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Dear Screen - Is this Grief or Trauma or Both?

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by
Helen33
on 08-07-2010 at 02:33 PM (4347 Views)
Dear Screen, Things have changed. I have changed. My understanding has changed and my feelings have changed. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED It all seems to have happened overnight.

I can't tell you how much I need you at the moment Screen. I nearly posted in the "Bereavement Section" to show that things had changed but I decided I am not comfortable enough yet to do that. Here is just right. I wanted to post on the Main forum but thought that it might be too distressing for people. You are just the right place for me.

By the way, you've been visited by a Scammer Yangy. Some fairies must have come during the night and shooed her off

This is what has happened. I couldn't understand why I was so disappointed about Tai Chi. I was even more disappointed that I couldn't go with my d-i-l for a walk because other things came up for her. I couldn't go canoeing because I wasn't well. I have felt a sense of urgency to create a life 'because winter was coming' whatever that meant!! Then I received a lovely card and a gift from a friend and the gift was a magnet that said "How many roads must one travel down before one admits I AM LOST". I smiled because it meant something to us both about actually doing this in Yorkshire. But it also reached into the inner part of me and I realised that was what I was doing. I was trying to go down all these roads in order to not admit that I am lost.

Dear Screen, I am lost. I was at "He walked five miles on Boxing Day" and have arrived at "Where has my life gone?" and there is nothing in between My life is empty. No Alan, no carers, no agencies to sort things out with, I am now semi retired whereas I was busy before, no cycling companion or walking companion, no one to hold me in his arms which he did right up to the end just about. I feel like I am stood in the middle of a road in the middle of nowhere and wondering what the hell happened. Last time I looked I was with Alan walking five miles on Boxing Day. Where has my life gone.

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Comments

  1. Grannie G's Avatar
    Where has my life gone?
    It has gone into the unknown, Helen and I don`t think you are strong enough yet to make an established new life.

    You have been trying very hard but although it is working in some respects, I don`t think it will work properly until you have worked through your trauma and your grief.

    There is no hurry now. There was hurry when Alan was alive because adapting to all the changes had to be done quickly.

    Now you can take your time.

    Love xx
  2. nellbelles's Avatar
    As an analogy, I suspect it's 'like falling off a cliff without a parachute' the view is still there, but there is no time to take it in.
    You went through so much so fast that recall will take time.
    It's all there, it will resurrect itself when the time is right.

    Sunshine, love and hugs
    Helen
  3. Helen33's Avatar
    Thanks Sylvia and Helen. It's nice that you've popped in
  4. Izzy's Avatar
    Just saying that I'm thinking of you and am glad that your screen provides a place for you to say how you feel. Take care. Izzy x
  5. sad nell's Avatar
    Helen so sorry you are feeling Lost, but why would you not, you have lost the love of your life, best friend cycling / walking partner, it would be strange if you did not feel lost,you have coped remarkably on the surface and i know you will forge a good life in the future because that is how you are, but allow yourself to have these feelings, Did that magnet have a blue man on it by any Chance, sending you all my love and hope this weekend you have something to enjoy love Pam
  6. normelle's Avatar
    OH HOW I KNOW JUST HOW LOST YOU FEEL.
    I FEEL LOST WITHOUT MY DARLING DAVE.JUST WHAT DO WE DO WHEN THE CARING STOPS.THE HOUSE IS EMPTY,JUST I CUP ,I PLATE ETC TO WASH UP.I LOOK AT MY WATCH TO SEE IF ITS TIME ,TO TAKE OR COLLECT DAVE FROM DAY CARE ETC.
    I DID P.M YOU ,ASKING YOU 2 PHONE ME RE..GARDS TO LONDON TRIP,IF IM NOT TOO LATE.I WILL SEE IF MY S.I.L.WILL COME WITH ME.

    LOVE NORMELLE XXX