Confused about Alzheimers...help?

[NI_21]

Im 21years old, from NI and my dad was diagnosed as having Alzheimers in April 2009 (well this is when I was told that he had it) he has been off work for over a year now with what was thought to be stress but unfortunately has come to be AD.

It has been very difficult finding anything relevant to me at the moment Im not actually a carer as firstly Im living away from home at the minute doing degree and secondly my dad is not that far along in the sense of awareness and memory but as a loved one I can see some subtle changes.

Reading up on the things to expect although it is alarming and upsetting, I felt it was important to know what to expect because I have to say I knew very very little about AD before we got the news...even now I think why didnt I say anything 2years ago when I noticed a change in his speech? Could that have helped...would catching it earlier be able to prolong the deterioration?

I know I can never understand what its like to hear news like that in a clinic from a Dr and to walk out the door and get on with your life like always...I just want to get an idea how he might be feeling? Is there anything I can do to help? How can I say how I feel without there being any underlying thoughts of what is to come? Maybe its selfishness and immaturaty because I am young that I can type on and on when so many people are going though harder times and lonelier times...

Just feel very alone and maybe its nice just to be able to vent in general? What else can you say when you're losing your hero?

[Natashalou]

Welcome .You certainly dont come over as selfish and immature,or I dont think you would have joined!!
Not much I can say but you will find a lot of support here xx

[BeckyJan]

Hello:
Welcome to TP. I do not think you are immature. Most of us with loved ones have been through a similar stage.

...would catching it earlier be able to prolong the deterioration?

I very much doubt that you could have made any difference.

When my husband was first diagnosed we hugged and said we would cope with it as with any other illness After a few weeks he was able to explain to others what was happening ie 'this bl... Alz. I cannot remember anything!'.

For the early/mid stages we behaved pretty normally, only when he was entering the later stage did I really have to organise outside help. Now in a NH I can only offer reassurance and lots of love.

I do believe your Dad would wish you to continue your studies and make a good and happy life for yourself.

What else can you say when you're losing your hero?

This is hard. Make sure you keep a record of your Dad - a life history if you like - memories!

Please keep posting if it helps.
Best wishes Jan

[Grannie G]

Is your father quite young? If so and his speech is already being affected he might benefit if your mother can get him a referral to a Speech and Language Therapist [SaLT]. I say `might` because I`m clutching at straws, a] because SaLTs are thin on the ground and b] because you need one who understands dementia.

Otherwise there are some valuable factsheets from this site which should give you more information. Just click on the link at the top of the page.

[Perdita]

Hi NI

I think you sound very mature for your age tbh, and please don't feel guilty for not noticing changes in your dad, I ignored things with my mum for years.

Reading the threads on here will help you no end I think, it has me.

[NI_21]

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LEFT A REPLY ON MY THREAD...I HAVE TRIED TO SEND PRIVATE COMMENTS TO YOU ALL AS A THANKS BUT IM NOT SURE IF THEY HAVE SENT SO TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU PUBLICLY ASWELL

My dad is so proud of me being at university and thats the one thing I really feel that I have for him...hes a doctor, sorry retired doctor (still cant get used to saying that...) and Im studying pharmacy so I know that that in itself is something my dad and I share along with astronomy I remember all the lunar eclipses my dad would wake me up at 3am to see he's always loved that sort of stuff and Im so happy I got to share that with him

I made a video film for fathers day scanned photos of all of us from childhood and our memories of all the family...it was basically my dads life story from when he was born, going to uni, meeting my mum, and having children he cried at it...It was a beautiful moment I will never forget

[Canadian Joanne]

Hi NL,
There is a section here called 'I have dementia'. We have several members with AD who post regularly. I suggest you read some of their posts - some of the most encouraging and uplifting posts you will find. You will realize that your father's life is not over, there is still a lot in front of him and so much for both of you.

[NI_21]

reading over some of the stories now...

Thank you