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  1. #1
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    Lying.is that a sympton of alzheimers?

    My dad is 82 now, my sister is his primary carer.
    she is saying that my / our dad seems to be able to turn the alzheimers on / off and acts normal some times and totally bonkers at other. She is also thinking he is able to Lie to aid his gain.. and says what HE thinks we want to hear..
    whilst in a brief care stay(out of his normal environment) he was heard telling the staff how happy he was.. but then with my sister.. hee told her he hated it there, cried and wanted to get out of the place..
    i dont see it as lying.. i see it as very clever manipulation...
    is this a familiar scenario>>??
    also..
    dad when he is in company seems so much more lucid.. but after a while and no stimuli.. he is withdrawn and down..
    I live abroad..7000 miles away
    Im at a loss how to help.
    My other sister who lives in the UK now doesnt want to see dad as he is worsening.. i couldnt believe that!
    id love to see my dad.. get in a car be there in 2 hrs.. not 24 hrs travelling..
    anyway.. I just need some advice as to the lying thing.. is this usual?
    Thanks
     

  2. #2
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    Lying is a relative thing based on a person's understanding of their world.

    One person's lie is another's reality.

    Background also has an influence - value systems vary from place to place.

    My take on the issue of lying is that the person with dementia feels their world disintegrating around them. They can't do anything about it and their ability to get help is compromised by their condition and their behaviours and their loss of communication skills.

    Basic instincts are what they find they can use, and lying is something most children use at one stage or another, and that people in a state of desperation may use.

    Again, things are relative - what you see as clever manipulation might also be viewed as desperate self-preservation.

    our dad seems to be able to turn the alzheimers on / off and acts normal some times and totally bonkers at other.
    this is normal at some stages of dementia. It is only past a certain stage that the normality goes entirely.

    ... all the above just in my own experience as a carer.....
    Bruce

    I'm still a Carer.

    "I don't suppose I'll see you much more. We had lovely times. I love you very much." Jan's words, October 2000

    "You'll take care of my daughter, won't you?" an ailing mother's words, 2013

    "I always thought you were thick" an ailing mother's words to me, 2013. How right you are….
     

  3. #3

    Hello Tinylou

    I know exactly what you are talking about - I don't think it is actually 'lying' as such, I would call it trying to get sympathy and knowing who they can manipulate!

    My husband is 67 and is tortue when he is bored (which is most of the time!). He used to be a workaholic, so much so he enjoyed the weekdays more than the weekends (not very flattering!!!). We always knew retirement was going to be a problem for him but now that he can neither read nor write it is very limited what he can do with himself to keep busy. Have you tried Wordsearch puzzles, jigsaw puzzles? I too would appreciate suggestions as to what other stimuli there is. Has anyone out there used an Occupational Therapist? - not sure what they do or whether they could help, or where you get one from -
    Sue
    Wife and former Carer


    You don't appreciate what you had until it's gone!
     

  4. #4
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    I spent ages trying to solve the "what can they do?" problem for my Jan.

    I found there was a fundamental problem: the dementia, even at an early stage, meant that virtually everything went by the board.

    The main way to make time profitable for Jan was simply to go out to places with her. So, time was the thing. That required as much of her as she felt able to give, and at least for a time put no additional pressure on her.

    Later, she became afraid of being in the car, and so our horizons grew smaller, until eventually, the garden was our world.

    Jan was highly intelligent, knocked through crosswords and other mental gyrations with no trouble, read voraciously and widely, knitted faster than a machine, rattled off Handel on the piano, sang in church and in local amdram productions, made the lightest shortcrust that I have ever had, could tell the age of a piece of 19th Century furniture in a single glance.

    Dementia took all of this, and more, from her.

    The difficult thing is that the ability to learn new things goes, so no substitutions can easily be made.

    ... just my experience
    Bruce

    I'm still a Carer.

    "I don't suppose I'll see you much more. We had lovely times. I love you very much." Jan's words, October 2000

    "You'll take care of my daughter, won't you?" an ailing mother's words, 2013

    "I always thought you were thick" an ailing mother's words to me, 2013. How right you are….
     

  5. #5

    Hello Brucie

    How very sad! - just goes to prove that trying to keep your brain stimulated and active, like your wife obviously did, doesn't always help in keeping Dementia at bay! I do understand what you mean about trying to learn new things being an impossibility!

    I have also noticed recently that my husband is becoming rather OCDish, he has to have everything in the right place and has routines for things he does. He has started insisting on having 3 handkerchiefs with him at all times - all neatly folded!- PLUS numerous tissues.
    Sue
    Wife and former Carer


    You don't appreciate what you had until it's gone!
     

  6. #6
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    When I was clearing the house after Jan had moved to her present care home in 2001, I found neatly folded toilet tissue in every conceivable place - in drawers, in handbags [well, she had quite a number!], in pockets, under cushions, on shelves, in boxes.

    just goes to prove that trying to keep your brain stimulated and active, like your wife obviously did, doesn't always help in keeping Dementia at bay
    I think it is good to have things to try - and for those who are not hands-on caring, to suggest, in benign ignorance.

    No matter how hopeless we feel that trying something would be, we should always give it a go, in my opinion. The remotest possibility of finding something that helps is worth trying, and the person concerned may also realise that we are trying everything we can.
    Bruce

    I'm still a Carer.

    "I don't suppose I'll see you much more. We had lovely times. I love you very much." Jan's words, October 2000

    "You'll take care of my daughter, won't you?" an ailing mother's words, 2013

    "I always thought you were thick" an ailing mother's words to me, 2013. How right you are….
     

  7. #7
    What is it about tissues!!!!! We also have them everywhere!!!!
    Sue
    Wife and former Carer


    You don't appreciate what you had until it's gone!
     

  8. #8
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    Hello:
    The Alz. Society published a book called 'book of activities' - it has all sorts in it although by the time I had this to hand my husband had gone past 'activities'.

    He also was a workaholic so had no serious hobbies to utitilise. However he did sort out our collection of stamps - it took him about 4 months of serious concentration! After that he read, albeit the same books repeatedly.

    As with Bruce, I found taking David out was the best solution. Drives into Derbyshire became the norm almost daily. Whilst he was mobile enough we enjoyed bar snacks usually to places that understood him.

    In a previous thread Skye gave a website link to colouring pages - in some cases that is a useful occupation. I tried jigsaws, crosswords, dvds, even the computer, but without success. (If you are there, Hazel, perhaps you know the link).

    Best wishes Jan
     

  9. #9

    Hello BeckyJan

    That is very useful, thank you, and Skye I would really appreciate the link BeckyJan referred to, if you are there.

    I am finding that even watching TV does not help as David's concentration seems to have gone completely - and I notice that he spends more time just staring into space than watching TV - nothing seems to hold his attention these days. Having said that he has joined U3A and goes on long walks with them. He also goes to their Art Class - can't paint to save his life, but really enjoys making collages from pictures he has cut out of magazines....

    He seems however to expect me to be 'Entertainments Officer' and even when I was unwell over Xmas he managed to make me feel guilty for staying in bed for a couple of days!!!
    Sue
    Wife and former Carer


    You don't appreciate what you had until it's gone!
     

  10. #10
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    A few which may be of interest:

    http://www.coloring.ws/

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/galle...ng/index.shtml

    http://www.enchantedlearning.com/Home.html

    http://www.coloringcastle.com/mandal...ing_pages.html

    Or, alternatively, just Google “colouring in” or “colouring in for adults” or whatever you can think up – and links to thousands of freely available printable pages appear.

    ~ ~
     

  11. #11
    I just need some advice as to the lying thing.. is this usual?
    Hi Tinylou,
    Yes, this "lying" thing is very common. In my opinion, it's not so much lying or manipulation as the person desperately trying to make sense of a world that suddenly has such large gaping holes in it. And yes, some days the person can seem completely normal in the early stages.

    I feel for your sister who is caring for your dad. Caring can grind a person down, and having your dad going back & forth in personality must be driving her mad. She must be feeling isolated. Why don't you suggest that she come on TP & read some of the posts? Just knowing that others were in the same boat as me helped me enormously when I started on this journey eight years ago. She can contact the Alzheimer's Society, they may have a support group in her area she can attend.

    My sister is in your position. She is a 6 hour drive away from Mum (nto as far as you) but she still feels guilty sometimes that she can't be on the spot the way I am. Our mother is in a nursing home, by the way, but my sister feels guilty anyways, because I get the phone calls etc.

    Things will get, not easier, but more manageable, I promise.
    Joanne
    Carer and Volunteer Moderator
    When you've seen one person with Alzheimer's, you've seen one person with Alzheimer's
     

  12. #12
    For many years my husband hid his declining abilities from me. When he did get himself into difficulties, he always had a reason for this. His explainations didn't make sense, or exasperated me no end, it was his way of covering things up. His manipulation was always to keep me by his side because that was the only way he felt safe in the world he was entering. None of this I knew at the time. Looking back now I wish we were still at that stage. At least he was an almost normal functioning person then and we could at least lead a life together.

    Even now, where his abilities have declined to a point where he is in an EMI home, when we are with visitors he can still appear to be much better mentally than he really is. I think that the most puzzling thing to people who do not care for the person 24/7 is this very fluctuating ability to maintain some semblance of 'normality'.

    xxTinaT
     

  13. #13
    I've PMed the link to Sue, but in case anyone else is interested, this thread has lots of suggestions in it:

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talking...ead.php?t=8707


    Hazel
    Carer


    Don't grieve for what you have lost, rejoice for what you have had.
     

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by TinaT View Post
    I think that the most puzzling thing to people who do not care for the person 24/7 is this very fluctuating ability to maintain some semblance of 'normality'.
    it always seemed to me that there was a price to be paid afterwards though: either tiredness, or poor sleeping or something.
    Jennifer

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    “A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”

    Abraham J. Heschel
     

  15. #15
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    occupational therapists (OTs)

    Occupational Therapist? - not sure what they do or whether they could help, or where you get one from -[/QUOTE]
    OTs help with any occupation, from washing and dressing to pursuing hobbies.They can help with equipment such as chairs, mattresses and walking aids or ideas and resources for leisure activities and may run groups such as reminiscence groups. You would want an OT who specialises in Mental Health, preferably with an interest in dementia, and I would imagine you could contact them through Mental Health services or Social services, or at a Day Centre. Hope this helps. Dora
     

 

 

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