Dear Screen - Is this Grief or Trauma or Both?
byon 08-07-2010 at 02:33 PM (4347 Views)
Dear Screen, Things have changed. I have changed. My understanding has changed and my feelings have changed. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED It all seems to have happened overnight.
I can't tell you how much I need you at the moment Screen. I nearly posted in the "Bereavement Section" to show that things had changed but I decided I am not comfortable enough yet to do that. Here is just right. I wanted to post on the Main forum but thought that it might be too distressing for people. You are just the right place for me.
By the way, you've been visited by a Scammer Yangy. Some fairies must have come during the night and shooed her off
This is what has happened. I couldn't understand why I was so disappointed about Tai Chi. I was even more disappointed that I couldn't go with my d-i-l for a walk because other things came up for her. I couldn't go canoeing because I wasn't well. I have felt a sense of urgency to create a life 'because winter was coming' whatever that meant!! Then I received a lovely card and a gift from a friend and the gift was a magnet that said "How many roads must one travel down before one admits I AM LOST". I smiled because it meant something to us both about actually doing this in Yorkshire. But it also reached into the inner part of me and I realised that was what I was doing. I was trying to go down all these roads in order to not admit that I am lost.
Dear Screen, I am lost. I was at "He walked five miles on Boxing Day" and have arrived at "Where has my life gone?" and there is nothing in between My life is empty. No Alan, no carers, no agencies to sort things out with, I am now semi retired whereas I was busy before, no cycling companion or walking companion, no one to hold me in his arms which he did right up to the end just about. I feel like I am stood in the middle of a road in the middle of nowhere and wondering what the hell happened. Last time I looked I was with Alan walking five miles on Boxing Day. Where has my life gone.