described her - My mum has always been tough feisty optimistic and now she seems to sit weeping on and off throughout the day - i don't know what triggers it. When she's in this state - she looks for reasons to explain it, eg its my medication doing it, its cause i never go out (not true) its since i moved to live here, its because i'm lonely, etc i don't think its any of these, i wonder if its the alzh making her upset- changing her personality.

    Yesterday when i was with her she kept crying and then coming up with all these reasons and i'd go through each one everytime it came up, like "mum, you go out to lots of activities, so you can't say that's true" or "Mum. you never saw anyone where you lived before and now you see loads of people". Then it all starts again and i go through it all again with her. There doesn't seem to be any logic to it all.

    One minute she'll be fine chatting happily with my aunt or whoever and the next thing she crying and its all doom and gloom.

    I can speak to her on the phone and she seems fine then half an hour later my aunt or somebody is on the phone telling me how upset my mum is and will i try and calm her down. This is happening more, sometimes its twice a day i get a phone call - its very stressful - it feels like i'm talking to a petulant child - not my mum.
     

  2. #2
    Hi nellen,

    You might want to take a look at this recent thread:

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?t=18274

    Take care,
    Sandy
    Talking Point Member
     

  3. #3
    My mum cries a lot too, for things I often don't expect.

    I asked her if she thought one of those pill organisers would help her when we were in the chemist the other days and she cried I guess it was because she knew it wouldn't help her because she doesn't know what the time of day is or what day it is, I felt bad for suggesting it
     

  4. #4
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    I asked the CPN and she thought it was because my mum had some sort of awareness of her condition - she certainly knows she has memory problems and keeps asking me has she got alzheimers and she is upset about this because she has memories of when she herself was a domicilliary carer to people with alz and she said they were like babies so she's bound to be upset.

    it the perpetual crying that i find so difficult to deal with
     

  5. #5
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    I'm exactly the same. Mum cries as soon as she sees me. I am led to believe that she is OK when I'm not there. But as soon as I (or her sister) arrive she is highly emotional and sobs. It's as if seeing me/us reminds her of what used to be and of home. My husband and I went to see her today - she didn't know who my husband was, that was a first, and then just intermittently sobbed, said I love you, sang, and sobbed that she wanted to go home. I wonder if I am making things worse by going to see her. It's not so bad when I take her out to see Dad or her sister (unfortunately both in hosptial at the moment) because that seemes to distract her. She's only on Mirtazepene as far as I know. The care home staff are wonderful - today when one brought her a cup of tea Mum hugged her, told her she loved her and wouldn't let her go. All this points to ... I don't know - someone who is highly emotional? Mum was a very happy, jolly, strong person before and all her life I don't really remember seeing her cry, so I can only put this down to the illness and the effect it has had on her brain. She doesn't have much, if any, awareness of her illness.
     

  6. #6
    My mother was never a crier, but after her strokes tears would flow freely, often for no apparent reason. Antidepressants did help this, but I think the tears had a bio-mechanical cause: that is the brain damage from the strokes was directly responsible for the tears, and the meds helped to dampen that.
    Jennifer

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.

    Abraham J. Heschel
     

  7. #7
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    Why does she cry so much

    One of the reasons I started to worry about what was happening to me was the way I cried. I believe the jargon for is is emotional lability. I caan break my heart at a new item, a kids TV programme, a piece of music. To anyone looking at me they woud think I was really upset. BUT I'M NOT sometimes I'm actually looking at myself sobbing and thinking 'Oh dear it's the damned disease again. I am crying I can't stop crying, But it isn't important. I think the tears are harder for you than for your mum (Your mums) Inappropriate crying is just another symptom not real grief or upset
    Hope this makes sense
    Shelagh
     

  8. #8
    Thanks Shelagh for such an excellent explanation of how emotional lability feels from a first-person point of view.

    This PDF from an Australian source seems to be a good general reference:

    http://www.health.qld.gov.au/abios/d...t/lability.pdf

    Take care,
    Sandy
    Talking Point Member
     

  9. #9
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    My Mum cries a lot too and she never ever would cry publicly before the disease got her.She wouldn't even cry at my Dad's funeral. When it happens I don't try to rationalise it I just cuddle her until she settles.To me it is just more evidence of how much the illness changes a person's character.
     

  10. #10
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    Yes perhaps i shouldn't try rationalising it all - but she usually asks me why she's feeling so upset - eg is it her medication, is it since she's moved etc - how can i answer her?

    i feel like i'm her mum and am constantly reassuring her, calming her down, cuddling her etc
     

 

 

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