tania

I am so sorry that your mum has been so ill for so long and you live so far away i was lucky to have my mum live with me it was so very hard mum could not see in the end and she looked so so thin it broke my heart so i know what you are going through keep faith i know that is hard but my wishes to you

Originally Posted by helen6205

I HAVE LOST IT - sorry, thought Tania's was the first post!!

Tania, so sorry to hear about your Mum, you must miss her immensely. My post is not to undermine your feelings/situation at all, please understand this, as all of us are following the same road.

What I am about to say may sound cruel, but be happy that your Mum was still able to do her crosswords, etc. and was for the main part lucid virtually up to the end. You still had a big part of your "Mum". I mean no disrespect here.

I have been terrified of posting in fear of upsetting people with my thoughts. Mum was diagnosed in 2004 but started symptoms about three years prior to that. She has been bedridden now for eighteen months, has NO quality of life at all. She sleeps 90% in a 24 hour cycle. She weighed 37 kgs in January, is blind in one eye, the other one is not good at all. Pieces of sponge have been placed in her crippled, arthritic hands so that her nails don't puncture her skin. She has already gone through all of the stages that members have been posting, jerks, talking to people who are not there, swearing, hallucinating not eating, drinking, stiffness, bed sores, you name it.

She is in her early eighties now. At the care home, I have been told that she can carry on like this indefinitely but I don't know, for selfish reasons, that I want this, or that Mum would want this. Mum was (I use this in the past tense as she is no longer the Mum I know) such a proud person, a true lady, and to see her like a little bird, breaks our hearts. Dad visits Mum three times a week, he is not well either, and I sit in South Africa with a family of my own. I make trips three times a year never knowing whether it will be the last time I see her again. My last trip in December was an absolute shocker. In the six visits I made to the home, Mum was only partially awake once.

In a way I have made peace with it but I know it will still come as a devastating shock to our family and friends.

I do need to talk, but it is difficult because I am terrified of expressing thoughts out of respect to members just embarking on this dreaded journey.

I had to make a start, and Tania, again, my intention was not to use your situation as a springboard. I will soon be wearing your shoes.